Don't I know you?
by Tishbing
Summary: James Kirk has met Dr. McCoy before. She even has a permanent little reminder from their time together fifteen months ago in Seattle. She had just wanted to have a nice vacation and he was on a medical conference. They never expected to see each other again and never even exchanged names. Now Jim isn't sure what to do as her life in Starfleet is set to begin. AU FemKirk/McCoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I hope that this is a good enough story and I hope that everyone will like it. I could do the next chapter as McCoy's perspective if you guys want or I could move the story forward. Bear in mind Jim is promiscuous so it's not out of the realm of possibility. I would gave had him as a guy but I don't know how to write slash scenes. Also, I'm not that good at thinking of Mpreg stuff. **

**I wish I owned Star Trek but I do not. I'm just borrowing it and the characters for fun! Please review! I welcome ideas and would love if someone would want to beta this.**

**tishbing**

Chapter One

The shrill screaming pulled Jim out of her peaceful slumber causing her to jerk awake and fall out of bed. She hit the floor with a resounding thud that caused the windows in her apartment to rattle. Groaning and half asleep, James T. Kirk picked herself up to see to the love of her life, her parting gift from her birthday trip to Seattle. The hardwood floor was cold on her bare feet as she shuffled over to the crib at the other end of her bedroom.

"Well, good morning Miss Ella." She mumbled.

The second the tiny pink bundle saw her looking down at her the screaming stopped and turned into a gentle cooing as little Ella Kirk grabbed at her toes in her pink sleeper and smiled brightly up at her momma. Jim reached in and picked up her little girl and cringed at the wet sensation. She had leaked.

"Well, looks like you get a fashion show."

Moving to the changing table adjacent to the crib, the squirming baby was laid down while Jim quickly pulled off the offending clothes and wiped her down to wrestle a new diaper and onesie on her. Once she was fully dressed, Jim placed a gentle kiss on the soft brown hair on her head and walked to the refrigerator to grab a bottle. The clock told her it was a very early 6am.

"A whole three hours. Thank you for that." Jim yawned.

A babble was her reply. Once the bottle was adequately warmed, Jim had situated herself on her rocking recliner with Ella tucked against her. Under a blanket, Ella took her morning bottle and started to close her blue eyes in bliss. The only thing she had gotten from her mother.

Fifteen months ago

_Jim sat nursing a beer at the bar, a little disappointed by the lack of life around her. The bar was a little out of the way waterfront place in Seattle, Washington. It was quiet but nice. Just the sort of place for her right now. She had wanted to go somewhere to get away and not be recognized for once as the Kelvin baby. She'd even gone to the trouble of changing her hair to a light brown. She'd decided to treat herself to a random trip utilizing a map as a dartboard. Wherever it landed, she'd go and it had hit the Pacific Northwest._

_Leaning back on the bar, Jim took in the room round her and sipped her beer. That was when she saw him. He was sat at the end of the counter scowling into his drink. He was clearly on his second or third bourbon and had been there a while. His dark brown hair was a little messy and he had a couple days of stubble on his face and while it would look rough on most men, it looked endearing and handsome on him. He looked like he was trying to bore holes into the counter with his eyes and he wasn't paying attention to anything else around him. Most people would think to leave him alone but Jim wasn't most people. If he'd just wanted a drink and no company then he would have just stayed home._

_Jim sidled up to the man and sat next to him, leaning into his personal space and gave him her best shit eating grin._

_"Hi there."_

_Not her best line but it was short notice. He looked up from his drink and that was when she saw his eyes. A deep, dark brown that sucked her in. Though they were dulled by the bourbon, she could see that spark of brilliance but there was a sadness there that just about broke Jim's heart._

_"Hi." He grunted back._

_Wow, he really is a hard one._

_"Come here often?"_

_Jim almost cringed after the words came out of her mouth but she still smiled. After all, he seemed to be about the most interesting one here and under 30. He shook his head and snorted before turning to look back at her. That was when she knew she had him and she smiled back._

_"No. I'm just in town on a medical conference at the University. You?"_

_"Vacation. So...you're a doctor?"_

_"Yeah. Trauma surgeon."_

_He seemed to be relaxing so Jim continued._

_"Sawbones. Sounds exciting."_

_He raised an eyebrow and picked up his glass to swirl his drink._

_"What?"_

_Jim rolled her eyes and laughed._

_"That's what they used to call surgeons during the civil war, Bones."_

_He huffed a small laugh and started to look at her more closely._

_"And what do they call you?" He growled._

_A shiver raced down her spine and heat creeped up her neck at the sound._

_"Sam." She lied._

Jerking awake, Jim saw that she'd fallen asleep with the baby. The clock read eight.

"Oh, shit."

Running down the hall, diaper bag flying, she finally reached Cathy's place. She was the only one who'd stuck by her throughout everything. Cathy watched Ella in the day so Jim could work at the Riverside Shipyard Bar. She was Jim's favorite high school teacher and mentor after. She never failed to call Jim on her shit and was there when Ella was born. Since she'd retired she claimed to just want Ella around to give her something to do but Jim knew better and was grateful for it.

"I'm so sorry! I overslept!" She huffed.

A round-faced grey-haired woman pulled open her door as Jim flew up with a little Ella bouncing and squealing in her arms.

"Jamie! You're gonna break your neck flying down the damn hall like that!"

She quickly grabbed the baby and placed her on a round hip and pulled Jim in with her other arm.

"Are you eating? Sleeping right? You look like hell."

Jim rolled her eyes but smiled at the care being shown to her. Catherine Jameson quickly put Ella in the playpen while Jim moved over to the kitchen and grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl on the dining table.

"I'm fine. Ella let me sleep for a good three hours." She answered and took a bite out of the apple.

Cathy snorted and moved into the kitchen to grab coffee for both of them.

"Have you thought about tracking down that doctor of yours? I think he has a right to know and Ella has a right to have a father in her life."

She handed a cup to Jim and gave her a piercing glare to which Jim just rolled her eyes.

"He's married. Remember? We spent the week together right up until he got a call from his wife that I overheard. I'm not going to be the other woman and risk ruining his marriage by revealing..." She indicated Ella with a jerk of her head. "This! Besides, I don't even know his real name. It was just fun."

It had hurt. That morning was etched in her memory. His arms were wrapped around her as the sun was coming up and she felt so safe and loved. His breath tickled the back of her neck causing goosebumps to form and a warm feeling in her chest. His comm went off and he rolled out of the bed to answer it.

"Yeah."

The responding voice was shrill and angry in reply.

_"What the hell! The lawyers haven't heard from you all week! I'm still your damn wife. Sign the papers already."_

It was like a piece of ice had lodged itself in her gut. She had left before he had finished the call.

Jim pulled a hair band off her wrist and started pulling her long blond hair back into a ponytail to get ready for her shift while Cathy shook her head.

"I just think that you should get some help. You're working yourself to death trying to make ends meet in that damn bar. If not that then you need to find something better. This life here...it's killing you. You're not happy. Riverside is too small for you and all that's here is an old woman."

She took a bite of the apple to give herself a minute but Cathy was relentless. She crossed her arms and sat across from her at the small table.

"I'm happy. I have Ella and you're not old."

She smiled and patted her friend on the arm before getting up to leave.

"I've got to go. I have a double today. You have your set of keys. Ella has enough milk in the bag to last tonight along with diapers, cereal and her stuffed puppy. I'll see you at three unless you fall sleep. If you do please don't do it on the couch. Use the bed. I changed the sheets and I can use he couch."

Cathy rolled her eyes at the obvious deflection but didn't say anything else. She ran and kissed the top of Ella's head and headed out the door. She didn't hear Cathy's whisper.

"You could be so much more."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: here's the classic bar fight scene with a twist. Hope it's ok! Anyone have any ideas or ways to make it better, I am open to suggestions!**

**tishbing**

Chapter Two

Jim shuffled around the bar and looked at the new crowd. There were bright red Starfleet cadet uniforms everywhere. She smiled at them and smoothed her blouse ready to see them. Straightening her shoulders, she spotted a young dark-skinned woman at the counter with her long hair in a smooth pony-tail. She quickly put down her tray from her last round of customers and moved over to intercept the woman who had started a long list of drinks.

"And a shot of Jack, straight up."

Jim normally didn't go for girls but the flirting was always fun and this cadet looked like a fun challenge. She leaned forward smiling and poured the drinks.

"It's on me. That's a lot of drinks for one woman."

The woman rolled her eyes and waited for the rest of her order.

"It's on them and no thanks."

She made a face at her.

"I don't hear 'no' very often."

She replied politely without smiling.

"Then it's evident that the universe is out of whack and I have to take it upon myself to address the imbalance. No."

Jim chuckled lightly at her. It had been a long time since she had received more than a giggle from a guest. A woman who could construct a conversation without a conference with her group of friends would be more of a challenge and a lot of fun.

"My name's Kirk, Jim Kirk."

Silence and a slight glare was received.

"If you don't tell me your name, I'll have to make one up. I can be pretty creative but I doubt it's as pretty as the real one."

Jim quickly added the slusho mix and the cadmium fire tea to the tray, looking at her expectantly.

"Fine...it's Uhura."

Feigning a look of surprise, she placed her hand on her chest and used her other hand to grab the shot glasses.

"No way! That is exactly the name I was going to make up for you."

She poured the shot.

"Uhura...what?" She asked.

"Just Uhura."

Jim frowned as she tallied the bill.

"They don't have last names on your world?"

"Uhura is my last name. I'd tell you my first name but you'd forget it by the time you come up with a better pick up line." She replied acidly.

This was just fun. The uniform just made it more enticing and she leaned forward with a leer.

"Baby, I will never forget anything you tell me. In fact, I remember the first time you rejected me. Remember that? When we first met?"

Uhura laughed slightly and Jim leaned back.

"So you're a cadet. Planning to go out..." She pointed up. "That a way. What's your focus?"

"Xenolinguistics."

At seeing Jim's surprised expression she countered.

"Let me guess. You don't know what that means."

Jim didn't even blink. She loved being able to surprise people.

"Let me guess. Study of alien languages: phonology, morphology, syntax, variability in different mediums of aural conveyance, symbology..." Her smile turned wider. "It means you've got a talented tongue."

Uhura pursed her lips in surprise and annoyance.

"And here I thought you were just some southern hick who only had sex with farm animals."

Jim threw back her head and laughed at Uhura's statement before turning back.

"Well...not only."

Jim watched Uhura smile back and was starting to feel confident that she might have made a friend had it not been for the hand that suddenly appeared on her butt. A possessive tight grip that caused her to stiffen in irritation.

"This townie bothering you?" A gruff voice asked.

Jim had to arch her neck up to see him. A large bald Starfleet cadet with a small beard. Uhura shifted in her seat, possibly noticing how the temperature seemed to drop as Jim's eyes narrowed at the man touching her. No-one had dared to do that in a long time and she'd be damned if anyone would do it again. Uhura spoke up trying to diffuse the situation.

"Beyond belief but it's nothing I can't handle. We're fine."

Though her voice was level, Jim could see the intent behind her eyes.

"You could handle me."

His words were punctuated by a rather sharp squeeze to her posterior and Jim jerked upright but not completely out of his grip. She felt a fire starting in her belly and running up to her face flushing her cheeks.

"I'd suggest you remove your hand if you want to keep it, cupcake." She snarled.

He just smiled back down at her in an almost patronizingly way. Jim just scowled.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty sure that I don't want to. Besides, there's five of us and only one of you. I doubt you could do it."

Her body snapped so tight it was like a piano string wire.

"Why don't you get a couple more guys and it'd be a fair fight." She leered.

He made one more mistake as he reached up to pat the blind on the cheek. Jim moved so fast it was a blur. She ducked down and charged forward landing a right hook on the cadet's jaw. He stumbled back, a snarl on his face.

"You know I've always wondered...do they beam those uniforms on you guys? They're so form fitting..."

He lurched forward to get at her again and she moved out of the way easily and shoved him hard in the back to where his head snapped against the bar causing him to go down.

"Please tell me you haven't taken combat training yet, 'cause that would be embarrassing to Starfleet. That attempt was just _adorable._"

After she finished delivering that last assessment, two other cadets wrenched her away from their friend. Drawing back a fist, one of the cadets was successful. A sharp burning pain lit up her head as it snapped back. Sucking on her lower lip, she spat out a mouthful of blood.

One cadet was pinning her arms behind her as his friend moved in with another punch. She quickly ducked as the punch sailed over her and hit the cadet behind her. He went down and this allowed Jim to break free, spin and slam her hand into the cadet that had landed a punch. Poleaxed, he went down with his eyes rolling back into his head. What had started as a basic bar fight was threatening to become much more as blood was being spilled. Another punch hit her in her eye causing her to spin into Uhura and Jim used the stunned woman to propel herself back into fray. She landed a kick to the newest cadet's solar plexus before a punch from the side felled her. She landed on the floor in a heap. She could feel him above her.

A shrill whistle broke though the din.

**"Attention on DECK!" **

Every cadet jumped to attention. The silence was deafening and it just made her newfound headache pound. She looked up from her vantage-point on the floor to see a man in a dark grey uniform, his hair was close cropped and greeting at the temples. He showed a lack of patience and a sense of authority as he looked at the scene in front him. The cadets that were involved in the fight were trying to look away. After a moment he said firmly: "All of you. Outside. Now."

Jim took the opportunity to limp to the back room to clean up. She looked in the mirror and frowned at the sight. Jerks had probably broken her cheekbone. The left side of her face had taken the brunt of it, swelling rapidly causing her left eye to become closed slightly. Her lip was spilt and her nose had a trickle of blood running down it. She grabbed a washcloth a started to clean up in the dingy staff washroom.

She grabbed some ice and wrapped it in the washcloth before taking another look. Her hair was only half in it's ponytail. Her shirt was torn on the shoulder and was marked by either her blood or that of her assailants. Her boss was gonna kill her but hopefully, he'd understand. She pulled out the tie and ran her fingers through it before putting the ice on her cheek and stepping out into the main bar to assess the damage.

There was a mess of glass and splinters of wood all over the place. She carefully moved and gingerly bent to pick up an overturned chair to place it at a table only to see it was occupied by the grey suited man. He was watching her with fascination written on his face.

"I swear...I'm looking at you and all I can see is him."

He had a PADD in his hand and pressed a few buttons but was staring at Jim like he'd seen a ghost. It made her distinctly uncomfortable.

"Who are you?" She growled.

The man indicated the chair she had just picked up as an invitation to join him. Wary but curious, she sat down.

"Captain Christopher Pike. You're father never believed in no-win scenarios either."

Jim snorted. "Sure learned his lesson."

Pike tilted his head, studying her and Jim squirmed under the attention.

"Depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't you?"

Jim rolled her eyes or rather tried to. Her face felt like the skin was stretched too tight from the swelling on her left side.

"That instinct to leap without looking, to take a chance when logic and reason insist that you've lost-that was his nature. It's something Starfleet's lost."

He jerked a thumb towards the front door.

"Those men and women out there? Ivy-leaguers. They'll do great. Following orders, running their stations and departments with efficiency but command material?"

He shook his head and looked at his PADD for a moment before looking back at Kirk. His gaze seemed to hold her there in it's intensity.

"I'm not sure they'd be someone I'd want at my back in a firefight out there in the black."

"What do you want?" She asked rudely.

"Enlist in Starfleet."

Jim's jaw dropped. Of all the things that could have come out of this man's mouth that was the last thing she expected to hear.

"Enlist in...you have got to be kidding me?"

She lowered the ice from her face to look at him more clearly. His lips thinned at her tone.

"I looked at your records while you were picking yourself up in the back. Your aptitude tests and qualifications are off the charts. What is it? What's holding you back? You like picking up after the rest of Iowa?"

Jim frowned but quickly smoothed her expression. The pain returning full force.

"I have a kid. A baby. I can't leave her all alone and go galavanting across the damn universe."

Pike pulled up a file and slid the PADD towards her. She looked down and saw that he had highlighted the passages concerning families and Starfleet. Clearly he had seen more than just her records.

"There are generational ships out there. Not many but if I know you, you'll be able to change the norm with Starfleet."

He leaned back and crossed his arms, waiting for that information to sink in.

"Let me ask you something. Do you feel like you belong here? Do you think you should settle for an ordinary life? Do you think that your kid deserves this? A miserable mother who could be so much more. Maybe you want to settle. I don't think so, though. There are more opportunities out there for the both of you."

He leaned forward and Jim had to pull her eyes off of the PADD with an impressive amount of effort. Maybe it was the concussion she knew she had but his words were starting to make sense.

"Or do you feel that you were meant for something better? That maybe you're something special. If you're half the person your father was, Starfleet could use you."

Jim was shaken by this captain's insight. She hadn't been read that good in a long time.

"You must be really down on your recruiting quota for the month."

Her mouth became very dry and she couldn't quite meet Pike's eyes but he continued as if she hadn't even spoken.

"You're headstrong and smart. Those skills together will work to create an amazing career in Starfleet. You could be an officer in four years, maybe have your own ship in eight. Unusual but no unheard of. Your father was captain of a Starship for twelve minutes and he saved over eight hundred lives...including yours."

Jim focused on the cloth on the table willing her eyes to stop burning. Tears were at the edge of her vision causing the world to become blurry. She remained still and silent, not daring to say a word. She didn't trust her voice to not break. It had been a long time before anyone had noticed her.

"I _dare_ you to do better. Shuttle for new recruits leaves at 0800 at the Riverside Shipyard."

With that Pike turned on his heel and left. Jim's mind was whirling with what he had said. The possibilities were endless and so she picked herself up, handed in her notice and left.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Jim swung her leg over her motorcycle and tried to pull on her helmet but the swelling on her cheek made it too painful to wear so she strapped it to the back of the bike. Maybe the cool night air would help.

She sped down the flat dirt road to her home, the cornfields whipping past. Dull, flat Iowa. The monotony only broken by the occasional silo as she sped by. That captain had been right. Her life here was as he had said...ordinary.

She pulled up to the small brick building that housed her apartment and slowly climbed up the stairs. It was early so Cathy might still be awake. Jim hoped that Ella was still awake. She pulled open the old wooden door and was pleased to see Catherine in her rocker recliner trying to settle the stubborn six month old. A scowl was on the baby's face at the woman's efforts and Jim couldn't help but laugh. The noise startling Cathy who gasped in horror at the sight of Jim.

"What in the Sam Hill happened to you?"

Cathy jumped up and quickly put the baby down on the rug before running over to Jim. Her hand snagged her elbow and dragged her to the bathroom to asses the damage. Jim let her with only the minimal of protests.

"There were some guys who wouldn't really take no for an answer so I had to show them no."

The old woman tsked and moved Jim's face up and around in the light.

"Looks like you'll need to see a doctor. A home medical kit can't fix that."

Jim nodded but winced at the dull pounding in her head.

"Yeah. Maybe later. I need to talk to you though."

Jim moved to the living room so that they could see Ella and sat on the old couch. Catherine joined her, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized the younger woman. Jim felt nervous but was sure she was making the right decision. After all, Cathy had been telling her to move on for the past three months.

"I met a Starfleet captain at the bar tonight."

Catherine rolled her eyes and Jim had to continue talking quickly.

"Not like _that_! Jesus woman! Mind out of the gutter!"

Jim gave a playful shove and Cathy relaxed into a small fit of giggles. Pulling a serious face she reached out and took her hands.

"He told me to join Starfleet. That he thinks I could do it and that there's a place for both Ella and me there. I need your help though."

Catherine smiled brightly at Jim and squeezed her hands.

"What do you think I've been doing? I'll always be here to help you."

Jim smiled lopsidedly.

"It's a big favor. I need someone to watch Ella while I get situated at the academy. I need to find child care, get set up, take the enrollment exams. I can't do that with her there. It should be done by Friday and then I could come back to get her."

Cathy nodded, her grin still glued to her face.

"Alright. I can get my son, Joseph to box up what you want from here to ship it to you. I'll handle the paperwork here. I need to get my baby fix before she goes off to that academy with you."

Jim could feel tears threatening to spill and she leaned over to give her a hug. The arms around her tightened and she squeezed back before pushing away. Tears were swimming in her friend's eyes.

"Thank you. Let's get started."

Jim and Catherine spent the next four hours going through her apartment labeling the things that would need to be shipped to San Francisco and what could be thrown out. Pretty much everything could be donated except Ella's belongings and Jim's clothes. There were very few trinkets she wanted to keep. Jim looked around what had been her home and sighed. There wasn't much to it but it was still sad to leave it. This had been where she had brought Ella home from the hospital, where she had spent countless hours pacing the floor in labor, where she had realized that she had the family she so desperately hungered for in Cathy and Ella.

She moved over to where the baby was sleeping and picked her up, cradling her to her chest. She smelled her head and pressed a kiss to the tuft of brown hair causing Ella to shift in annoyance. Jim smiled into her hair and moved to the living room to hold her. She had never left Ella for longer than a day before but she had to. She sat on her rocker and savored the silence. It was like the calm before the storm.

Catherine re-entered the apartment carrying a small duffel bag and her other hand was clenched tight. Jim looked up questioning and waited.

Your bag is ready and I have something for you. I was saving it for your birthday but I think you'll need it now."

The bag was carefully dropped and Catherine opened her hand to reveal a pale silver chain with a small heart attached. She walked over and placed the chain around Jim's neck. She reached down to the pendant and touched it in curiosity. There were tiny hinges on the side of the heart.

"It's been in my family for years. I never had a daughter to pass it on so I'm giving it to you."

Catherine, careful to not disturb the baby, reached around to open the locket and inside was a tiny picture of Ella. Her smiling face looked up at the camera, forever happy.

"It's a locket. It's said to be used to keep those you love close to your heart."

Jim was speechless. Her mouth opened and closed as she looked from the pendant to Cathy and back again.

"Yeah. I know. You go out there and take on the universe."

"Thank you."

Jim left after a bittersweet goodbye and sped down the dirt roads to the shipyards. Her eyes snapped to the ship bing built. It was enormous. The smooth, sleek lines marred by the scaffolding showed it was at least a good two years, minimum, from being done. The lettering identifying it had clearly just been applied.** USS Enterprise**. It was beautiful but tragic. The ground almost seemed like a chain holding it down from it's path to the stars.

Jim gave herself a little shake and continued her drive through the yard and saw the shuttle loading. She flipped off the ignition and got off the bike with her bag.

"Hey! You can't leave that here!"

Jim's head snapped around to see one of the construction workers pointing at her bike. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled, tossing the keys at him which he caught reflexively.

"Live it up."

"Seriously?" He flustered.

"Yeah."

She smiled at him before turning to head up the stairs to the shuttle. Pike stood at the door looking smug, his grey eyes flashing as Jim stood in front of him.

"Four years? I'll do it in three!"

Jim smiled at Pike's snort of laughter and moved to the seating area of the shuttle. She saw Cupcake and his cakettes all sporting various visible injuries from last night and Jim threw them a half-hearted salute and smirk.

"At ease, gentlemen."

They stiffened when they saw her and glared. Jim just shook her head and took her seat. As she shoved her bag under her seat she saw Uhura watching her and Jim nodded in greeting. It had almost been worth enlisting just seeing the look on the woman's face she decided gleefully.

"Never did get that first name."

Uhura shook her head, smiling.

"And you probably never will."

"You said probably, so I have a chance?"

She leaned forward and Uhura huffed a small laugh.

"Maybe, Kirk."

She leaned back and clipped her harness as she heard the engines start warming up but was distracted by a commotion from the rear of the craft.

Florid-faced and clearly upset, a slightly older gentleman was being forced out of the bathroom by a short dark-haired female crew member. He looked familiar. His voice was raised in argument with the woman. The southern accent strong as he protested his removal from his previous seat.

"Are you people _deaf_! I told you I don't need a doctor, dammit! I am a doctor!"

The woman wasn't having any of it as she man-handled him to the only spare seat which happened to be right next to Jim. She watched in mild entertainment as he was starting to wilt under the commanding woman.

"You need to find a seat. Sit down or I'll make you it down!"

"I had one." He argued. "In the bathroom, with no ports. I suffer from aviophobia, which in case you don't understand, means fear of dying in something that flies."

The woman shoved him forcefully down and walked away leaving Jim to get a better look. She carefully scrutinized him and felt the blood leave her face. Her mouth went impossibly dry and her heart pounded a violent tattoo against her throat. Her hand spasmed around the small locket that contained Ella's image. Of all the shuttles and all the seats.

His face was covered in stubble, hair ruffled and his eyes wild as he looked around the shuttle before finally settling on Jim.

"I might throw up on you."

An unusual greeting but there was no light of recognition. Jim wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

"I think these things are pretty safe." She ventured.

He rolled his eyes before twisting and moving closer causing her to shift in her seat.

"Don't pander to me, kid." He growled. "One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare could cook us in our seats. Hell, some of the damn passengers are _blue_! See if you're still sitting pretty when you're bleeding from your eyeballs from a case of Andorian shingles! Space is disease and danger wrapped up in darkness and silence."

Sensing his tirade was going to continue, Jim cut him off.

"I hate to break it to you but Starfleet operates in space."

The man narrowed his eyes at Jim before continuing.

"Well, I got nowhere else to go. Ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left if my bones."

He took out a silver flask and took a pull. Jim watched him and he offered the flask to her with a nod and she took it. She took a quick sip before handing it back.

"Jim Kirk."

His eyes narrowed in scrutiny as he looked at her closer. She could feel the pounding in her head in concert with her heart as she looked back refusing to flinch.

"Leonard McCoy."

His hand snaked out and grabbed her chin in a gentle but firm grip. He turned her face to see the damage and his eyes flicked to hers. They widened minutely before he slowly let go.

"What the hell happened to you? Looks like they broke your zygomatic arch."

Jim shrugged, uncomfortable by his scrutiny.

"Bar fight. But you should see the other guys."

McCoy raised an eyebrow in surprise and cracked a smile.

"Oh, really? And what did they look like?"

Jim smiled and pointed across from them to the large cadet sporting what was clearly a broken nose and his four friends around him. Each of them had a bruise or cut somewhere on their faces. One had two impressive black eyes. McCoy's jaw fell open but he recovered from his surprise like a champ and turned back to Jim.

"Yeah. About like them." She finally supplied.

The shuttle pulled higher and the inertial dampeners must have been malfunctioning because she started to feel a little dizzy. She put a hand to her head in irritation and McCoy gripped the armrests with white-knuckled hands, his jaw set in what was clearly an attempt to stave off vomiting.

"So, Bones..."

She stopped what she was saying as his head flipped around to look at her. She cursed inwardly at herself and blamed the likely concussion.

"What did you call me?"

She waved her hand vaguely. She could feel her stomach twisting in nervous anticipation.

"Uh...Bones...because you said all you've got left is your bones?"

She shrugged in an attempt at being casual but he clearly wasn't buying it. His aviophobia clearly forgotten as he looked at her.

"Hmm...you look awful familiar. You have a sister?"

She shook her head in negation but regretted it instantly as her vision swam for a moment. McCoy grabbed her chin and peered into her eyes. Hadn't he ever heard of personal space? She pulled away and he grudgingly let go.

"You need to see a doctor when we land. Lucky for you, I am one."

"I'm fine." She managed through gritted teeth.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Jim shrugged in indifference.

"So...your ex-wife...you got any kids?"

She figured if he was going to intrude on her personal space she could return the favor.

"I don't have any kids. Anyone who would bring a child into this..." He gestured vaguely around him. "...mess of a world is a fool." Jim stiffened at his exclamation and that answered her question of letting him know.

"It's dangerous. Too dangerous."

He trailed off with a sip from his flask. His eyes were distant and Jim almost wanted to ask what he meant but she felt the shuttle dip as they began their descent.

McCoy's gaze swept back to Jim as he looked at her in an almost clinically detached way.

"You really look familiar. You sure you don't have a cousin or someone named Sam?"

Her palms began to sweat and she gave a jerk of her head. The ground coming up fast and she practically unclipped her harness in record speed the second the shuttle touched down. She bent to grab her bag when she felt a hand grip her shoulder. McCoy had a grip on her like iron and his face was set.

"Come on. Let's head over to the clinic first."

Apparently, she wasn't as fast as him and she allowed herself to be steered off the shuttle. The cool September air hit her and she could smell the salt from the bay. It was refreshing and helped her feel a little calmer even with the pressure on her shoulder, clearly not letting go.

"Kirk! Over here!" A commanding voice shot out from behind her and she gave her escort an apologetic smile but he still didn't let go. With a scowl that was a complete mirror of Ella's he followed.

She walked up the path to see Captain Pike typing on a PADD and frowning in concentration. His eyebrows shot up in surprise at the site of Jim with McCoy. She was sure they looked a site. Definitely not Starfleet material.

"Well, I see you made a friend."

He turned to McCoy and frowned slightly.

"Cadet, I need to talk to Kirk, alone, to set up her testing. If I'm not mistaken, you're on the medical track."

She felt the doctor stiffen behind her but he didn't move from the obvious dismissal.

"Captain, if I may, Cadet Kirk is in need of medical attention. I was just taking her to the clinic..."

Pike raised a hand, forestalling his explanation.

"I see that. I'll send her there momentarily but for now you're dismissed, cadet."

His grip tightened painfully before he let go and reluctantly left to his department. Jim let loose a breath she didn't realize she had been holding before focusing her attention on the captain in front of her. Pike handed her his PADD and Jim looked down and saw her dorm assignment as well as the testing schedule that started tomorrow. It also included a list of on campus facilities for child care. It was well organized and she was pleased that Friday was open so she'd have no problems getting Ella.

"Thank you, sir."

Pike shifted his stance and looked down at Kirk. A slight upturn of his lips as he waited for her to realize what else was on the PADD.

"It says here that you're commandant of cadets and...that you've listed yourself as my academic advisor?"

She grimaced in embarrassment but continued reading.

"Yes. The better to keep an eye on you."

She groaned when she realized where her dorm was located. Phlox Hall. The medical dorms. She was on the second floor with the few families that went to the academy but that also meant...Bones.

"I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Make me proud cadet."

She forced herself to stand at attention and gave a quick salute before she headed to the west campus that was near the academy clinic. She'd go in the morning during sick call. Her first exam wasn't until ten anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: here's chapter four! This chapter is mostly from McCoy's perspective and provides a bit of backstory for why he is the way that he is. I'd love to hear opinions and what you all think of it so far. I hope it's ok. If anyone has ideas for improvement or ideas I can do my best to incorporate it into the story. **

**Tishbing**

Chapter Four

McCoy scowled as he left the medical dorms. He couldn't believe that at nearly thirty he was having to start over next to fresh faced kids. Well, mostly fresh faced. The Kirk girl from the shuttle was most definitely not at her best. It boiled his blood that someone would stoop so low as to hit a woman.

He made his way through the campus and past Chrissy Field to head to the cafeteria. It had been three days since he had met her on the shuttle and since then he'd seen neither hide nor hair of her. He'd waited at the clinic in the vain hope that she would have shown up but he should have known better. She'd been acting skittish around him and that confirmed his suspicions. It was her crystal blue eyes that had given her away. The hair had been different and the left side of her face had been badly swollen but he never forgot someone's eyes. They were the windows to the soul and hers had been full of fire and passion when he'd first met her in Seattle but they had dulled since then. Like life had tempered some of that vibrant flame.

He had never forgiven himself for letting her go. Sam, or rather Jim, had brought life back into his bitter heart after Jocelyn had torn it apart. Though Jocelyn had not outright killed his baby girl, Joanna, it had still been because of her that she had died. He still remembered the night he had found out.

He had been pulling a double in the ER trying to fill his time with work since his father's death. The guilt had been eating him alive at not finding the cure for pyrrhoneuritus in time to save him. She had been feeling neglected and alone. He supposed that part was his fault. All she had for company was little Joanna. A one year old was paltry companionship for her until she met Clay Treadway. She had been going to meet him for an evening tryst with Joanna asleep in the back of the car when it had happened. He remembered seeing the ambulance pulling up with both of them in it.

A drunk driver had hit them head on. Jocelyn had survived but barely and his baby...oh god. His baby girl had not made it. She had been dead on arrival. The truth had come out when Clay had come to the hospital to check on Jocelyn. He had never been able to forgive her. If she had stayed home then he'd still have his Joanna. Jocelyn blamed him saying that if he had paid more attention then she wouldn't have looked for it elsewhere. They both blamed the driver of the other car and he blamed her. He filed for divorce the next day and let Clay pick up the pieces where Jocelyn was concerned. He hadn't wanted anything, just to be rid of her and that life.

He had thrown himself back into work and the bottle while the divorce was being finalized. His supervisor had wanted him out of his hair for a while and thought a conference being held in Seattle would be a good break for him. After all, he couldn't say no to something work related. The conference had been going on all day on differing treatments for blunt abdominal trauma and soon to move on to reacting in a mass casualty situation when it had ended. He had gone back to the hotel before deciding to head out to see the bar scene when she came over.

He was not one to have one night stands or meet people at a bar. He had accepted her company reluctantly but soon found out that she was more than a hook up. She hadn't gone home with him that night and instead had wrangled him in meeting her the next day for lunch at a park she had suggested. He had agreed grudgingly only after seeing the hopeful look in those bright blue eyes.

_After driving through what seemed like miles of side streets he finally pulled into a parking lot with a view of a small sandy beach leading into the waters of the puget sound. Directly across was a breathtaking vista of a mountainous range. It was beautiful. He hadn't realized she had been talking about a beach. It had been called Golden Gardens Park not beach._

_He walked onto the sand, feeling ridiculous in his khakis and loafers as he looked around for the brunette from last night. He spotted her quickly near the water and wearing a two piece suit slightly covered by a pair of shorts and a white button-down shirt that was open, her hair loose and wavy around her shoulders and swaying as she waved frantically at him. She was slim and toned and he had to rein in his thoughts as she smiled at him. The sun seemed to pale in comparison to her bright demeanor and vibrant white smile. _

_He made his way over after taking off his shoes and rolling up his pants. She had set up an umbrella and large blanket along with a cooler stuffed to the gills with sandwiches, hot dogs and cold lemonade. He saw a stack of firewood next to a fire pit and a small leather bound book. He couldn't help but smile at all the effort put in. He'd never had anyone put an effort into something for him before. He quickly sent a message to the university stating he wasn't going to be able to return for the day and sat down on the blanket._

_"Wasn't sure you were gonna show up. I'm glad you came otherwise I'd have had to share with those volleyball players over there."_

_She hiked a thumb over her shoulder where a group of young men were eyeing her and waving. She waved back and shrugged, pointing at Leonard before turning back to him._

_"Looks like they're not too happy I showed up." He grumbled and accepted the sandwich she handed him._

_She rolled her eyes and shook her shoulders._

_"It truly is their loss, not mine. I'm just here to have a good time and maybe meet some interesting people before I go home."_

_She stretched out on her stomach and nibbled on a carrot. _

_"So, Sam, what made you come out here?" _

_"I wanted a change. Threw a dart at a map and it landed here. My birthdays have always been treated as more of a funeral and I wanted to get away from it."_

_He nodded in understanding and dusted off the crumbs from his lunch. The sun was really beating down and making him sweat. He considered taking off his shirt but he felt a bit self-conscious in front of Sam. He could see the beginnings of a burn on her cheeks and arms. She must have noticed his indecision and scrutiny because she pulled out a bottle of sunscreen and began applying it liberally._

_"You know that most people take off their shirts at the beach."_

_She waggled her eyebrows at him and waited. He huffed and pulled off his button-down and felt a small ripple of pleasure at her eyes widening. _

_"Wow. So...uh...wanna play some volleyball?"_

_They had spent the afternoon and the evening at the beach talking and just relaxing ending up with a bonfire as the sun had set. It had been a perfect day and though Leonard could feel sand in places he didn't want to think about he had truly had a great time. Sam had been a wonderful host and was currently packing away their supplies. Leonard was folding the towel when he saw Sam go down on the stairs to the parking lot. The cooler flying out of her hand and everything falling away. He dropped the towel and lunged to meet her._

_"SAM! Sam, what happened?" He gasped._

_She didn't look too bad. In fact, her face was red in what looked like embarrassment._

_"I'm fine. Some kid left a beach toy on the steps and I didn't see it. My pride's hurt more than anything."_

_She moved to get up and was taking a step when she crumpled and held onto her foot. McCoy quickly caught her and gently lowered her down._

_"If your pride's in your foot. You're lucky you didn't break your neck."_

_He kneeled down to press at her ankle and foot but she batted his hands away going a more furious shade of red._

_"I'm fine. I'll ice it when I get back to my apartment. It's probably just a sprain."_

_He pulled her hands in his and saw the heels of her palms were scraped as well. He raised an eyebrow at her in exasperation and opened his mouth to protest when she pulled her hands out of his and made to get up again before stumbling back into his arms._

_"Damn."_

_He knew a stubborn patient when he saw one and he bent and picked her up bridal style and carried her to his car amid furious protests and wiggling to escape. _

_"Bones! Put me down!"_

_Her eyes were narrowed in anger as he quickly buckled her into the passenger seat. She crossed her arms and glared at him. He shook his head and chuckled._

_"Sam, I have a med kit at my place. I would be remiss in letting you...well you can't walk away on that foot. At least let me check it over. You can stay at my place tonight. It's a suite so I can take the couch. We can get your car in the morning."_

_He shut the door on her argument and made quick work of the rest of the supplies._

_Sam was the most stubborn patient he'd ever met. She was equal parts charming and distracting as well as out and out exasperating. He noticed on his scans that she had a large number of previous breaks all over and he saw hints of regularly spaced scars across her back. She wouldn't tell him what happened, just that she'd had a rough childhood. He repaired the muscle sprain in her ankle and was glad there was no tendon damage. He wrapped it in a bandage that tightened automatically to support the joint and closed the cuts on her hand. She fell asleep on the couch during his ministrations so he moved her to the bed and tucked her in. _

_Her face was relaxed in sleep and she grimaced before turning over. She looked so peaceful and beautiful. McCoy brushed a strand of hair away and smiled. Sam was a contradiction, simultaneously wanting his company but shoving him away when she needed it, acting dumb in front of strangers but holding an intelligent conversation with him about the history of Seattle from the mid 19th century citing the lumber industry and the Klondike gold rush in 1897 all through to the present. She was a veritable fountain of unusual information. It was useful when neither of them wanted to talk about their past._

_Morning had come early and he woke to an empty hotel room. He was disappointed that she had left but went to shower for the day. He came out and was toweling his hair and face when a wolf whistle caused him to jump and flush bright red. His heart hammering and heat climbed from his toes all the way to his scalp when he saw Sam smiling with two containers of coffee and a bag of pastries. He quickly threw the towel over his waist with an indignant squawk._

_"Well...good morning to you too Bones."_

_She smiled wickedly and he had to stifle a groan of embarrassment._

_"A very good morning indeed. Normally, it's dinner and a show but breakfast and a show isn't so bad, either. Coffee?"_

_She held out the coffee with an not entirely innocent look and he snatched it out of her hand with a glare._

"Dammit Sam! I thought you'd gone home. You could have left a note."

He sipped the scalding liquid gratefully and pulled a shirt over his head.

"I did. On the dresser."

He looked down and sure enough, there it was. A small scrap of paper. He quickly pulled on his boxers under the towel and then pants.

_"Well, in any case, you shouldn't be putting too much weight on that foot."_

_She shrugged and smiled._

_"I'm fine. You did a great job fixing me up. I wanted to thank you by taking you out to dinner tonight. There's a dinner cruise that leaves the pier at sundown and I think it'd be fun."_

_She moved closer to him and he felt nervous but excited as she looked up at him, mischief written all over her face. He stayed still as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward. He moved closer and pressed his lips to hers. A gentle, chaste kiss until she tilted her head and pressed closer. He could smell the hotel soap in her hair, feel the softness of her lips and he flicked a tongue over her lips which she parted for him. He deepened the kiss, tasting the coffee and something sweet. His hands moved to her back and he held her close until they had to part to breath._

_She smiled at him, a wry grin with kiss swollen lips making her eyes sparkle. A warm feeling settled in his chest and he knew he wouldn't make it to the conference that day._

He smiled at the memory. Sam had found his limits and pushed them relentlessly. She had forced him to go camping in the Olympic Peninsula the next day even making him go skinny dipping late in the night in the lake. He had cited all the risks and she had just smiled at him and stripped under the moonlight before wading in with a look that had him following like some damn lost puppy.

It had all ended when Jocelyn had called. She had disappeared after overhearing the conversation or rather shouting match. Even several thousands of miles away, Jocelyn knew how to ruin everything. Sam had never said her last name or left a number. It had been a serious blow when he went back and found that she had left. He had held out hope that they would meet again and when he had gotten a good look at the girl in the shuttle he had almost crowed with delight. Sam was there. He knew she had recognized him as well.

The avoidance was understandable. He had misled her about his marriage by telling her he was divorced. He had mostly been divorced at the time. All that had remained was the final paper signing that he had been waiting on. He must have looked like a low life, cheating on his wife on a business trip. She'd probably felt used. If she had felt just a fraction of what he had felt during their time together then he was pretty sure they had something special. He just needed to get Sam-no, Jim to agree to speak with him. She was truly the master of avoidance. She was pulling some serious stops out by pretending she didn't know him and then by making sure he wasn't at clinic when she snuck in. He just needed to have his say.

The cafeteria was packed with what seemed like every cadet on campus. He kept his eyes peeled for a seat in the room after he had his tray and was about to give up when he spotted an open chair to the left and at the back next to...Jim. He smiled at the opportunity and moved across the room. Jim was talking animatedly to another cadet next to her. A young Caitian female was twiddling her tail and smiling with pointed teeth as Jim was alternately squeaking and making what seemed like wholly undignified noises. Her face scrunched in concentration.

"No, Jeem, it is like this." She purred and repeated the noises with a slight inflection towards the end.

"Well...I guess I'll have to have you next to me when I go to visit Cait."

She laughed and ran a paw through the dark orange fur on her cheek when she looked up and saw McCoy who had just sat down. Her almond shaped eyes widened and she turned back to Jim.

"Looks like you have a friend here. I have to go study for my last exam in engineering before meeting my advisor. I'll see you on Monday."

Jim smiled and bowed her head. The Caitian repeated the gesture and left with a quick glance at McCoy before sashaying out of the cafeteria with many glances from the males in the room following her. Once she had left, Jim turned in her seat and her eyes went comically wide before a mask descended and it hit neutral.

"Dr. McCoy." She nodded in greeting.

He could see the faint yellowing around her cheekbone from her previous injury but other than that she looked good. He decided to play it slow and give her something to think about.

"Jim."

He nodded back and gave a tight smile.

"I didn't see you at the clinic. I got a little concerned."

She shrugged and picked up the PADD next to her using it almost like a shield between them.

"Time got away from me and the clinic was closed by the time I got there. I saw Dr. Patel in the morning at sick call."

She turned away and started to tap at the screen but McCoy could see that it was just a ruse. Her eyes weren't moving as she "read" her PADD and her shoulders were tense.

"Jim, can I tell you a story?"

Her face flushed but she didn't leave. He decided that was a good sign and continued.

"I met this girl in Seattle a little over a year ago. She called herself Sam."

Jim's body was so tense it looked like it was going to snap.

"She was a lot of fun to be with. She was smart and adventurous and I really cared for her. Then one morning, she overheard a phone call from my soon to be ex-wife. Sam didn't hear the conversation in it's entirety and misunderstood. She left before I could correct the misunderstanding and I felt horrible ever since."

Jim's shoulders dropped slightly but she was still staring at the table with a very red face.

"She must have felt used and that is something I would never do. I didn't mean for her to get hurt and I've been wanting to say sorry for a long time."

Jim looked up and her expression was sad but firm.

"A lot's changed since then. I'm not her anymore." She whispered.

He breathed a sigh of relief at her acknowledgement and hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder.

"I can see that. I've changed too but I'd like to get to know you again, if that's alright. Maybe go for a coffee tonight after exams?"

She bit her lip and looked around. He saw that she was becoming uncomfortable and he wasn't sure why.

"It's just coffee." He insisted.

She breathed a sigh and pulled on her messenger bag.

"I'm going out of town for the weekend. I leave tonight. Rain check?"

She quickly stood and smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. He didn't want to let her leave while she was in that state but he had to let her go and give her time. It was like the horses at his mother's house. You had to know when to back off when they were spooked and Jim was definitely spooked.

"Ok. I'll hold you to that."

He raised his coffee mug and smiled brightly.

Jim didn't know what to think anymore. She had thought of Bones as a cheating scumbag who'd used her in Seattle. He had seemed genuine during the time they had spent together but then the call had turn everything on it's head. She didn't know what to do. The locket with Ella's picture felt heavier than ever around her neck at the thought of Bones actually being a good man. Her instincts about people were rarely wrong and that had been why she had latched onto him during her trip.

He seemed to legitimately be telling her the truth of what had happened but she felt a surge of guilt at keeping Ella from him now that the situation had changed so drastically. The conversation from the shuttle came floating to the forefront of her mind and it pushed her guilt away a little bit.

_"Anyone who would bring a child into this mess of a world is a fool."_

He clearly wanted to not have anything to do with kids and she really didn't want to lay it on him. He was still fresh from his divorce and she had no desire to be a rebound or to possibly make him resent Ella or her. She decided that for now she'd leave it be. She just hoped that he would take the hint. Maybe once her schedule settled she'd be able to deal with it. She was set to take advanced command track classes and with having Ella, it would be a struggle to even sleep.

She hitched her overnight bag on her shoulder and left the shuttle at the Riverside Shipyard and looked around for Cathy's car. She spotted it at the back and there was Cathy waving frantically with little Ella perched on her hip. Jim could barely contain her happiness at the sight of her little family. Ella's fuzzy hair was covered by a pink hat and her little arms were stuck out at the sides by a puffy purple coat. She looked pretty upset at not being able get her thumb in her mouth but it morphed into giggles when her blue eyes had settled on Jim.

"Hey, Girl! This little one missed her momma."

Cathy reached her with a very tired grin and wrapped her in a hug causing Ella to wriggle in protest at being squished. Jim leaned down a picked up the baby, pressing kisses onto her cheeks. The giggles made the trip worth it.

"Hey Cathy. I can see that Ella has kept you on your toes. You look like you're dead on your feet."

Up close, her friend's face seemed even more lined than when she had left only five days ago. Her shoulders looked slumped and her walk was slower than usual. Jim loaded the baby into the car and climbed into the passenger seat.

"It's been a long time since I had a baby full-time. My youngest is forty." She explained.

They pulled out for the short ride home and Cathy had a tired smile on her face.

"But it was fun. To see that smile in the mornings was a joy. I'm sure going to miss you girls but you're going to be better off in San Francisco."

Jim's mind wandered as they passed the rows of fields darkening as night fell. She thought of what was at Starfleet Academy. Her future as well as her past and it was going to be a fine line to walk.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: hi! Sorry for the delay in the update. I really wanted to have the dramatic confrontation In this chapter but I also wanted to get the chapter up faster and build up some extra characters. I want to hear from you! Today is my 28th birthday so treat me to some reviews! Please! Also, the reveal will not quite go how Jim wants. It will have drama! It's begging to be written so I hope to have it up soon. What do you think of Pike? Too OoC? **

**Tishbing**

Chapter 5

Jim stretched like a cat on Cathy's old couch. The smell of coffee brewing helped pull her out from the arms of Morpheus and into the waking world. Being back with Ella and Cathy was like putting on a comfortable sweater. It was a warm and content feeling. She pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail and made her way to the kitchen where sounds of cooking and talking were floating out to her.

Mrs. Jameson was at the stove cooking eggs and bacon with toast on the side and little Ella was bright-eyed and babbling in her highchair banging on the tray with her rattle. It was loud enough to wake the dead. Her fuzzy hair was sticking up everywhere and her smile widened when she saw her mom.

"Good morning, beautiful! We're going to be taking a trip today! You excited?"

She gave Ella a little tickle and kiss before walking to the coffee pot. She quickly poured a cup and went to grab a piece of bacon before her hand was gently smacked away by Cathy with a stern but affectionate look.

"Jamie! Were you raised in a barn? We wait until everyone is seated. I fear for that child learning proper manners from you." She scolded.

Jim dodged her playful shooing and popped a piece of bacon in her mouth.

"I think a little barbarism is good for character development. Has she eaten yet?"

Cathy rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Just a bottle of formula. I've finally weaned her from breastmilk so you won't have to worry about it. That girl is a smart one. She is stubborn."

She pointed at Ella and Jim smiled. Ella giggled and threw her rattle toy which Jim deftly caught.

"There's puréed fruit and rice cereal on the counter."

Jim spun and gave Cathy a quick hug which the older woman returned even though her attention was divided. The little bowl and spoon was waiting for her so she grabbed it and started to spoon the food into Ella's eager mouth. The two teeth on the bottom were fully in and it was a cute smile.

Cathy carried two plates to the table, Jim's piled suspiciously high and sat across from her. The older woman started eating but was watching Jim with a look in her eyes that didn't bode well for her.

"What?" She asked, trying to feign innocence but Cathy's eyes were narrowed in observation and a smirk played on her lips.

"You've already changed. You look happier but there's something you're not telling me."

Jim sighed and turned to face her friend. Cathy knew her too well.

"Yeah. I found Bones or rather he found me. He's at the academy as well."

Cathy's eyes lit up and settled on Ella.

"Have you told him? Is he still married? What's his name?" Cathy fired off her questions in quick succession.

"No, no and Leonard McCoy. I'm not sure he respond too positively to finding out about Ella. His views on children are...unconventional."

Jim focused on finishing feeding the baby and wiping her clean but she could feel Catherine's skeptical gaze on her.

"You have to tell him. He'll find out sooner or later and it'd be better coming from you than some Starfleet official or someone else. Also, as you know, it's not easy growing up without a father. Ella deserves to have that much and so does he." She admonished.

That stung. Jim fiddled with her food. She didn't want to admit it but Cathy was right. She thought for a moment and came up with a solution that seemed fair.

"I'll tell him in a month. That'll give us time to settle into a routine. Things are so up in the air right now that it'd be too much for us to handle."

Cathy pursed her lips in disapproval and decided to interject using her fork to point at Jim to illustrate her point.

"A week. If I find out you haven't told him then I will. I expect you to follow through and do the right thing. Starfleet Medical will want to find a blood relative next of kin for that child if something was to happen to you. Time is limited."

Jim sputtered in indignation and Cathy put a finger up to forestall her protests.

"Jamie, I know you. You can do this. Seven days from tomorrow."

Jim glared and huffed with irritation but agreed with the timetable.

The shuttle had deposited them onto the pad at Starfleet Academy. She placed Ella in the jogging stroller and struggled with the travel playpen and large duffel containing the baby's belongings. She stumbled across the quad and was really glad that the rest of her stuff would be delivered in two weeks. Cathy had done an expert job in organizing her move. It was almost as if she had been planning on kicking her out of Riverside for a while.

Jim had to hurry. It was getting close to her scheduled meeting time with Captain Pike. She was just thankful that since it was Saturday it would be considered an informal meeting. Jim had been able to procure childcare but not a babysitter for times outside of school hours.

She was beginning to feel the strain of the bags digging into her shoulders when a shout from behind her caused her to freeze in her tracks. She slowly turned and groaned as the cadet jogged up to her with a friend.

"Hello Uhura. I'm in a bit of a hurry but if you're here to tell me that first name I can make the time." She flashed her best shit-eating grin and batted her eyelashes at her which caused her very green friend to giggle. Uhura's jaw dropped at the sight of the stroller and infant but she quickly recovered.

"You didn't say you had a kid."

Both of the newcomers kneeled in front of the stroller to see the sleeping child and Jim had to shift her weight to better hold the bags. The straps were cutting into her shoulders making her arms numb and time was rapidly running out.

"Yeah. Listen, I've got to run. I've got a meeting with my academic advisor in an hour. It was nice meeting you..."

She gestured to the green girl next to the leggy Uhura when she jumped up and thumbed at her friend.

"Gaila Vro. She's my roommate. I didn't know the academy had families here."

Jim jerked her head in greeting. "I'm just that special. I've got to go."

Jim moved to go past them but Uhura stepped in her path.

"We could help you with those bags."

Jim was surprised enough that she didn't offer resistance as the two women took the duffel and the playpen from her. She rolled her shoulders to return the circulation to her limbs and smiled gratefully. Maybe Uhura felt bad for Iowa or maybe she wanted to be friends. Whatever it was, it was nice.

"Thanks." She told them.

Gaila shrugged.

"Uhura told me about your meeting. She felt bad about what happened but said you were pretty good at holding your own."

Jim tilted her head forward in affirmation. Now that Jim wasn't focused on her arms falling off, she could get a better look at Gaila. Her skin was a beautiful emerald and her hair was a long, curly red. She had a fun, mischievous smile. She looked like a good match for Uhura's seriousness. Both girls kept glancing between the child and Jim. Their expressions were hard to read but it didn't look bad. Mostly curiosity and probably a good bit of surprise.

"She's adorable, Kirk. Took after her dad?"

Jim snorted at Uhura's bluntness.

"And here I thought you were beginning to like me." She quipped.

The two girls laughed as they made their way to Phlox hall. Once inside her quarters on the second floor, Jim hurried to the bathroom to throw on her reds while the girls fawned over Ella who was still asleep in the stroller. She quickly tied back her hair and came out to throw on her boots when sounds of the baby crying brought her out faster.

Uhura was holding Ella and trying to sooth her while Gaila was shaking her stuffed puppy in an attempt to distract the baby. The sight was...endearing. She stepped out into the main living room.

"She's hungry." Jim said simply.

She walked over to the duffle and took out a clean, empty bottle and a container of formula. She mixed it and took Ella out of Uhura's arms. Once the bottle was popped into Ella's mouth, she grabbed it with both hands and quieted immediately.

"Thanks for trying." She said breathlessly.

Jim looked at the chrono on the wall and startled.

"Damn. I'm going to be late." Grumbling, she ran over to put Ella in the stroller and then pulled on her boots, hopping on one foot when Gaila stepped forward.

"We could watch her for a bit. She's really cute."

Jim hesitated, thinking. On the one hand, she didn't know them but they would hardly hurt a baby. On the other hand, she really didn't want to risk being late and giving a bad impression.

"Do you even know how to take care of a baby?" She started to pull out the diaper bag.

"It can't be that hard." Uhura replied.

Jim shrugged her shoulders.

"Fine. I'll be back in about an hour or two. There's diapers in the bag and spare clothes and toys in the duffle."

She took out her comm and waved it at the girls.

"Call me if anything happens. My number's listed on the refrigerator in the kitchenette."

Jim pressed a kiss to Ella's fluffy head but she was watching the girls with wide blue eyes. She had only seen humans back in Iowa. She was clearly perplexed at the sight of an orion in front of her making cooing noises.

Jim sped down the hallway to Captain Pike's office. He was up on the seventh floor of Archer Hall so it took her a while to get there. She finally arrived, out of breath, and the secretary at the desk gave her a skeptical look. Jim glanced at the time and saw she was right on time, if a little disheveled. She straightened her skirt and ran a hand over her hair to smooth the flyaways.

"Cadet Kirk here to see Captain Pike. I have an appointment." She said with authority. The blond woman at the desk raised an eyebrow at her and turned away with a look of disdain to key into the intercom when the door to Pike's office slid open. The man was standing ramrod straight and looked at Kirk sternly. She had a sudden instinct to run but she simply straightened her stance and snapped a quick salute.

"Cadet Kirk, reporting, sir."

"Come in, Cadet." He stepped back to admit her but she could see a hint of a smile and his eyes were clearly shining in amusement. A few years ago she would have slapped herself and screamed _"What the hell are you doing?"_. But for some reason, it felt right.

The door closed behind her and immediately Pike's demeanor changed. He looked more like a father looking at a favorite daughter and Jim turned to look behind her and then looked back at Pike with confusion.

"Sir?"

He started laughing and gestured at the seat across from his desk which she took with slight hesitation.

"Jim Kirk. I still can't believe you actually took me up on my offer. I'm impressed. You cleaned up pretty good."

Jim had to really fight the urge to roll her eyes. Pike tapped a few buttons on his computer and turned the monitor so she could see. She leaned forward in her seat and squinted to see the print on screen. On one side were her test scores and even she was surprised by the results, while the other side had a listing of recommended subjects.

"I was impressed by your scores. They exceeded expectations and your goal of three years to gain a commission is a feasible possibility. Your first year will mostly be theoretical. I'd recommend Federation History, Ethics, Tactical eventually moving to advanced tactical next semester. I want you to start in the advanced hand-to-hand combat class with the second years."

He started pointing at all of the classes he wanted her to take, the clubs she should join and extra credit courses that she could do. It was overwhelming and she was beginning to feel a little nervous. Pike's confidence in her was really unnerving.

"Ok. Next semester, I think you'll want to focus on command and engineering. There's a diplomacy seminar that is set to start with a mix of first through fourth year students. It is completely performance based and if you apply yourself as you did on these entrance exams, I know you'll do well."

Jim smiled and blushed in pleasure.

"Captain, I appreciate your confidence in me..." She trailed off unsure of what else to say.

He nodded with a smile and turned his monitor back around. He sent her a class list and handed her her assigned PADD and a required materials list to get the texts she'd need. He sat back and studied her with a small frown creasing his forehead.

"Jim, I have to say that I'm a little surprised. Where's Ella? I was kind of hoping to meet her. To see the force that is helping to shape you into a responsible adult. I saw your records. They tapered off about six months before she was born."

Jim shook her head and blew a deep breath, puffing her cheeks and closing her eyes in embarrassment at the mention of her history. She wasn't one to play by the rules but she had changed to make a better life for herself and her kid.

"A few cadets took a shine to her and volunteered to watch her so I could attend the meeting with you. Cadet Uhura and Cadet Vro."

Pike leaned forward and clasped his hands on the desk. His demeanor turning serious.

"I don't have advisees typically. Being commandant of cadets is mostly a full-time job but when I do I like to get to know the cadets under me. This is more of a meet and greet than a formal meeting. You can relax, Kirk."

Jim shrugged off some of the tension and tried to relax but Pike was an unknown. She felt like she knew him from somewhere but just couldn't really remember.

"I didn't see a father listed for Ella. How does he feel about this?" He waved a hand to signify Starfleet and just like that Jim tensed up.

"I'm working on that." She said stiffly.

Pike steepled his fingers and leaned his chin on them, his grey eyes sharpening in interest.

"What do you mean you're working on it? Does that mean that you haven't told the father that you're in Starfleet or that the father doesn't even know that Ella exists?" He paused and watched her reaction before adding. "Or both?"

Jim's brows drew together in frustration. She didn't feel comfortable discussing her personal life with a Starfleet captain but she supposed it was his job to make sure each cadet succeeds.

"It's complicated. I'm going to tell him. I'm just trying to figure out how."

Pike shook his head in disbelief.

"The simple truth usually helps. You may think you can take on the world by yourself but to take on the universe you're gonna need help. That's part of what we teach here. Working as part of a team. It's the same in parenting."

Jim started to protest but Pike put up a hand.

"I know that you are doing fine on your own...right now but things may change and you could need the help. Trust me on this. Sometimes it's best to share responsibility."

"I know. I just don't know if he'll want to." Jim murmured.

Pike's lips turned into an indulgent smile.

"I think you'd be surprised. Give him a chance."

Jim understood the dismissal and stood to leave.

"I will, sir. Thank you."

Jim left Pike's office, her mind on the past conversations with Cathy and Captain Pike. They were right and if she tried to renege on her agreement with Cathy, then the woman would do it for her. Cathy was a great friend and like a mother to her. She damn well interfered like one, too.

"Jim! Hey Jim!" A deep voice shouted out.

"Damn it." She hissed under her breath.

She immediately plastered on a smile and turned to see Leonard McCoy rushing over. Jim had to do a double take. He looked even better. His face was flushed from running to catch up to her and his hair was slightly messy. He looked cute. All she could think of was _down girl!_ She had to shake off her attraction to him and focus on the very real situation that he may never speak to her after she tells him.

"Hi."

"Hey, Jim. How about that rain check? I've got a shift tonight at Starfleet Medical in a couple of hours but I have time for a coffee."

His face looked so hopeful it was hard to turn him down. She didn't have time for the fallout. Ella was at her dorm and she didn't want to take advantage of the girls.

"I'm sorry but I have somewhere to be but I just met with my academic advisor but I do have Friday afternoons free. I need to talk to you about something."

She had to force herself to meet his eyes. Her heart was pounding and she waited for the turn down. To her surprise, his demeanor brightened.

"Well, that's great. I'm off on Friday afternoons, too. I have a shift at the hospital at four but I'm free before that. Lunch?"

"Sure. How about the campus cafe near the gardens around 12:30?"

Jim arrived back to her dorm, after shaking Bones off her trail, to see chaos. But it was sickeningly sweet chaos. Uhura and Gaila were having an impromptu dance party with Ella bouncing on the Orion's hip. She was giggling and babbling her pleasure at the movement and Uhura dancing gracefully in front of her. Jim had to resist the temptation to say something smart-assed. It would be too easy but sometimes sacrifices had to be made. She settled for wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at them.

"Well, it looks like you three are having too much fun."

Uhura quickly composed herself and even though her cheeks were flushed her breathing was normal. Gaila, on the other hand, didn't stop her movements. Jim had to shake her head as the woman's pheromones hit her.

"She really is a cute kid, Kirk."

"Thank you. Want to stay for dinner? It's the least I can do since you guys did the hard work." She indicated Gaila and Ella still dancing.

For a moment it looked like she'd refuse but she agreed. Jim quickly ordered pizza for the three of them and set to mixing Ella's dinner. Puréed Peas and rice cereal with a small bottle of juice. She sat at the table with coffee and the two cadets while she fed Ella on her lap. She turned the attention to her guests.

"So Gaila, what's going to be your focus?" She spooned a pile of the mixture into Ella's mouth while miming with her mouth to Ella's delight. Gaila blushed a dark emerald.

"Engineering and computers. I love seeing how things work. Taking something apart and figuring out what makes it tick..." She looked up and breathed a deep sigh, smiling in what was apparently a pleasant memory. "It's almost as good as great sex!"

Jim chuckled and Uhura rolled her eyes. Jim pointed the spoon at her.

"Maybe you haven't met the right guy to have to compare engines to sex. I knew this one guy..." Jim felt her cheeks grow hot and she looked down suddenly finding cleaning Ella's face very interesting. Both of the girls stared at Jim with narrowed eyes and knowing smiles.

"Oh _really_. Was this guy..." Uhura gestured with her head to Ella. Jim flushed an even darker red and nodded quickly.

"Yeah. We had a lot of fun and I got Ella. All in all not a bad deal. I just hope he feels the same when I tell him."

Both girls leaned forward in eager anticipation.

"Wait. You haven't told him?" Gaila exclaimed.

Jim shook her head. The thought of Friday weighed heavily on her mind. Uhura chimed in.

"Is it someone here at the academy? Is that why you have to come out?"

Jim blanched and stared at Uhura. Her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. She was clearly well versed in non-verbal cues as well as verbal languages because she whistled and leaned back triumphantly.

"Oh, wow. So...who is he?"

Just then the pizza arrived and gave Jim the excuse to dodge the question. She almost liked it better when Uhura didn't talk to her. Jim was pleased that the playpen had been set up and she placed the babe inside and collected the pizza and paid with her credit chip.

"I wasn't sure what to get so I got a margarita and a pepperoni."

She placed the food on the dining table and passed out napkins. Uhura and Gaila accepted the napkins and each took a slice but both were watching her and waiting expectantly. Jim could only take the staring for so long before she gave in.

"Look, I don't want to tell you guys before I talk to him. I'm going to talk to him on Friday. No excuses."

Uhura shrugged and started eating. Jim took this to mean acceptance of her statement and chose to relax and enjoy the company.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: ok, here's the big find out. It doesn't quite go to plan for Jim and I wanted to show that Bones is a badass doctor. It reminds me of when he was manhandling Kirk on the movie when he gave him the vaccine on the movie. The fact that even though Kirk tried to get away McCoy steamrolls right over him. Please let me know what you think and how you might want things to progress or if you think it's bad then please PM me with ideas to improve it. I got the info on meningitis off of web MD so I just exacerbated the illness slightly but kept most of it. I loved hearing from everyone! Thank you so much for letting me know what everyone thought. Please continue. Your reviews keep me happy!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Six

Jim's alarm starting blaring and she groaned. It was Friday morning, D-Day. She opened her eyes and had to immediately close them. The light was piercing and painful. It felt like knives drilling into her skull. She felt hot and cold alternately everywhere and her hair was sticking to her head with sweat. She slowly opened her eyes again and looked at the bedside chrono. 7:10am. Too late for her to keep laying in bed and she had class at 8:00. She sluggishly pulled herself upright and cried out as pain lanced through her neck and up into her skull.

"Damn it." She hissed.

Tears were stinging in her eyes and made the pain worse. Jim had to blink them back and move on. She had a long enough day ahead of her without this to deal with.

A hot shower had helped ease some of the discomfort in her neck and shoulder region but not by much. Picking up Ella had been torture and bending to put on her boots was a nightmare. She was sitting at the back of her tactics class and having to squint to see the screen illuminating ambush scenarios.

By the end of class she couldn't deny that she had to be sick. At first, she had tried to disseminate her symptoms as left over muscle pain from hand-to-hand yesterday. One of cupcake's cronies from the bar, a Sean Finnegan, had taken a particular "shine" to her. He had an unusual gleam in his eye when she had been paired with him by the instructor and was ruthless when they had sparred. Jim had been able to defeat him each time without injuring him but he had had no qualms about returning the courtesy. He had been especially vicious when he pinned her to the mat with a knee pressed into her lower back. Had the instructor not walked by at that moment she would have broken Finnegan's leg. She still had a damn bruise on her hip from him so her entire spine was hurting. If she had time she would have run to the clinic for an antiviral hypo to beat this cold but she had to meet McCoy.

She was bone-tired by the time she had arrived at the cafe and her head was pounding in beat with the pain shooting down her neck. She didn't see McCoy anywhere so she grabbed a coffee and sat in a booth along the side. She brought her legs up onto the bench and carefully leaned back against the wall so she could close her eyes. Just for a minute. That's all.

McCoy grumbled as he rushed across the grounds to the cafe so he could meet Jim. He hoped she hadn't thought he'd stood her up and that she'd still be there. He was an hour late and he'd tried comming her but hadn't gotten a response. She had to have been pretty pissed. It had seemed like this meeting was important to Jim and he'd really wanted to be on time. That had been one of Jocelyn's pet peeves, that he was always late, but he couldn't help it this time. His biochemistry instructor had been interested in finding out more about him. Any other day he would have enjoyed the conversation but today he was in a hurry.

The cafe was pretty quiet and there weren't many customers inside since the lunch rush was over. He walked along the tables and saw a pair of boots, crossed at the heel, sticking out of a booth. The owner was still and so he walked up to see if it was Jim.

He saw her, head slightly tilted back, deep in sleep as she was leaning back against the wall. Her hair was up in a pony-tail but the flyaways were sticking to her head and curling from sweat. Jim was pale but with patches of bright red color high on her cheekbones, dark circles under her eyes and her face was covered in a thin sheen of moisture. He frowned as he looked at her with a more clinical eye. She was stiff, even in sleep and it was obvious that Jim was burning up. The lines on her face showed that she was in pain and judging by the comm on the table signifying six missed calls, she was exhausted. His worry started to escalate as he looked her over and settling in his stomach like a lead weight.

He reached across the table and touched her shoulder to give her a nudge to wake her up. He was shocked by the heat radiating off of her.

"Jim. Jim!"

He had to give her a good shake before her eyes opened. She jerked forward with a wince and a hiss, her hand automatically reaching for her neck.

"Oh, hey Bones. I'm sorry. Must have dozed off." Her voice was wavering and she was squinting up at him. He needed to get her to the clinic, probably Starfleet Medical.

She indicated the bench across from her and was struggling to look him in the eye. Due to pain or uncomfortable with the meeting, he couldn't tell.

"Are you going to have a seat or am I going to have to start talking to your abdomen? Only my neck's killing me from hand-to-hand yesterday."

He bent down to her level and he could see her eyes were bright with fever. He reached out a hand to check her forehead but she swatted it away and confirmed what he suspected. Alarm bells were ringing in his head.

"Jim, come on. Let's go. You need to go to the hospital."

He reached for her and she let him pull her up but shoved off of him the moment she was vertical.

"It's just a cold and I need to talk to you. It's important."

He reached forward but she stepped back out of his reach. He rolled his eyes and pursed his lips in irritation. Did she have no sense of self-preservation. Whatever she had to tell him was minor compared to how sick she obviously was.

"It can wait. You need to be seen." He stepped forward again and got a hold of her arm. "Now." He added and he pulled her to the door and out of the restaurant. He could feel the heat radiating off of her and she wavered on her feet so he moved closer and placed an arm around her waist to support her. Her gait was stiff as they walked to the clinic and she started a weak struggle against him.

"Dammit Jim. _Stop it._ If you don't I'm gonna call for an ambulance." He grumbled.

She stopped her physical protests and moved on to verbal. He just tightened his grip and flagged the shuttle that was due to take off to the main hospital across the bay. He half-dragged the blond and maneuvered her into a seat while he took the one next to her. She glared at him and if she hadn't been so ill he would have would it funny.

"Look Bones, I know that as a doctor you think you know everything but right now you are being paranoid. It's just a cold and I don't have _time_ for this. What I need to talk to you about can't wait." She hissed in a very angry whisper.

Jesus! This kid just did not give up.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. I'm a Starfleet physician and you're a cadet. In this instance, i.e. you being a sick cadet, my authority is higher and right now I say you need to be seen now."

He was glad when they finally pulled up to the main complex. Jim had began trembling and shivering at that point. He pulled her into the ER and grabbed his lab coat and ID on the way. Jim looked even worse under the harsh glare of the recessed lighting. She had began to hunch over into herself and he had to help her onto a biobed.

"I just want to run a quick scan to get an idea of what's going on. Afterwards we can talk. Ok?"

Jim had her eyes shut tight against the bright lights and her lips pressed together.

"Computer, lower lights to 50%."

He helped lay her down and set the scan in motion. The readout began looking more worrisome as it continued.

"Ok. I need to check a few things and then I'm gonna send in a nurse to help you change."

He felt at her glands, checked her abdomen and shined a light to check pupil response and sensitivity to light. It was looking worse as the exam wore on.

"Ok. Just a few more tests. I need you to try and bring your chin to your chest."

With a grumble, she started to try and pull her head down but her knees were pulling up and she couldn't go far.

"_Ow._ Dammit. I can't. Finnegan had me in a hold and I think I pulled something."

Positive Brudzinski. He helped her lay flat and pulled her leg up at the hip and couldn't extend her leg from the knee. Positive Kernig. The results on the screen showed a fever of 103F and severe inflammation of her meninges. He looked at her hands, legs and feet. He didn't see anything until he looked at her stomach. A small rash looking like a collection of red pinpricks went up her abdomen and they didn't fade as he pressed on them. A petechial rash showing toxins circulating in the bloodstream. Adding in the nuchal rigidity and sensitivity to light it was clearly meningitis. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a concerned look.

"Jim. You're really sick. I'm going to give you something for your pain and the fever but I still need to run a few more tests. I'm going to get a nurse to help you change."

Panic flew through her eyes and she started to get up.

"I can't be sick. I don't have time for this!"

With one hand on Jim to stop her, he used his other hand to grab the hypospray and click the cartridge in from the tray next to the bed. While she was looking at him and trying to "reason" with him, he carefully applied the shot and depressed the plunger. Her fighting slowed as the drug went into her system and she relaxed onto the bed.

"I'm fine." She mumbled. Her eyes were half-lidded and she slowed her movements.

"You are far from fine." He quickly drew a blood sample and pressed the call button for the nurse.

The door opened to reveal Nurse Mortenson. A burly red haired woman that was perfect for Jim's stubbornness. He'd worked with her yesterday morning at the clinic and had appreciated her no-nonsense attitude.

"Nora, I just brought in my friend who I am pretty sure has some form of meningitis. I'm sending this to the lab but I need to get her records and also will need to perform a lumbar puncture to see which kind. Can you make sure she doesn't move and set her up. She's a type-A personality patient."

Mortenson nodded in understanding and moved over to take McCoy's place in handling Jim.

"Don't worry doctor. I've got her. Type-A patients and I get along just fine. Aren't you supposed to be off until four?" She asked as she placed a hand on the blond's shoulder eliciting a groan from her.

Jim tried to sit up again only to be easily held by one of Nora's hands.

"I just can't get enough of here." He grumbled.

He quickly dropped off the sample at the lab and sent a request for Jim's file to be sent to his PADD that he placed in his pocket. He quickly ran back to the exam room.

He was thankful for Nora. She had Jim changed, an IV placed and everything ready for the procedure as he came in. Jim looked small in the gown and he felt a pang of sympathy for her.

"Thanks Nora." Turning to Jim. "Hey, this is the last test. I need you to lay on your side and pull your knees to your chest. Nurse Mortenson here will help you. I just need to collect a sample of your spinal fluid."

Jim grimaced in irritation.

"This is _not_ what I had in mind when I suggested coffee, Bones. Can't you just run a scan. You're not telling me anything. Isn't this overkill for a cold?"

Nora started to turn Jim even though she was still talking and he closed his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath and set to work collecting the sample. He handed it over to the nurse and laid Jim back on her back.

"Thank you." He said to Nora and turned to Jim.

"Ok. I'm just waiting on the results of your tests and then I'll be able to tell you what's going on. Why don't you tell me what's so important you were willing to forgo medical treatment just to talk to me."

Jim's eyes were squeezed shut and her breathing was a little erratic. He wanted to give her something more for the pain but until he got the results from her tests, he couldn't. She let loose a shaky breath and opened her eyes to look at him. They were full of regret and a hint of fear.

"Can what I have be contagious?" Her voice shook.

"It depends. How close have you been with certain people?" He asked guardedly.

"Very. Um...this really is not how I wanted to talk to you." She looked around the room and slowly focused back on him. She opened her mouth to speak when his PADD beeped with the results. He held up a hand to forestall her and scrolled own the information with a frown. That was weird. Elevated leukocytes showing infection. No surprise but when the analysis of the spinal fluid came back...bacterial vegan choriomeningitis. Normally, people were vaccinated from this in infancy and a booster at thirteen. He'd never seen a case before but thankfully he caught it early and a round of antibiotics tapered to this disease should knock it out but she'd be admitted for the full five day course and it'd be a long week for her.

"Ok, Jim. We've got an answer but I'm not a hundred percent sure I understand it."

His PADD beeped again with Jim's record. He'd look at it in a minute. Jim was struggling to focus through the pain that was rapidly returning. She was gritting her teeth and breathing through flared nostrils.

"The tests and exams say you've got a case of Vegan Choriomeningitis. You'll need to be admitted during the treatment. The risks of transferring this particular type of meningitis is extremely low, especially if they've had their vaccines."

He hooked up an IV bag with the antibiotics and administered another dose of pain medicine through her port. He tapped in orders on the biobed screen for her to be moved to general medicine and sat down to her level. She'd be out in a minute and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Whoa, Whoa...no no no..." She started struggling and trying to get up, her voice was getting thick with sleep. "I have to tell you. Ella...daughter..." The rest of her talking faded into incomprehensible mumbles.

He shook his head and put in a note for neurology to consult on the case and opened Jim's file. It was a sporadic history at best. Born premature at 32 weeks on a shuttlecraft. Exposure to subspace radiation due to the inadequate shielding. Numerous admits during childhood for injuries with broken bones and various contusions. It was suspicious but because of lack of communications between departments no-one put the pieces together. It was infuriating.

"Huh...that's not supposed to be there." He mumbled.

He tried to access her pediatric records from twelve to fifteen and found them either blocked or simply not there. There was nothing. It made a little more sense. Her boosters weren't listed so that's why she got the infection but the why is not addressed. Not even a check-up was listed and then after there was almost no listings until a year ago.

"Doctor? I'm here to move the cadet to the sixth floor."

An orderly came in with a gurney and McCoy put the PADD down and quickly helped to transfer the unconscious woman. Her readings were stable and he tucked the blanket under her before letting her go with a gentle brush of his hand.

He picked up his PADD and walked over to the lounge to get some coffee. After his scare with Jim he needed the caffeine. He was due on shift until midnight and he needed to get himself together. The residents on staff had banded together and bought a real coffee maker with real coffee that was always on, not the replicated sludge that he was usually stuck with. Jim was going to be out for a while and neurology was probably going to put her on anti-epileptics as a precaution so she wouldn't be in a fit state for a talk. He'd visit her later.

He poured himself a cup and savored the smell as he sat down on the overstuffed couch to read the rest of her file. He needed to understand. He saw an obstetrics notation. She was twelve weeks pregnant a year ago. The notations were regular as she made every appointment. A healthy normal pregnancy until delivery. It resulted in an emergency cesarean to preserve both baby and mother's lives. His hands started to shake an he could feel the coffee he had drank wanting to come back up. He did the math in his head. If they had met in early June and the twelve week appointment was in September...his breathing started to come in shorter bursts as he saw the attached subfile for the child.

Her name was Ella Marie Kirk, born March 7th, 6 pounds 4 oz. she has brown hair and blue eyes and was only 16 inches. She was tiny. Her file showed she was a healthy, vibrant six and a half month old. She was listed as living with the mother, no father identified. A newborn image was next to her name and his breath caught as he saw her. Her eyes were closed and she was tightly swaddled but she was perfect. He touched the picture to make it larger and couldn't help staring. She didn't look like his Joanna. Joanna had taken after her mother with narrow, pale features. Blond hair and green eyes. Ella was a twin of him. She had his round face and a small button nose.

He felt a surge of anger at Jim. She had kept this from him. She had to be his. The math added up. This had to have been what she was trying to tell him. He felt guilty for not being there, angry at Jim for not finding him, happy that there was a possibility that he had a daughter, scared that Jim would take her away from him. He didn't know what to think but he did know that she would need to be brought in to be checked.

Her daycare was listed and he walked to the comm station across from the lounge and typed in the number with numb fingers. The wait was short before the screen came to life with a young Bolian woman holding a little blond boy wrestling to get out of her grasp.

"Little Sunshine daycare, how can I help you?"

The child succeeded in getting away and the blue-skinned woman was able to devote her attention to the call. He cleared his throat and pulled at his collar.

"Um...ma'am. I'm Dr. Leonard McCoy from Starfleet Medical and I am informing you that Cadet Kirk has been admitted. Her child needs to be examined here at the hospital."

The woman's eyes widened and she looked off to the side and then looked back.

"Of course. Is there a risk to the other children?" Her voice had taken on a slight hysterical edge to it and he knew he needed to reassure her.

"No. The risk is minimal. Do you have someone who can bring her in or should we send someone?"

She shook her head.

"No. I can bring her in. We'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Is Jim alright? She's one of our favorite moms."

Leonard gave a twitch of his head and managed a grimace. He tried to smile but his thoughts were all over the place and he was nervous. He might be finding out he was a father again. The possibilities were endless. Amazing and terrifying. All the things he didn't get to do with Joanna were possible but at the same time it was more dangerous for her being here. He wondered what Jim was thinking having a baby here. Space was not a place for children.

"I'll see you then. Thank you." He managed.

The screen shut off and he sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. The chrono on the wall of the lounge said he had another hour before his shift. He needed to get tonight off if what he thought was true. He stepped out and made his way to his direct supervisor's office. Dr. Mark Piper. He was a good doctor. From the south like him and didn't tolerate foolishness which is why he didn't really want to ask him for the time. He hadn't really had a chance to prove himself and this didn't look too good.

He made his way to Piper's office and pressed the chime.

"Come."

McCoy walked in slowly and stood at parade rest. Piper was all about respect and he needed to be on his good side to get tonight off and tak care of business.

"Ah, Dr. McCoy. What brings you here?" He looks at his watch. "Little early for shift."

Piper was sat behind his desk with PADDs and documents strewn across. He was older. Probably well into his fifties with a good dose of grey in his dark hair. His face was severe with lines and his brown eyes were sharp as he looked at McCoy.

"You alright, Leonard? You look like somebody just told you vulcans bleed red. Sit down."

McCoy gratefully sat in one of the leather chairs across from the expansive oak desk while Piper surveyed him.

"I just found out that I might have a kid. Her mother is a friend I knew a while ago. I brought her in with vegan choriomeningitis and she's upstairs getting treatment."

He ran his hand through his hair in frustration and breathed a deep sigh.

"She was trying to tell me but wasn't able to. I found out by her records when I was treating her. The timing adds up and the baby needs to be screened for the disease anyway. I was hoping to get tonight off to find out."

Piper nodded sagely and listened.

"She here on campus?" He asked.

"Yes. The care provider is bringing her in. They'll be here in ten minutes and I need to find someone to run the test and look her over."

Piper stood and shrugged on his coat.

"Come on Len. I'll do it. It's been a while since I've done my pediatrics rotation. It'll be nice to have a refresher."

He breathed a sigh of relief at the man's understanding.

The bolian woman came into the ER with a small child in her arms. McCoy's heart lodged in his throat as he saw her. Her brown hair was sticking up everywhere but there had clearly been an attempt to tame it as there was a fabric headband around it. Her chubby hands were stuffed into her smiling mouth and her blue eyes were unnaturally large as she looked around at her surroundings. She was wearing a long pink sweater dress with black leggings that showed her pudgy legs stuffed into boots. She looked just like his baby pictures.

He froze when he saw her. She was beautiful. Piper stepped forward with arms outstretched.

"Hi there, cutie! We're just gonna look you over."

The woman handed Ella over and Piper settled her in his large arms. She babbled and put very wet hands on the commander's uniform causing wet patches but he didn't seem to mind. He only had eyes for her. McCoy turned to the waiting woman who held out a diaper bag.

"Thank you. We'll look after her from here. Jim's had to be admitted so we'll find care for her."

She nodded.

"Ok. How's she doing? Can you let her know we're thinking of her? I'm Daro."

He shook her hand and left to follow Dr. Piper into a private exam room. Piper must have grandchildren because his confidence in holding and maneuvering her on the biobed. He was smooth in his movements, using one hand to distract and the other to scan. He smiled and exaggerated his expressions eliciting Ella to pay attention to him.

"How is she? Does she have it?"

He moved closer to see her and two pudgy arms reached out for him. He picked her up and held her close. She smelled like Jim's soap and her eyes were the same. Ella reached out and grabbed at his nose. She was tactile like Kirk, that's for sure.

"She's in perfect health. It looks like her mom made sure she got all of her vaccines so her risk is next to nothing. All that's left is a simple DNA test."

McCoy nodded and waited while the older doctor collected a sample of cells from the inside of each of their cheeks.

"We should know in about an hour. If she isn't yours then you've got a twin out there." He moved to leave but turned at the door. "She's cute."

"Yes, she is." He whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Ok, I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. For some reason this chapter was hard to write. I'm hoping it's ok. I'm always open to suggestions for improvement and ideas. I adore hearing from you guys so please please review. It helps inspire me and keep me going. Thank you!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Seven

Jim struggled through the haze to wake up. Her whole body felt like it had gone ten rounds with a nausicaan. She groaned and twitched trying to move but her arms were sluggish and lacking in co-ordination.

"Ah, you're awake. I'll just go and fetch the doctor."

She heard movement to her right and tried to turn her head towards the sound but all she managed was a muffled grunt. Her thoughts were slow but she could vaguely remember being brought in to the hospital by...Bones.

"Damn it." She mumbled.

Her eyes felt like they were glued shut and she tried to open them but it was so comfortable just lying there.

All too soon they were wrenched open and a bright light was shining in them. She tried to slap the hands away but her arms wouldn't work right.

"Whozzat?"

The shock helped her to open them on her own and a blurry white room slowly came into focus. She frowned and tried to think straight before a face swam into her field of vision. A young female with curly red hair was looking at her with a pronounced frown. She was wearing the white coat of a doctor over a set of science blues.

"Cadet Kirk? Can you hear me?"

Jim tried to nod but then she remembered she was still lying down so she settled for throwing up a thumbs-up.

"Good. Very good. How's your pain level?"

Jim managed to unglue her mouth.

"Fine."

"Mmhmm." She mumbled and started running a diagnostic scan.

Jim finally managed to get up onto her elbows and the effort was causing her to start breathing heavy. The doctor looked down at her with concern and gently pressed her back into the bed. Jim threw her a filthy look and started to try and rise again.

"Miss Kirk, you need to relax. You've had a rough weekend. Today's the first day that you've been awake more than ten minutes. You can't push yourself."

It took Jim a moment to process what the doctor said.

"What!?"

Her struggles increased as she started to panic.

"Where's my daughter? What are you talking about?"

She pushed past the doctor who was sputtering and trying to stop her and finally got to her feet before she went down in a heap of tangled limbs and blankets.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Jim tried to pull herself up but a pair of stronger hands lifted her back onto the bed.

"Dammit Jim! What are you trying to pull?"

She couldn't help but stare as McCoy fussed around her, checking her IV line, checking the monitor and tucking her blankets back around her so tight it'd be a miracle if she could get out again. The female doctor just stood back with a slightly frightened look on her face. She quickly left as Bones made his presence fully known.

"You could have pulled your PICC line out!" He started to place his hands on her and feel at her neck, arms and abdomen and as he was looking, Jim looked at him closer. His face looked pale, dark circles were around his eyes and his shoulders were hunched. All signs of exhaustion.

"You look like shit, Bones."

He harrumphed and crossed his arms, fixing her with an intense look. Jim didn't remember how she got here or what she said to piss him off but he didn't look too happy and it was centered on her.

"What?" She shifted away and sat up. McCoy's eyes softened as he watched her and he put a supporting hand behind her and raised the head of the bed until Jim could lean back.

"Look, Bones...you've got to get me out of here. I don't know how I got here but I have to go."

She hoped she could convey her need to go. She didn't know where Ella was or even what day it was but being here was not conducive to her goal of...

"Ella is fine. I took her to daycare this morning before my classes started and I was able to rearrange my schedule to pick her up this evening."

Well, that was considerate.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

And unexpected.

His brows came down in a pained frown and his fists clenched. Jim really didn't know what to say. She did know that her headache was coming back from sitting up and she brought a hand to her head in an attempt to ward it off.

"What am I supposed to say? I'm sorry? I'm sorry that I had her? I'm sorry that I didn't tell my vacation fling that I had a kid?"

Jim's head was positively pounding by this point and she was starting to see black on the edges of her vision. She felt her hackles rise in defense of her choices.

"I thought you were married. Well, technically you were, and I didn't want to ruin a marriage. I was scared that Ella would be rejected by her father and I don't want her to suffer through something like that. I...I..."

She swallowed and had to close her eyes but they quickly snapped open as she heard a hiss next to her. Bones was putting something in her IV line. Her vision started to clear and she could feel her headache starting to diminish but she started to feel stupid and a little tired.

"Stop doing that!" She hissed and he shook his head.

"Jim, you're still in recovery. You had three severe grand mals over the weekend, your fever peaked at 105 and you almost went into a coma from this damn infection. I don't know what I was thinking coming here upsetting you."

He sat down heavily next to her and took her hand in his.

"We will talk about this." He patted her arm. "Just not right now. When you're a little more stable."

The intercom started beeping and McCoy slapped a hand on the button.

"There's a call coming through for Miss Kirk. Shall I patch it through?"

McCoy looked down at her and then back at the overhead monitors.

"Can they call back? I just gave her an analgesic."

There was a pause before the voice came back on the line.

"I'm afraid she's very insistent."

Jim laughed a small laugh and put her hand to her head as it throbbed with the movement. Trust Cathy to scare them. Jim turned to the intercom.

"Put her through otherwise she'll jump through the screen."

Jim attempted to flatten her hair from it's mess if not being brushed in god knew how long and threw McCoy a look to let him know it was private. He just glared back.

"Five minutes, Jim and then you need to rest."

No sooner had he left the room then her screen across the room activated showing a very disheveled looking older woman. Her vivid green eyes taking in the sight of her in a hospital bed. Jim hated worrying Cathy and from the looks of her, she done a great deal of worrying.

"Jamie! My god! What happened? I've been trying to comm you all weekend and I had to wait until Monday to find out that you were in a hospital."

The last words were shrill and Jim cringed at the tone.

"I'm fine, Cathy. Just got a bit of a..."

"Bullshit! I know what you have, girl! Those doctors at Riverside are lucky I can't move like I used to. They should have noticed you weren't up to date with your vaccines. You could have died! And then where would Ella be?"

Cathy took a deep breath, her cheeks flushed from her tirade. She pushed a hand through her grey hair and looked closely at Jim. She could feel the concern radiating all the way from Iowa and knew she needed to placate the woman.

"She'd be fine. She's got a firecracker of a guardian in you and nothing happened. I'm fine. See?"

Jim raised her arms up to show that she was alive and kicking and smiled at the screen. Cathy's lips quirked in amusement and she shook her head in disbelief.

"It takes more than this to kill me off. Besides..." She wiggled her eyebrows at the screen. "I've got some hot doctors to play with."

The older woman scoffed and smiled.

"Only you, Jamie." Her demeanor turned serious.

"Speaking of doctors...have you talked to him?"

She didn't have to ask who the him was. The truth was she didn't know how McCoy had found out. Her memory was mostly a blank but somehow he knew about Ella.

"Not exactly." She said slowly.

She remembered going to meet him at the cafe but after that it's mostly a blur until she woke up earlier. She rubbed at her face to try and scrub away the tiredness she was starting to feel. That shot McCoy had given her must be really kicking in.

"He knows but I didn't tell him. We haven't had a chance to talk."

She stifled a yawn behind her hand but she wasn't fooling anyone.

"Ok, Jamie. I know you need to rest. I'll comm you tomorrow. If you need me there, just say the word."

She nodded, still yawning as the screen blanked out. Not five minutes later, she fell asleep.

McCoy waited until the indicator light went off and then went to check on Jim. As he had expected, she was out cold. He walked over to check her vitals and was happy to see that everything was looking good. If she kept up like this then she could be discharged in two days but she'd still need a good two weeks to fully recover. She'd fallen asleep sitting up and he knew she'd have a worse neck ache if she wasn't put flat so he slowly lowered the bed.

He watched her for a moment. Her blond, wavy hair was fanned around her head like a halo and it made her look all the more innocent in sleep. His co-workers had banded together for him after he had found out that he was Ella's father and over the course of the weekend had pretty much supplied him with everything he'd ever need. He suspected that Piper had something to do with it. He was extremely thankful as he hadn't been able to access Jim's quarters to get anything.

In between getting to know his daughter, he had been worried sick about Jim. The times he checked on her had made him panic. She'd gotten worse quickly before slowly improving. He knew they'd have to talk soon and he wasn't sure what he was going to say. Jim had managed to turn everything on it's head. He'd used the idea of Starfleet to get away from everything and everyone from his past and now it was finding him here. He'd known that somehow he and Jim were going to be linked fifteen months ago when she'd attached herself to him like a damn limpet in Seattle but this was unexpected.

The sight and thought of another child was painful for him but at the same time it was amazing. He'd spent the entire first night just watching her sleep, not being able to sleep himself. The discovery of her had thrown him for a loop and then the worry that she could lose her mother had kept him up.

He couldn't help the frustration of being limited in her care. His authority was limited once she had been admitted to the sixth floor. He had access to her treatment plan and file but he was assigned to the emergency room as a trauma surgeon and doctor. The worry over her had increased when he'd seen the intern doctor bumbling and Jim on the floor attempting escape. The intern would never survive if she didn't figure out how to handle her patients. Add to that, the fact that they had been late with medications...

He sighed and put a hand on Jim's shoulder. He'd come back tomorrow and see how she was doing. Right now he needed to teach that intern about how to deal with stubborn patients.

He came back the next afternoon to see Jim sitting up in bed typing on a PADD and looking much better. Some color had returned to her cheeks and she looked like she'd been able to have a sonic shower and change into personal clothes. They were pajamas but it was still a sign that she was on the mend.

As he walked in he wasn't too surprised at the scowl he received from her.

"Was it you who told the doctor to go through my bags that Gaila brought and take out my civvies?" She pointed to an open duffel in the corner. "And my shoes?"

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Would you have stayed in bed if you had gotten them?"

Jim shrugged and smirked.

"Maybe but whatever happened to trust?"

He was at least glad Schoenfield listened to him.

"Whatever happened to common sense, Jim? You'll probably be discharged tomorrow."

He sat in the visitor's chair next to the bed and snuck a look at the PADD Jim was typing on, his curiosity getting the better of him. He frowned at he saw that she was looking at her own medical record.

"How did you get access to that? You're not supposed to be in there."

He snatched the PADD out of Jim's hands and immediately logged her out so that she couldn't access it again.

"I'd wondered how you found out about Ella. That's not how I wanted you to know."

Her tone was cool and neutral but there was a warning there.

"I had to access it as your treating physician."

Her eyes were watching him with an unnerving calm that sent shudders down his spine. What else was she hiding?

"There's some missing information in there." He ventured.

Jim shrugged and looked away. A clear sign that it was something that played a major role.

"Maybe someone messed up in their filing. It's not important otherwise it would be there."

He knew she was lying. He remembered the marks on her body and the age of them matched up with the timeline of missing data.

"Ok, I'll drop it for now but that's only because we have bigger issues to deal with right now."

Jim turned back to him, her frame tensing as she waited.

"Yeah." She tilted her head appraisingly and he couldn't help blushing under her gaze. The intense blue surveying him and hell, even from a hospital bed and in pajamas, Jim was able to take control away from him. She switched the power dynamic from that look alone.

"I never meant for you to find out about her. We were doing just fine on our own and from the things you said, I didn't think she'd be welcome. I won't keep her from you but I also won't force her on you."

She pointed at him with a shaking hand.

"But I won't have you acting resentful or treating her as an inconvenience. She deserves the best and if you don't want her then that's your loss."

Jim's face was starting pale and her body was trembling. He put up his hands in surrender. He didn't want to upset her and overload her too much.

"That's more than I expected. I want to be a part of her life and yours, if you'll let me." He patted her arm gently and noted the fine tremors vibrating from her and looked up at her biobed monitor but Jim gripped his arm in a surprisingly strong grip.

"Stop being a doctor for a minute. I know it goes against your nature but please?"

He grumbled and shifted his gaze back to her face.

"I'm sorry."

She smiled and shifted her weight.

"So, I noticed you looked better today. How are you adjusting to Ella? You said you didn't have kids so it must be weird."

McCoy flinched and pursed his lips. He had to remember that Jim didn't know.

"In more ways than one." He muttered.

She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to question him but was interrupted by the nurse coming into her room with several hypos. Jim leaned close to him and whispered.

"Nurse Ratched is here. Why is it that I keep getting the scary nurses?"

McCoy looked closer and saw the blond woman efficiently tapping on the screen to note the time of the orders and when she was administering the meds. She seemed nice.

"I heard that Cadet. With you here it is like a nuthouse."

She injected the medication into the line and moved to check Jim's vitals and even though she was giving her patient a stern look but kind, there was no malice. Jim even became pliant under her ministrations. He turned to her and held out a hand.

"Leonard McCoy. I work down in the ER."

She took it and gave a curt nod.

"Christine Chapel."

She smiled and quickly left. McCoy turned to Jim who was pinking up and tapping on her PADD.

"Nurse Ratched?"

She handed it over with a flourish.

"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? It's a classic. Nurse Chapel's not really a tyrant. She's cool but a bit too much like you. Do you know she confiscated my Lo Mein that I had delivered last night? She said it was not conducive to my healing and gave me some sort of nutritional broth and jello." She scrunched her face at the memory.

McCoy huffed a laugh and noticed the PADD had her schedule listed and available evening and weekends.

"I've listed everything that you should need to be able figure out what days and nights would work best for you."

Her demeanor brightened.

"And I think that we'll be able to be friends."

McCoy's heart fell a bit. He didn't know what he had wanted with Jim, considering the dynamic shift in both of their lives but to have it flatly stated kind of hurt.

"Sure, kid."


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I'm sorry this chapter's so short. I hope it's good. The next chapter will have a little of Cathy's meddling and Jim will be back in classes. If anyone has anything they want to see happen or ideas or even how to make it better then please speak up and let me know. I always try to accommodate requests because sometimes a fresh perspective makes it better. Also, I'd love it if someone would beta for me. Btw- reviews make me do a happy dance!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Eight

Jim pulled on her hoodie and took one last look at the hospital room. She was out of breath and tired from getting dressed but the exhilaration of finally going home and seeing Ella for more than ten minutes was bubbling up inside her. She was even glad to be going back to classes tomorrow. She'd been able to keep up relatively well with the written and reading assignments but it just wasn't the same. She smirked to herself at the memory of Uhura visiting. The woman had looked happy to see that Jim was ok but had glared when Jim had commented that the woman must have missed her if she was visiting. Baiting Uhura was just too much fun.

She bent to retrieve her bag when a sharp "Cadet!" rang through the air stopping her short. She spun quickly and stumbled. She had to throw out a hand to catch herself but a set of gentler hands helped steady her and her blue eyes met a set of grey ones. She stiffened and started to stand at attention.

"At ease, Cadet Kirk! I was told you were being released today and wanted to help you get safely home."

Captain Pike released the startled blond and bent to carry her bag. Her jaw seemed to hit the floor at the sight but she quickly regained her composure and made to follow him but at a slow pace. She came up by the nurses station and saw Chapel reading something on a computer screen. Pike saw Jim hesitate and waited a respectable distance.

"Nurse Chapel?"

The blond nurse looked up from her work and once she saw Jim her lips turned into a genuine smile.

"Cadet."

Jim shifted and made sure no-one was looking too closely. She leaned towards the desk.

"I just wanted to say thank you." She blushed and fumbled the rest of her words. "You know? For uh...putting up with me and everything."

Chapel's eyes widened and her smile grew wider. She got up from her desk and walked over to Jim, pulling her into a tight hug.

"You weren't that bad of a patient." She pulled back. "Mischievous. But not bad."

Jim grinned wide, her eyes flashing with playfulness.

"I knew you liked me. You still owe me dinner for taking my Lo Mein."

Chapel rolled her eyes and reached onto her desk to grab two pill bottles.

"I can't do dinner but how about some medicine." She pressed the bottles into her hand and Jim groaned.

"I thought I was done with this?"

Chapel shook her head sadly, all humor gone.

"I know. These are the last of your antibiotics and some pain meds. You'll still have headaches for a little while, yet. You have someone to help you in your dorm, right? You are still recovering."

Jim shrugged off her concern and took the antibiotics but left the pain meds. She was tired of being tired.

"Yeah. I'll see you around."

She turned and left, feeling Chapel's gaze on her back but she caught up to Pike and soon they left the medical building and boarded a shuttle back across the bay to the campus. Once they left the shuttle landing pad, Pike took Jim's bag again and she refrained from rolling her eyes with difficulty. These were the times when she wondered why God in his infinite wisdom had deigned it necessary for her to be born with breasts instead of balls. She was not really into the whole damsel in distress/delicate flower bs.

Apparently, Pike was a damned mind reader.

"Relax, Kirk. How many times are you going to have a Starfleet captain and superior officer carry your bags for you."

"Apparently, at least once. I _can_ carry that, sir."

He chuckled and threw the bag over his shoulder, gesturing with his hand for Kirk to get moving. They made their way across campus and up into Phlox Hall.

They finally got to her quarters and Pike walked in and put her bag near the door. Jim knew there was a reason Pike was playing at being her chauffeur from medical when he sat on the couch in the living area.

"I saw that there was a change in Ella's parental status." He stated simply.

She nodded and sat down across from him in one of the chairs while he continued.

"McCoy's in the medical track so I don't really have much to do with them. So, I'm asking you. How is he handling it?"

Jim truthfully wasn't sure. He'd watched Ella while Jim was in the hospital and had said things were fine but that had been the extent of it. There hadn't been much of a chance to talk or reacquaint themselves. He'd seemed almost sad and withdrawn since her offer of friendship which, in and of itself, was a little worrying.

"I think he's doing okay. We haven't seen much of each other so I'm not too sure."

Pike leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees. His eyes watching Jim with scrutiny.

"And you? Is it going to be a problem?" He asked.

Jim leaned back and frowned incredulously. Of all the things to ask. If having Ella alone and trying to go through Starfleet as a single mother was possible, then this was a cake-walk compared to it.

"My personal life will not be a factor in my time here, sir. I can handle it." She said stiffly.

Pike waved her down and shook his head.

"That's not what I asked." He admonished gently and Jim flushed slightly at the correction. She thought about how to answer and decided the truth was always the best way.

"I'm fine. It's a big adjustment having to share my child with someone. I'm learning to accept it but it doesn't make it any easier. He's been good about the whole thing which I find unusual."

She bit her lip in thought and paused. That was weird. The past week McCoy had been the one to take the initiative in his dealings with Jim. When she had been with him in the past, it had always been her to take charge. Maybe he'd changed in the past almost sixteen months.

"Well, I'm sure you two will work out your problems." He leaned back and took a deep breath. "I also saw that you're on limited duty for the next two weeks which means no practicals, no hand-to-hand, no training sims, that sort of thing. Your instructors will be assigning make-up theory in place of those tasks."

Jim agreed and saw the clock. It was about the time she'd usually be picking Ella up so she stood quickly and Pike took his cue to leave but added one last thing.

"I'll let you get to it but just so you know, my door is always open."

Jim left and walked to the eastern side of the campus to the childcare facility to pick up Ella. Once she had got there, she had had to leave empty handed. The blue bolian woman, Daro, had looked worried at Jim's surprised reaction.

"He said he wanted to surprise you, Miss Jim. He went to collect you from Starfleet Medical."

"It's Jim and I didn't know. Thanks, Daro. I'll see you tomorrow."

The childcare provider smiled and Jim left to head home. She pulled out her comm and sent a message to Bones asking where he was. She was a little worried but she was sure Ella was in good hands.

She decided to take the long way home along the running trails surrounding the campus. It felt good to stretch her legs, the cool autumn air was refreshing on her face as she took a second circuit around the campus. It gave her time to think. She had wanted to see Ella. Being away from her daughter for so long was like being without air. She had only had fleeting visits when Bones had time in between his own shifts and classes and when she really thought about it, it was like she had hardly seen her these past three weeks.

She started to feel a headache forming and decided to start heading back when her comm buzzed with a message.

McCoy to Kirk: Where are you? We're here at your door and you're not answering. You're supposed to be at home resting.

Jim shook her head and quickly typed a reply.

Kirk to McCoy: I'm on my way home from Ella's daycare. Be there in five.

By the time she pulled open the door to Phlox Hall, her hair was sticking to her in curling tendrils and her headache was a dull pounding but she felt better than she had in a while. Her muscles burned from the light exercise but it was a good burn.

The lift opened to her floor to a very irate looking doctor holding a wiggling Ella. His brown eyes took in her state and narrowed. His dark gaze swept up and down her body and Jim shuddered under the intense scrutiny.

"Hey, Bones."

She smiled and went directly for Ella but McCoy turned his body away so she couldn't get to her. She rolled her eyes and keyed open the door to let everyone in.

He looked around the apartment and spying the playpen put Ella in, to her displeasure and immediately dragged Jim to the couch.

"Jesus, Bones! I know it's been a while for you but in front of a child?"

He growled in response and shoved her down.

"Dammit, Jim! You just got out of the hospital! Do you want to end up back there?"

He reached into his messenger bag still attached to him and pulled out a medical tricorder, waving it over her and ignoring her protests.

"You have a headache?"

It wasn't a question.

She opened her mouth to deny but a scathing look sent her quiet. She watched as he fiddled with a hypospray and cartridge and quickly jabbed it in her neck.

"_Now_ I have a headache!" She rubbed at the spot on her neck but she grudgingly admitted she could feel the pounding slowly subside. He walked over to her replicator and returned with a glass of water.

"Thanks." She mumbled above the rim of the glass. She looked over her shoulder to Ella who was flinging her stuffed puppy against the mesh of the playpen.

"She's an amazing kid." McCoy said quietly.

She turned back to McCoy who wasn't watching Ella. He was watching her with a longing look. She held his gaze, the outside world seeming to melt away as he looked at her, seeming to drink her in. He moved closer and reached out a hand to lay it on her knee.

"Ma-Ma! Mamamama!"

Jim jerked at the sound and jumped up. She ran over to the playpen to see Ella smiling and clapping at the attention. Her blue eyes shining with glee.

"Mamamama!" She cried at the top of her voice and Jim's heart stuttered at the sound.

"Oh my god! She said mama!" She shouted to McCoy.

She grabbed Ella out of the playpen and hugged her tight to her chest.

"Say mama!"

"Mama mama!" Ella squealed.

McCoy came over smiling at the pair with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall. Jim was so excited. Now _that_ was a way to be welcomed home.

She felt a warm hand on her upper back and she grinned full force at McCoy who was regarding them warmly. He put out his arms to receive the child.

"Why don't you get a shower and I'll feed the baby."

She wasn't used to having someone help her so much and so she reluctantly did as requested. The shower did help her feel even better. The sonics at the hospital just didn't have the same feel of hot water beating down on her back and she stepped out to smell something wonderful.

She was toweling her hair and saw McCoy laying the baby down, singing softly to her and covering her up. His face was content and peaceful and she just stood in awe at the picture of the normally cranky doctor softly singing to a baby. She watched as he gently tucked the blankets around her and he stood up catching her staring.

"Uh...thanks." She whispered and tossed the towel into the bathroom.

She walked into the dining room and saw that there were boxes on the table. She pulled her bathrobe tighter around her and started to move the boxes. Bones came up next to her and started opening them.

"I figured you haven't had dinner, yet." He told her as he handed her one of the small boxes.

"Calzones! Thanks, Bones."

They ate mostly in silence and Jim sat back in peaceful contemplation of her day.

"So, Jim...why do you have a boy's name?"

She frowned as she thought about her past. Many had asked her and she had just ignored the question before, deflected the prying into the painful reasoning of why she was named after her two grandfathers but this was her Bones. He'd shown an interest in her before he'd even known her real name and wasn't shying away now that things were getting complicated.

"You know who my parents were?" She asked.

He nodded and leaned forward on the table, resting his head on his hands.

"Well, when I was born on the shuttle I was wrapped in a blue blanket. My mom must have assumed I was a boy. My parents had wanted a surprise and didn't find out the gender until I was born."

She fiddled with the box on the table and continued speaking.

"My mom said to my dad that I was a boy and they had only seconds to name me. She asked if I should be called Tiberius after his dad and he said to name me Jim after hers. She agreed and he died shortly thereafter when the Kelvin was used to save them."

She started tearing at the box for something to do with her hands.

"And...and then she found out that George had had a daughter not a son. She felt guilty that he had died thinking he had a second son so she deemed it appropriate to at least keep the name he had chosen for me. She loved him and that had been his last request before giving his life for his family and the crew of the ship."

She sighed and pushed the box away. She was starting to feel tired and ready for bed.

"It's a good name." He said firmly.

She grimaced and nodded.

"Yeah."

He was watching her again and Jim marveled at the depth of his gaze. His brown eyes just seemed to suck her in. They had been one of the first things she had noticed about him. He was so expressive and it was so much fun seeing those emotions play out on his face and in his eyes.

"You have a brother?" He asked.

She shook her head, a hollow feeling erupting inside her at the memory.

"No. He died a long time ago."

McCoy put a hand on her arm and it felt good, grounding. Reassuring her that he was there.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring up something painful."

She shrugged, pushing her past behind her and focusing on the man in front of her, calmly reaching out to comfort her. She placed a hand over his and squeezed.

"It was a long time ago." She reaffirmed. She decided to change the topic.

"So, what about you?"

He pulled his hand out from under hers and his face became neutral, eyes shuttering as he pulled away from her in more ways than just physical.

"I had a daughter, once."

Jim's eyes snapped up to meet his.

"She died in a car accident. Drunk driver."

It was like the air had been sucked from the room. She didn't know what to say. If she had lost Ella...well, she didn't know if she'd have the strength to keep going.

"I was working late at the ER in Atlanta when it happened. Jocelyn, my ex-wife was having an affair and was going to meet her boyfriend when she got hit. She survived and Joanna didn't."

McCoy clenched his hands into fists on the table, the knuckles white from the strain. His voice grew quieter as he kept speaking.

"She was only a year old." A painful pause. "I filed for divorce the next day. It'll be two years ago next month."

His body was tense with holding back the pain and Jim couldn't stand seeing it. She stood and walked around the table, kneeling to his level and pulled his hands to her and held tightly.

"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered and he turned to her. His face twisted in grief and pain and she pulled him to her chest, letting him rest his head against her and her hands carded gently through his hair as she held him. His body was still strung like a tight wire and she pressed a kiss to the top of his head and whispered reassuring nothings to him and continued to hold him until she finally felt the first stirring of him shaking as he started to cry into her chest.

She held him for a long time and she wondered if anyone had held him like this, comforted him through the pain and let him know that it was alright to feel these things. She doubted it. His body started to become pliant under her ministrations and the shudders finally ceased. When he looked up at her she said nothing, no judgement at his display and certainly not pity. She just accepted it and tried to understand.

She stayed close and kept her hands on him and he covered them with his, moving closer to her. He was so close she could see the gold flecks in his eyes and feel their breath mingling as he moved closer. He touched her cheek and leaned forward and suddenly she was aware of what she was doing and pulled away quickly.

"Um..." She cleared her throat awkwardly and straightened her damp robe, standing and trying to not see his hurt expression.

"It's really late. I...uh...should get to bed." She said quickly.

He stood and nodded.

"Yeah. Me too." He said gruffly.

Jim walked him to the door and handed him his messenger bag and he reached in and handed her a bottle of pills.

"You forgot these at the hospital. Take one before bed. That shot's due to wear off."

Jim took the bottle without argument.

"And thanks, for everything, Jim."

"Anytime, Bones."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Jim was finally able to get back into her routine, mostly. She still couldn't do her hand to hand but she could do stretches and watch the techniques. She changed into her sweats and was lowering herself into a careful stretch to loosen her hamstrings when she felt a sharp swat to her backside. She jerked up and saw Sean Finnegan smiling at her like a shark.

"I could help you with those stretches." He said as he moved closer.

He pressed himself to her and she let herself turn to stone, her eyebrows coming together as he started to run his hands on her waist and move them lower.

"I think I can manage." She snarled.

She could feel his breath on her neck as they went lower.

"I could..." He breathed deeper. " ...always give you private lessons." His hands slowly sank near her pelvis and that was her limit.

She stepped forward with one foot and brought her elbow back into his ribs causing him to lose his grip on her. She twisted and grabbed his arm, throwing him over her shoulder and onto the mat. She stood over a very red faced Finnegan and smirked.

"I think you're the one that needs lessons, Finnegan."

"Kirk!" A loud voice rang out across the gym and she cringed.

She turned around to see Lt. Carrigan, their instructor, walking towards her. Her white-blond hair in a tight bun and a frown set on her face. Jim snapped to attention.

"Sir." She said quickly.

The imposing woman came up to Jim and looked down at Finnegan and then to Jim before letting a small smile quirk her lips.

"Impressive throw but you're not supposed to be here. Go home."

Kirk smiled and jerked her head forward.

"Yessir."

Finnegan groaned and started to get up, holding his ribs, his face beet red from a mixture of pain and embarrassment.

"Do you need to go to medical, cadet?" Carrigan snapped.

"No, sir." He mumbled.

"Then get over it."

Jim had to stifle her laughs as she left class and headed home. She decided to catch up on her report on first contact and collect Ella later when she saw crates and boxes in front of her door. Her stuff had finally arrived.

She spent the next three hours hauling in all the boxes and finally put Ella's crib together. Once four o'clock hit she made her way to pick up Ella and saw Bones already there, holding the baby and walking towards her.

McCoy saw Jim heading to the daycare and he quickened his pace to meet her. She had dust in her hair and was wearing her uniform sweats. Once he got to her, he arched an eyebrow questioning what she was up to.

"Relax, Bones. I was dismissed from my hand-to-hand. My stuff came today and I needed to bring it inside. Ella can't sleep in a playpen forever."

He waited while Jim greeted the baby but refused to have her carry Ella. She had to settle for carrying the diaper bag.

"Jim, I can...help if you want. I have the next three nights off. I only do clinic weekends every other week. You're not supposed to be doing that sort of thing anyway."

He hated moving stuff. In a way, it was best that Jocelyn had left him with nothing. He didn't have the painful reminders of the past to carry as physical baggage. All he had left was the emotional and a few photographs.

"If you want. I got the crib put together but I haven't sorted the couple of boxes."

Jim had considerably more than a couple of boxes. One large container contained Jim's clothing and after unearthing a black lacy bra, a very red-faced Jim took over the handling of that particular container while McCoy focused on one that seemed to hold an impressive array of classic novels. Everything from H.G. Wells' "The War of the Worlds" to "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer".

He put the last book onto the bookshelf and noticed another smaller package at the bottom of the box. It was wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. Pulling it out, he frowned at the small cursive writing. His name was on it.

"Jim? What's this?"

Kirk came over and looked at the package with a curious expression on her face before it morphed into sudden understanding.

"Oh. I had forgotten about that. It's uh...well...it's a baby book and photo album. Cathy made me put one together. A duplicate. In case we ever met again so that you would have the same thing as me. If you wanted it."

She bit her lip, eyes trained on him as he slowly opened the package with shaking hands. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. They were only pictures but a part of him was. To be able to see all that he'd missed was thrilling.

The paper fell away and he saw a purple book with a picture of Ella attached to the front, her face all squished in newborn sleep. It was the same image he'd seen when he first delved into Jim's medical file. He went to open the book when a smaller black album slipped out.

"Huh? That's new. We only did the baby book." Jim reached down to collect the album but he was faster.

He opened the album and the first image he saw was a picture of them together. Jim's blue eyes, bright with laughter and his own smiling face as they leaned together. He remembered that day. Jim had dragged him to an old-fashioned arcade and once she had seen a photo booth, her eyes had lit up with excitement. She had forced him into the booth and had the picture taken.

He turned the page and saw a picture of Jim standing with a sign saying 3 months, her shirt rucked up to expose her mostly flat belly. The next picture was identical, save the sign stating four months and a small pooch on her abdomen. Then, one saying five months and that was when he gasped. Her belly was noticeable in size, as if she had exploded overnight. Her hair was loose on her shoulders and her hand was touching the swell holding their child like a caress.

He continued through the album until he came to the nine month photo of Jim. Her back was slightly bowed and he could see tired lines surrounding her eyes but there was a sense of excitement that seemed to be emanating from her. Even just looking at the picture, Leonard could feel what she was feeling. One journey ending and another soon to begin.

He turned the next page to see Jim passed out on the couch, her shirt riding up on her large abdomen, mouth slack in sleep and long legs hanging off the end. The next showed her in a hospital bed with a tiny bundle in her arms. Another showed her sleeping with Ella on her chest, possibly a month old. He could almost smell the new baby scent as he drank in the sight of them. Ella snuggled to Jim's chest clothed only in a diaper, her fuzzy head in the hollow of Jim's neck as her hands surrounded the infant in a loving embrace that even sleep couldn't slacken. A small smile playing on her lips. A likely rare moment of peace when you have a newborn.

Jim cleared her throat, reminding McCoy that he was not alone. He jumped at the intrusion. Jim was looking at the floor, her posture was awkward, hip jutting out and one arm folded across her abdomen holding her elbow.

"I'm sorry. I uh...didn't know she'd done that. You don't have to keep it. I'm not that photogenic and...if it makes you uncomfortable and..."

He stood quickly, still holding tight to the album in one hand, he placed his other on her shoulder, prompting her to look at him instead of the floor.

"I'm glad she did it. I only wish I could have been there for both of you. I have the next best thing."

He held up the album for emphasis.

"That Cathy was a smart woman. I'd assume it was her who was the photographer?" He added.

Jim grimaced and nodded.

"Yeah. I'm not really into pictures. I don't have many of my youth. Cathy wanted to document everything including when I turned into a beached whale."

She pointed to the nine month picture and he had to fight the urge to scowl and instead rolled his eyes at Jim's self-deprecating statement.

"You were pregnant, not fat! My god woman! You looked...perfect." He finished to himself.

Jim's face turned to his and her expression was calculating, as if to figure out a new and interesting puzzle that was so foreign it took all of her focus. To cover up the awkward silence, he snapped the album shut and placed both items in his ever present messenger bag.

"So...want to stay for dinner? A couple of my classmates are coming over to help me work on my report for history."

She trailed off waving a hand and he could see that it was more an effort to be polite than an actual invitation. Perhaps she felt too exposed after his statement or the pictures. Cathy had provided a window into Jim's past that McCoy could look into and maybe it was a lot for her to handle. He had to remember to keep it slow. Not push his way into her life like a bulldozer but gently weave himself in.

She was willing to let him in. Her reaction to his telling of his past had been acceptance and empathy but she wasn't ready to share hers just yet. Her reaction to the pictures provided to him proved that. She wasn't ready for her past and present to come together just yet and though he didn't fully understand or want to accept it, he had to. He couldn't risk losing Jim and Ella because of what he wanted. He'd let her have her privacy for now. Her space to think.

"Nah, I've got a xenobio textbook with my name on it. I can pick Ella up tomorrow at one if you want?" He hedged.

She shrugged. "If you want. I figured you'd be sick of us by now. Us Kirk women putting you to work and all."

"It's not so bad. I can meet you here at five."

She gave a small smile and he kissed Ella goodbye as he left.

Jim watched him leave and was surprised at his sudden departure but she didn't have much time to contemplate the meaning behind it before her door chimed to admit Uhura, Gaila and the caitian that Jim was partnered with, M'Ress.

After they had eaten, the four women were sat or sprawled on the floor going over their notes while Ella played with M'Ress' tail. Jim frowned over some of the more obscure research she had compiled on Zephram Cochrane.

"It says here that Cochrane made reference to cybernetic beings trying to stop his warp test from happening but in the official history it doesn't mention it at all. What do you think?"

She tapped her chin with the stylus and was focusing on her PADD but the silence from her classmates was distracting. She found three sets of eyes looking at her. Gaila was the first to speak.

"Who was that gorgeous man leaving your dorm?"

She was practically purring her question and Jim shook her head in disbelief at the insinuation.

"Him? That was just Bones...uh Leonard McCoy. He's a friend."

Jim decided to not include the unusual statement from Cochrane. It made him sound unstable.

"Just a friend? I've seen him around you a lot, Kirk." Uhura added.

Jim sighed and closed the report.

"Yes. He's just a friend. We were together once, for like a week but not anymore. He's the one I told you about. He's Ella's father. He's getting to know his kid. That's it." She slashed an arm through the air to emphasize her point.

"So he's single?" Gaila leaned forward in excitement and something inside Jim twisted slightly at the plain statement.

"Yes."

"So, you're not going out with him?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

Jim tossed her PADD down and let out a long breath. Did she want to? McCoy seemed like the type to really settle down. White picket fence, house with a yard, the whole package and that wasn't really her. The idea of spending her life with someone like that was an unsettling prospect. She'd always dreamed of the stars and going out and exploring the universe, having the adventures her older brother Sam would describe when talking about their father but then Ella had come into her life. Her dreams had come to a screeching halt in the face of parenthood and responsibilities.

Then Pike had offered her a chance she had never considered and those dreams had come back to life. The opportunity to become herself once more was there. The possibility to be more than what she was and to be able to be outgoing and confident again, secure in her abilities and not just be George Kirk's daughter was an amazing thing. She wasn't sure if she could give that up.

"No."

M'Ress and Uhura eyed her skeptically but didn't say anything. Gaila leaned back, stretching long emerald arms behind her.

The next six weeks passed in a blur for Jim and before she knew it, it was October. She looked at the calendar and her face split into a grin at the date.

She was walking across Chrissy field with Ella in her stroller, Jim had her hair up in pigtails, plaid shirt tied in a knot at her midriff and a pair of tight jeans sitting low on her hips when a shout of cadet caused her to stop and turn. Captain Pike was striding across the walking trail towards her, a frown tugging at his features but she could see a smile hinting beneath his serious demeanor. Next to the immaculately groomed captain, Jim had to admit she felt a little ridiculous.

"Sir?" She asked, standing at parade rest.

Pike eyed her appearance and started laughing.

"What are you wearing?" He managed between laughs.

Kirk took a piece of orchard grass stem and put it in her mouth to complete the picture. She had even drawn a few freckles on her cheeks.

"I'm a true Iowan farmer."

He shook his head ruefully and bent down to view Ella. Jim had decided to do the whole domesticated, first Halloween theme and currently Ella was clothed in a small spotted cow costume.

"So this is Ella." He said to Jim while smiling at the tiny cow who was currently waving her hands and alternately trying to chew through the fabric hooves covering them.

"Well...aren't you just adorable?" He fussed over the baby for a little while longer before standing up straight.

"Isn't she a little young for candy?" Jim shrugged, a crooked grin as she pulled out the full bag from underneath the stroller.

"She gets the attention and I get the candy. It's a win-win, sir." She leaned closer and stage whispered. "By the way-the officer's barracks is where I hit the jackpot."

He chuckled and waved her off. Jim had one final stop before she could go out to the costume party the first and second year cadets were throwing.

The Starfleet Medical building was imposing in it's size and purpose but she wanted Bones to at least have some of the fun of Ella's first Halloween even though it was his weekend to be on shift. She walked up to the welcome desk and recognized Nora, the red-haired nurse from her stay in September. The woman's eyes widened slightly as she took in the newcomers.

"Hi, Nora! I'm here to see a man about a cow. Is Dr. McCoy busy?" She asked.

"No, Jim. I paged him when I saw you."

Jim pulled Ella out of the stroller and held her with a hip jutting out to support her when McCoy came out of the double doors from the main hospital. His expression was one of intense worry and his gaze landed on Jim and Ella where he immediately did a very comical double-take.

"Damn it, Jim! When I got the message that you were here, I thought something was wrong."

He ran a hand over Ella's head and his body slowly relaxed. He stepped back and his eyebrows drew together as he viewed them with puzzlement.

"What are you two wearing, anyways?"

Jim twirled on the spot and ran a hand showcasing her costume.

"Can't you tell?"

He harrumphed and crossed his arms. "And why, pray tell, are you dressed like a, and I used this term loosely Jim, a farmer?"

Jim deflated a bit under his remark.

"Don't you know what day it is? Halloween? I'm taking Ella trick-or-treating. I just thought you'd want to do the hospital round."

His face fell at the realization of what Jim was trying to do.

"Aw hell." He ran a hand through his hair, letting it rest on the back of his neck.

"Sure." He placed an arm around Jim and pulled her to him in a loose hug.

"Thank you, Jim. She does look cute." He let out a deep sigh and took Ella from her, leading her to the elevators to start at the top floor and work their way down.

"I'm sorry. It's just been a long shift." Ella started trying to pull at his nose but was getting frustrated by the cloth covering her hands.

"Dada...dada!" He laughed and used his spare hand to free her trapped digits which promptly began to pull on his nose and hair as she started trying to climb up him in her excitement. She started squealing as his hands fumbled with her slippery costume.

"It's ok, Bones." She eyed the struggling doctor and raised an eyebrow.

"Need any help?"

"No." He sputtered.

He managed to twist out of Ella's death grip in his hair and they managed to make quick work of each floor's nurse station. Nurse Chapel had even taken a picture of them together and forwarded digital copies to them both.

"So, I get off at midnight. Will you still be up?" McCoy asked as he handed Ella her night-time bottle. She snuggled into her stroller, her eyes drooping shut. The excitement had wore her out.

"I'm actually about to drop Ella off at Martha and Daniel Paris' place. They agreed to watch her so I could go out to the costume party in the rec room. They have a son named Michael that's about the same age."

McCoy looked disappointed.

"But you could come?" She hedged.

He seemed to consider her offer and then shook his head.

"Nah. I was hoping for a quieter atmosphere after work. You have fun but I was wanting to ask you something."

Jim tucked the candy underneath the stroller and stood up, a frown on her face. McCoy looked at her with an unsure grimace.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

McCoy hesitated, shifting from one foot to the other before answering. This set Jim on edge. Things had been amicable and they had attained a balance of sorts with the responsibilities of parenting and had even broached a tentative friendship.

"I told my mother and sister about you and Ella. They want to meet you both."

Jim stiffened slightly. Bones had never mentioned his family before and Jim had stupidly assumed that like her, he didn't have one.

"Okay." Jim said slowly.

McCoy continued as if she hadn't spoken at all. His words quick and precise.

"I was thinking if you didn't have plans for Thanksgiving then it'd be a nice long weekend."

That just cemented her discomfort at the request. Meeting them was one thing. Staying several days was another. She had never really been comfortable with family gatherings. Her Uncle Frank, Winona's now ex-husband, had typically made them a living hell for her and Sam.

She looked at Ella and then back at McCoy who was watching her intently and waiting for her reaction. Well, _shit_. She had wanted to include him in holidays for Ella's sake and it was only fair for her to know the rest of her family. She raised a finger and pointed it at him.

"Fine but I don't do cooking. I'd just burn everything."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: The fun begins! I just want to say thank you so much for everyone who has reviewed and favorited or followed this story. It has made me so happy and a smile comes to my face with every email I get. Thank you! Please keep doing it! It inspires me to continue writing!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Ten

McCoy struggled to focus on his textbook through the distracting giggling and muffled voices coming from the bedroom behind him. He grit his teeth in irritation and re-read the line of text before growling and realizing that he had read it at least four times already without it sinking in. He tossed the PADD onto the coffee table with a huff and focused on the child in front of him.

At eight months old, the tiny brunette had taken an unusual approach to getting around. Rather than the usual crawling that most babies do, she had taken to scooting along the floor on her bottom which had been a never-ending source of amusement from Jim. He'd tried the entire week to teach Ella the correct way to crawl, going so far as to crawling in front of her and trying to explain it in sensible but simple terms. All he received for his efforts was a puzzled scowl from Ella and had promptly stopped after Jim had walked in on his "lessons" with her and threatened to place an ad on the recroom wall telling other cadets that he was offering piggy-back services.

"She's just stubborn, Bones. I think she gets it from you." Jim winked at him. "I always did things my own way, too."

"More like she gets it from you." He growled but Kirk just laughed and shook her head, blond hair swaying around her shoulders.

"Nope. That little frown is pure Leonard McCoy."

He picked up the scooting child and pulled her to him using her as a distraction from the happenings going on in the next room. He picked up a small electronic ball and hit the on button. The ball lit up varying colors and shot out of his hand to hover in front of Ella who immediately started to reach for it. It changed colors and stated the name of the current color each time Ella swatted it with a chubby hand. He smiled proudly as she tried to mimic the sounds of the words.

His musings were cut short by the sound of the door opening behind him. His jaw clenched and he could feel a muscle tic in the side of his face but he remained silent.

"So, Bones? Honest opinion since you're a guy and my friend...what do you think?"

His jaw dropped at the sight of her. She had her hair loose in slight curls falling past her shoulders, a grey sweater-type dress hugged her curves tightly, the turtle-neck loose around her neck. The dress came to about mid-thigh to reveal black tight covered legs tucked in high black boots. She had on a light dusting of make-up which only served to accentuate her bright blue eyes. She looked perfect.

He scowled and shifted his hold on Ella.

"It's a little short." He grumbled.

Gaila bounced across the room and pouted at his assessment.

"Well, I think she looks cute."

Jim waved Gaila's assurances down with an amused smirk at McCoy.

"That's his way of saying I look fine if that's the only fault he can find."

He snorted and shook his head.

"Jim, you're gonna catch your death if you wear that and I won't be nice enough to patch you up."

She laughed and took a small pair of earrings Gaila produced from her pocket.

"I'm in a sweater Bones and you wouldn't let me suffer."

At his silence Jim looked up from her task, and unsure expression on her face which turned into a laugh when McCoy's features softened.

"Hell. No, I wouldn't let you suffer...physically. I'd sure as hell make sure you heard about it though." He answered.

She smiled, a full flash of white teeth and then leaned in, brushing her lips to Ella's cheek. He could smell a hint of cherry blossom from her and then she was up.

"Jim, trust me. You'll like Chris. He's a nice guy from my engineering class. He's smart." Gaila added much to McCoy's displeasure.

"Okay." Jim frowned, a small wrinkle forming on the bridge of her nose. "But tell me why, again, I have to go out with this guy?"

The green skinned orion sighed dramatically and threw up her hands. McCoy had been wondering that too but didn't want to voice his opinion for fear of causing Jim to be uncomfortable.

"Because you haven't been out in _weeks_! You cancelled on Halloween for no reason. And you've blown off every attempt to bring you out into civilization. You've been spending all your time either studying, with a baby attached at your hip or sleeping." She shook her head, a melodramatic sad look on her face. "It's not healthy."

McCoy felt a small sense of victory for the Halloween miss but didn't see much wrong with Jim not going out. She still had a social circle. If it didn't involve nights out partying, who was he to complain?

Kirk rolled her eyes and grabbed the small purse on the coffee table.

"I like studying. And says _you_." She pointed at the red-head. "You're staying in and babysitting!"

Gaila let out a dramatic sigh and wrapped an arm around McCoy who felt his cheeks grow warm as an assault of pheromones from the orion hit him.

"It's not all bad. I have a handsome doctor to keep me company." She purred.

Jim wagged a finger at the pair with a mock stern look.

"Now now kids. Don't stay up too late. Remember that we have a shuttle to catch tomorrow."

McCoy rolled his eyes at the insinuation behind Jim's scolding and pressed his lips into a thin line choosing to remain silent. Gaila waved an enthusiastic goodbye as Jim twirled and left with a bounce.

McCoy let out the breath he'd been holding and put Ella back on her blanket on the floor. She scooted a little ways towards the door, making grabbing motions. Her face was puzzled as she cried out.

"Mama...mama?"

McCoy felt the same sense of unhappiness as Ella's tiny voice and actions depicted. He slid off the couch and sat next to her, placing a hand on the infant's back.

"I know, baby girl. She'll be home soon." He murmured and Ella's big blue eyes looked at him, her lip trembled but she soon became distracted when Gaila joined them and placed a handful of alphabet blocks in front of her. He picked up his PADD from the coffee table and viciously punched in his codes to pull up his chem paper.

He tried focusing for about fifteen minutes but his anger at Jim for going out and at Gaila for setting her up on a date made it hard to actually do his editing. He could feel Gaila's eyes watching him and that just added to his irritation.

"What?" He finally bit out.

The orion didn't so much as flinch at his harsh tones as she tilted her head and looked at him curiously.

"You're jealous." It was more a statement than a question.

"No."

"You like Jim."

"No." He was starting to get angrier and could feel his face growing hot under Gaila's observant statements.

"You know, there's nothing wrong with going out on a date. She's been cooped up here now for two and a half months."

He ground his teeth as she calmly stated this and he struggled to get his breathing under control. Dammit, he hated that his emotions were always so close to the surface. Gaila continued to watch him with an unreadable expression.

"Did _you_ want to go out with her?" She asked calmly.

He bit back his automatic yes and stammered. "No."

Gaila's lips turned up and she looked like a cat that had caught the canary and for some reason it made his anger dissipate and turn into nervousness.

"You know, doctor, that's exactly the way Jim answered that question too."

Jim came home later than she'd planned, her hair askew and out of breath. Chris had definitely been a different person than she'd thought at the beginning of the date. He'd started off as a boring dinner companion, droning on and on about the physics behind warp mechanics and his ideas on how to improve engine efficiency. He must have taken her glazed look and monosyllabic answers for true interest and on the way home he'd turned into a human octopus. She eventually brushed him off at her door with the promise that she'd call him.

The apartment was dark and she assumed Gaila must be asleep in Ella's room where the twin bed was. She walked into the kitchenette and reached into the top cabinet and poured herself a small brandy before walking back into the living room and kicking off her boots. She thought about turning on the lights but figured she'd be going to bed soon anyway and flopped back onto the sofa only it was already occupied.

She yelped and jumped up, her drink sloshing in her glass but not spilling.

"Computer, Lights!" She said quickly and saw a very red-faced Leonard.

His face was puffy from sleep and his hair sticking up at the back made him look endearing even as he grumbled at her.

"Dammit, Jim. I'm not a couch!"

She rolled her eyes while he collected himself and sat up. He watched with a raised eyebrow as she sat next to him and sipped her drink with a sigh.

"How was your date?" He asked.

She smirked and raised her glass in a silent question. He nodded his agreement and she busied herself and quickly brought him one.

"It was fine." She said primly but his face told her he didn't believe her. She decided to steer away from the topic and she sat back trying to look relaxed.

"You have fun with Gaila?" She asked with her trademark leer but he wagged a finger at her.

"Nuh-uh. You first." He tried for a light-hearted tone but she could hear that he wasn't happy.

She downed her drink to give herself a second to think but decided to answer truthfully.

"If you must know..." She brought her hand up and pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling the stress of the night hitting her. "It was a disaster. He was _obsessed_ with engines and then he turned...grabby. I swear I probably have bruises. I had to practically pry him off of me. He didn't take no very well."

She heard a growl and then the sound of broken glass. Her head flipped up and McCoy was staring intently at his hands, wet from the spilled drink and a small collection of broken glass at his feet.

What the hell...?

His jaw was set and his eyebrows were drawn together. He looked like he could shoot phasers from his eyes with the look he was giving. She edged away from him feeling a nervous sensation in her stomach and started to slide off the couch to get something to clean up the mess when his hand shot out and gripped her thigh, fingers dug in and effectively caused her to freeze. She felt her neck heat and swallowed nervously.

"Um...I need to get something to clear this up." She definitely did _not_ squeak!

He didn't even look at her as he stood and she noticed he still had his boots on. Her cheeks went red as the dots connected but he added it verbally for her sake.

"You'll cut your feet on the glass." He said mechanically.

He quickly cleaned up the glass and sat back down next to her. His hands clenched and unclenched and she could see that he was mad. Was it at her? She moved closer to him and put a hand on his back causing him to startle and look at her, his dark eyes piercing her and she quickly pulled back.

"Uh...Bones? Are you ok?" She asked hesitantly.

He seemed to catch himself and he calmed down a fraction but remained slightly on edge.

"Yeah, Jim. Glass just slipped is all."

She decided to not press him for now. She skirted around the edge of the couch and grabbed some blankets and a pillow, placing them next to his still form.

"It's pretty late. Since Gaila's got the spare bed, if you wanted, you could take the couch?" She offered.

"I sent her home. No sense in both of us staying."

Jim straightened. Well, that was unexpected. She'd been hoping to talk to Gaila about her taste in blind dates.

"Oh. Well, the spare bed's yours if you want it."

He jerked his head in acceptance of her offer and tried to smile but to Jim it looked more like a pained grimace. She decided to go to bed.

She lay awake, tossing and turning for a long time. She wondered what she'd done to make him mad enough to break something. The way his face had looked was a little frightening. She didn't want to see that again.

She turned and thought a little more. He _had_ reacted after she had started talking about her date...maybe he thought she should have stayed home? Maybe he thought she was being irresponsible or had led Chris on? No. That can't be it and if it was, he would have said something. She hated being in the dark and resolved to not mention it again. She had enough worries to deal with tomorrow. She had an entire clan of McCoys to contend with.

She looked at the clock, groaning at the display telling her it was 0500. She decided that she wasn't going to get any sleep and got up.

McCoy couldn't fall asleep for a good while. His anger at Jim's date, Chris, was causing him to think thoughts that he had no right thinking. He wanted to rip him to shreds and put him back together only to pull him apart again. He would _never_ have done something like that to a lady. He wasn't jealous. Really. That's what told himself before he finally fell into a hard sleep.

McCoy woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee and for a minute, he forgot where he was. He looked around and saw Ella's crib on the other side of the room was empty. He felt the warm rays of sunshine hitting his face from the window and he stretched, feeling the pops and creaks of his joints. He really was getting too old for late nights.

He tried to smooth his wrinkled shirt and ran a hand through his hair before he went out to meet Jim. He saw her in a pair of very short sleep shorts that only made her legs longer and a small cami. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and bounced as she moved around the kitchen singing to Ella who was bouncing in her highchair to the dance music playing and her mother's very off key notes.

He vaguely wondered how he could have slept through the din and noticed the time was 1000 hours. He hadn't slept that late in years. He smiled at Jim's thoughtfulness and walked over to where she now had her back to him as she was turning off the stove heating elements.

"Morning."

She jumped at his voice and dropped her spatula into the pan with the scrambled eggs causing some to flip out of the pan. Her cheeks turned red and she put a hand across her chest before she flipped around and grabbed her bathrobe on the counter behind her to cover herself.

"Shit! Bones, you need to put on a bell or something."

He chuckled as she quickly covered herself and up close he could see she had small purple crescents under her eyes. He wondered if she had slept last night. Probably worried about meeting his family. He was worried about it himself.

"There's a fresh pot of coffee and help yourself to the food."

He poured himself a cup and prepped a plate. He noticed that even though Jim had cooked up breakfast, she wasn't eating. She was nervously flitting around the apartment and it was setting his own nerves ablaze.

They were finally ready and boarding the shuttle. Jim's face was pale and set matching his own.

"You nervous, Jim?"

She fumbled with the straps to secure Ella in the seat on his left before taking her seat on his other side. She frowned at him.

"No. Why are you?" She looked at him closely.

He shifted in his seat under her scrutiny and she put a hand over his, gripping it tightly.

"I can hold your hand if you want. I'll keep you safe." She smiled sweetly at him and his jaw fell open.

"I don't need you pandering to me!" He said harshly and looked away. The nerve of her! Patronizing his perfectly justifiable dislike of shuttlecrafts! However, he didn't remove his hand from her grip until they landed in Atlanta. It was really for her benefit.

By the time they exited the shuttle, his legs had turned to jelly. He hated those damn things and was thankful they were back on solid ground. The warmth and humidity hit him and he quickly pulled off his jacket and shifted his hold on the bags while Jim struggled with the safety seat containing Ella. Her face was pale and strained, the heat seeming to sap her energy.

"Leo! Leo!"

He peered over the departing passengers and saw the small frame of his sister waving next to her car. Her hair was shorter than the last time he'd seen it. It was a cut in a pixie style framing her heart-shaped face. She was practically bouncing in her excitement and it made him feel welcome. After his divorce and the loss of Joanna, he'd cut himself off from his family, wallowing in his own pain. They'd tried everything to bring him back but he'd pushed them further away. He regretted that now that he saw the joy on her face at seeing him.

She almost knocked him over in a hug as they exited the landing pad.

"Oh Leo! You look great!" She leaned back and eyed Jim, struggling with her own load before going over.

"You must be Jim Kirk? I'm Donna Withers." She held out her hand which Jim took after shifting her grip on Ella.

"Nice to meet you."

Donna leaned down and gasped at the baby sleeping in the carrier.

"And this must be Ella! She's beautiful." She stood up and took a bag off Leonard's shoulder and led them to the car chattering away. He'd forgotten how talkative she was.

"Oh, Jim. You'll love it here in Atlanta. Our momma makes the best pecan pie. We had to flip a coin to see who was gonna pick you all up. We were wonderin' who'd been taming Leo since we saw him last. Would you believe that we didn't even know about you and the baby until just a few weeks ago?" She gave him a pointed glare and threw the bags in the back of the car before helping Jim secure Ella in the back.

"Actually, I believe it. I...uh...I'm excited to be here." Jim stammered and turned to him mouthing 'Leo?' in question. He shrugged and let his sister's talking fill the car as they drove home.

The sun was getting low in the sky as they pulled up the long driveway to the McCoy house. It was almost the same as he remembered it. The large yellow two-story home with it's wraparound porch and the fields surrounding it was a beautiful sight. It was calming in the orange glow of the setting sun. He could see the horses his mother kept in the distance grazing and his brother-in-law sitting on the porch swing next to his mother, gently swaying with the evening breeze. They stood up as the headlights hit them.

He got out of the car and could barely move for his mother had caged him in and pulled him into a warm embrace.

"Leonard Horatio McCoy! I cannot believe you!"

He heard a snort of laughter behind him and saw Jim looking away but he could tell she was the one who'd laughed. He stepped back and clinically viewed his mom. She looked good. She didn't have the frail, small frame his sister had but was built more like a traditional southern woman hardened by years of hard work. She had her grey hair piled into a loose bun on the back of her head and an apron over her jeans and flannel shirt.

He waved Jim over and she carefully stepped into the line of fire, holding Ella who'd decided to wake up, on her hip.

"Momma, this is Jim Kirk and Ella. Jim...this is Eleanora McCoy and my sister's husband Fred Withers."

Jim exchanged polite greetings and he could see his mom's hands twitch, clearly itching to hold the baby. Fred looked a good deal more rugged. He now had a dark beard and a tan making him look slightly wild but the crinkles surrounding his eyes as he grinned softened the overall effect.

"Girl...you look dead on your feet after traveling so far. Come on in. I have a pot of coffee with your name on it and you can tell me all about yourself. Leonard has been very tight-lipped about you." She wrapped an arm around the blond and Jim threw a frightened look behind her as she was steered into the house.

"She's pretty."

His sister's voice came up from behind him. She was pulling the bags out of the trunk and he grunted in reply as he helped her.

"Why haven't we heard about her sooner?"

Her simple question caused him to sag in on himself. He straightened and ran a hand over his face, feeling his age.

"Oh, hell. Donna, I didn't know about Ella and Jim until a couple of months ago."

Her face showed her surprise but she waited for him to continue.

"Remember that medical conference in Seattle?"

She nodded, her lips pressing in a thin line.

"We'd...uh...well, that is to say we spent some time together and it was just a fling. I didn't see or hear from her again until we were on the same shuttle going to San Francisco."

Her eyebrows came together as she worked out what he said and then she shook her head with a wry smile, pointing a finger at him.

"Only you, Leo. Only you." She hefted the duffel and he picked up the extras. "So you're just friends?" She asked.

"Yeah." He answered quietly.

"Well then I think we should go in and save her from momma. I'm sure she's trying to make an honest woman out of her by now."

Oh, hell.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: this chapter is for Olivia028. Her review gave me the idea of how to bring them a little bit closer. I hope it's ok and please, please review! I live for them and they help me get ideas and keep me going! I want to say thank you to everyone who is reviewing, favoriting and/or following this story. It's a lot if fun to write!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Eleven

Jim felt the grip of the older woman's arm around her. It was soft and gentle but completely unbreakable. She'd never progressed to meeting the parents in any of her 'relationships' so this was new territory for her. She threw McCoy a look before she was steered into the house.

Her first impression was that this house must have not been changed or altered in over three hundred years. To her left, she saw a formal sitting room. On her right was a dining room with a long oak table that spoke of family meals and large reunions. The stairs leading to the second floor were right in the front but Eleanora led her past those rooms and into the kitchen at the back. Jim saw gleaming kitchen counters and rosy copper pots, sunny yellow walls with blue checkered curtains over the windows.

Eleanora pressed Jim to a small scrubbed wooden table and it was when Ella deftly plucked her arms that she noticed the highchair next to her. They had clearly been eagerly preparing for their visit. Eleanora was practically glowing as she held the baby. Ella, on the other hand, looked unsure at her change of venue. Her little face was screwed up in puzzlement over the woman currently doting on her. She was able to multitask and with one hand grabbed a coffee cup while balancing Ella on a hip.

Jim gratefully accepted the mug, letting it warm her hands as the older woman sat across from her.

"So...how did you meet my Leonard?"

_And so it begins. _Jim thought dismally. This was exactly why she'd never had a meet the parents moment. They tended to see her as a bad influence for their precious children.

"Uh..." She shifted in her seat and looked out to the front, hoping for divine intervention but no luck.

"We met when I was on vacation." She sipped her coffee to give herself a moment but the woman in front of her waited patiently for her to finish.

"It was a summer fling." She added, unsure of what else to say.

"Leonard doesn't typically do casual. It takes a special kind of woman to get him out of his shell." Eleanora stated matter-of-factly.

Jim didn't know if that was a compliment or not so she opted to wait and see. Eleanora took a deep breath and continued speaking.

"When Leonard went on that trip, he was a broken man. The loss of Joanna caused him to fall into a self-destructive pattern but when he came back..." She looked at Jim with an intense gaze that caused her to feel the need to squirm. "It was like something had shifted. He was different...seemed more at peace with himself. That was when he started thinking about making drastic changes in his life. He wanted to do more and see more than what Georgia had to offer."

Eleanora smiled at Jim, a warm affectionate look.

"I think it was you. Something about you made him want to live again."

Jim cleared her throat and shifted in her seat, giving the older woman a nervous smile.

"I'm sure he just needed time."

"Perhaps."

Jim was spared any further conversation by the arrival of Bones, his sister and her husband. McCoy took his position behind her and the intention was clear. Eleanora quickly stopped talking and focused on the baby. Ella was basking in the attention, her pudgy hands grabbing at everything and she was babbling away.

Donna was smiling and she turned to Jim and Leonard.

"She is so cute! She has your eyes, Jim!" Donna exclaimed.

Eleanora laughed.

"She looks just like Leonard did when he was a baby." She said fondly. Then she gasped and quickly passed Ella to Fred, putting her hands up in excitement.

"Oh my! I just thought! I can show you! I have the holos. I'll be right back! Don't you move."

Jim laughed at Bones' horror-struck face as he rushed after his mother with a strangled _"Mom!"_.

It was a fun night, much to McCoy's chagrin. Apparently, momma McCoy had an impressive array of photographs that included everything from bare-assed baby pictures to his graduation from medical school at the University of Mississippi. It was creeping up on midnight and Jim was yawning behind her hand but it didn't go unnoticed. She could see that Bones had been looking for an excuse to get away and Jim had just provided it.

"Momma, Jim's about to pass out. I think it's time for everyone to go to bed."

He was still red-faced from the last round of photos but she could see the pleading look he was shooting her from behind his mom's back. She briefly considered torturing him a little longer via Eleanora and Donna but she took pity on him and nodded. Ella had fallen asleep in Jim's lap so she shifted the weight and carefully picked her up, following Leonard into the hall after wishing everyone a good night.

He led her upstairs and showed her to the guest room. It had an old-fashioned queen-sized oak bed with a pale blue spread and patchwork quilt on the end. There was a matching vanity across from the bed and a crib pushed to the wall nearby. Jim carefully laid Ella down and kissed the top of her head, covering her with the blanket.

She could feel the sensation of being watched and as she turned around McCoy was looking away with a red flush on his neck.

"Uh...I'm sorry about that." He started rubbing the back of his neck and wouldn't meet her eyes. She could see he was nervous.

"It's alright. Mom's are always like that." She mumbled.

McCoy's head snapped up, a frown on his features.

"Is yours?"

Now _that _was a pile of awkward.

"I wouldn't know. I...uh...haven't seen her in a long time."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

McCoy looked like he wanted to say more but changed his mind. Maybe he sensed it was a difficult subject and she was grateful for his discretion. Winona was a pretty sore subject for her and she didn't particularly want to open that can of worms right now.

"Well, I'm across the hall if you need anything and the bathroom's right next to you."

She nodded her thanks and waited while he said his good nights to Ella. Once he'd gone, Jim let out the breath she'd been holding and fell back onto the bed in a heap. Leonard's family was so sweet and welcoming. It was something she wasn't used to. She was glad that Ella was being accepted into the fold. Jim had been afraid that there would be issues because of the pain from the loss of Joanna but they had accepted Ella and to some extent, Jim.

She quickly got ready for bed but again, found it difficult to sleep. She'd never done well in strange places and tossed and turned. It was about 5am before Jim gave up with a huff and got ready for the day. It was still dark out and even though she was bone-tired, her mind was going a thousand miles an hour trying to process everything.

Ella was still out like a light and so Jim crept downstairs, her hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing her academy sweats and a t-shirt. She didn't expect to see anyone up this early and was surprised by Mrs. McCoy already hard at work in the kitchen.

"Well. Aren't you an early riser? I didn't expect to see you until about noon considering how late I kept you."

Jim shrugged and stifled a yawn as Eleanora passed a mug to her and pointed to the coffee maker. Jim poured herself a cup and sat at the table trying to stay awake when a bowl appeared in front of her and Eleanora sat down and started shelling peas.

"Didn't sleep too well?" She asked.

Jim looked up.

"Yeah. I don't do well in new places."

"Mmhmm." She leaned back and eyed her skeptically. The look was very reminiscent of Bones and it brought a smile to her face.

"Well, it _was_ part of the reason. I just had a lot to think about." Jim insisted but then a devious grin slid across her face. "Like how to get tips on making Bones turn that same shade of red again." She raised her mug in a salute. "That was impressive."

Eleanora chuckled.

"Years of practice." She informed Jim but she quickly turned serious.

"Why d'you call Leonard Bones?"

Jim grabbed a handful of the greens and started helping out.

"Because of him being a doctor. You know. Like a sawbones. I just figured it was fun." She shrugged her shoulders. "What made him want to become a doctor?" Jim asked while she worked.

The older woman sat back in her chair, a sigh leaving her lips and she frowned as she thought about the question and how best to answer it.

"I suppose it was his daddy. David McCoy was a doctor, too. Leonard saw what his father did and he wanted to do it, too." She smiled in memory. "He was always such a gentle, caring child. He would just love to play doctor."

She laughed over her next words. "His little sister and the animals never went a day without being covered in bandages from his ministrations. He loved taking care of people."

Jim shook her head at the thought of a tiny Bones chasing behind a dog covered in bandages. The mental image was adorable and probably pretty accurate thanks to the photo show from last night.

"So he's always been a mother hen?" She asked with a wry glance.

"Only with those he cares about." Eleanora answered with a pointed glance at Jim.

Leonard McCoy woke up around 0800 in the morning, dragging his feet toward the kitchen. The smells in the air caused his mouth to water. His mom was at the stove stirring a large pot and every surface was covered with something. He saw that Ella was at her highchair watching the goings-on while Fred was reading a PADD with the news and Donna feeding the baby. He noticed that Jim was absent and opened his mouth to ask when his mother answered him.

"She went for a run. She'll be back in a bit." Eleanora McCoy turned around from her cooking, the wooden spoon tight in her grip.

"She's a nice girl. I can see why you're friends." He could hear the judgmental tone on the word 'friends' and he rolled his eyes at her insinuation.

"Mom. She's not interested in much more than friendship right now. Jim's...different."

Raised eyebrows and a skeptical look followed his minimal answer before she turned back to her cooking. He should have known better. His mother was smart as a whip but as interfering as hell. She went by the motto of mother knows best and he knew better than to try and argue with her logic even though he didn't always agree with her. Jim wasn't interested in him that way. She'd drawn the line at friendship. She'd already started dating and it wasn't with him even though he wouldn't have minded if she asked.

Jim sat at the middle of the table and was enjoying the lull of conversation feeling comfortably full when she started feeling a slight tickle in the back of her throat. She sipped her iced tea and tried to ignore the irritating sensation when her abdomen started to itch. She carefully avoided Bones' frequent looks and scratched at her stomach but the sensation started to migrate to her arms and a tight feeling in her chest made her become suspicious. She leaned over to Eleanora and asked her.

"Mrs. McCoy?"

She looked up from her task of collecting the plates and Jim noticed Bones watching her with a frown. She decided to switch tactics and picked up the plates and stood.

"Here, let me help."

Once they were in the kitchen, Jim was almost shaking with the urge to scratch. She forced a smile and hoped it didn't look like she was insane.

"Mrs. McCoy, that was wonderful. I was wondering what your recipe was."

She looked surprised at Jim's question and proceeded to list her ingredients. When she got to the sweet potato dish, Jim almost cursed out loud.

"That's what it was. I never thought to use peanut butter. I'll be right back."

She burst from the room past a stunned Bones who had to press himself to the wall for her to run past. She went up to her room and dumped out her purse, scrambling through the contents. She hadn't needed her epi-hypo for over ten years. She hoped she had packed it. The tight feeling in her chest was getting worse. Her hands skimmed over the junk and she started feeling a small sense of panic when her fingers finally closed on the small shot. She quickly lowered her jeans and stabbed her thigh.

It was a good couple of minutes before she felt any relief. Her chest still felt tight, like a band was wrapped tight around it and as she lifted up her sweater, she saw a collection of hives covering her skin. If it didn't go down soon, she'd have no choice but to ask for help. She scratched at her arms and waited.

Leonard McCoy was enjoying listening to his sister talking about the colony on Alpha Centuri IV. Her and Fred were thinking about moving there for a year or so for her to complete her masters in Art. She was excitedly chattering away about the holographic art displays when he noticed Jim wasn't paying attention. She seemed to be fidgeting in her seat and her face was slightly flushed. She was rubbing at her arms as if she was cold. She caught his eye and he was about to say something when she bounced up and left to help his mom with the plates and dishes. A knot of worry started to curl in his chest.

He gave it a good ten minutes before he headed back to see if everything was alright when he was nearly mowed down by her as she left the kitchen. Well, that was weird. He walked he rest of the way in to see his mother watching the door Jim had rushed through with a frown on her face.

"What was _that_ all about?" He asked.

Eleanora McCoy shook her head in puzzlement.

"I don't know. We were just talking about the recipes I used when she darted out of here like the devil himself was on her tail. I think something's wrong."

McCoy started piecing together her puzzling behavior. He started to move to the door when her voice called out to him, causing him to pause.

"I think you should check on her, Leonard. She's a sweet girl and if something was the matter, she might be thinking she's being a bother or something ridiculous like that."

"Oh, I intend to, momma."

He made his way up the stairs and to Jim's door which was shut. His ears could make out the sounds of a quiet wheezing and and a few coughs. He rapped his knuckles on the door only to be ignored. He waited a minute and knocked at the door again.

"Yes?"

The voice was scratchy and hoarse and that was the final piece.

"Jim? Let me in. Are you alright?"

He heard a muffled curse.

"I'll be down in a minute, Bones. I'm fine."

_The hell you are. _His mind supplied.

"Jim, just open the door."

Silence.

"If you don't open this door, I'm gonna assume you can't and open it myself."

He knew she was thinking by the stillness in the room. He gave it another minute before he let himself in. She was facing away from him and cramming things back into her purse when he spotted the hypo. Before she could grab it, he plucked it from the bed.

He held it up to the light and he knew what it was. His gaze turned to Jim who was deliberately avoiding him. He looked closer and could see blotches of color on her neck, her face was flushed and he could see the beginnings of swelling. Already one eye was swelling shut. He could hear her breathing was labored. His hand snaked out and lifted the hem of her sweater and he saw the angry red hives before Jim batted his hands away with a glare.

It wasn't very effective considering only one eye was now visible and so he glared right back. He held up the epi-hypo.

"Jim, why didn't you say something?"

At least she had the presence of mind to look embarrassed.

"I thought I could handle it myself. I didn't want to take you away from your family. I didn't know there were peanuts in the dishes." She croaked.

McCoy rolled his eyes. Of all the ridiculous things she could have said! Didn't she realize how important she was to people? To him and Ella?

He pulled her across the hall to his room and sat her on his bed while he rummaged through his suitcase. He was glad he was such a paranoid bastard when he pulled out his medical kit. His was stocked with more than the minimum emergency supplies and he pulled out a hypo and loaded the cartridge. He deftly injected it's contents into her carotid artery and pulled out his tricorder, waving the wand over her form.

"Paranoid much? Do you always carry a medkit with you?"

He ignored her jibes and focused on the task at hand.

"Jim. That shot of yours was a pediatric dose. When was the last time you got a replacement?"

"About ten years ago. I haven't needed it in a long time."

Her heart rate started to climb and the reaction started to slow slightly.

"Epinephrine is the first line of treatment. It slows the anaphylaxis to allow you time to get to a doctor. You need further treatment."

He let that sink in. She was slowly stabilized enough for him to let his mom know what was happening.

"Jim, I'll be right back but I want you to get into shorts and a t-shirt so I can see the extent of your reaction and so I can finish treating you. Can you do that?"

She nodded, not meeting his eyes and he felt bad. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed before hurrying downstairs to a very worried Mrs. McCoy. His face was grim with his own worry.

"Is she alright? What's wrong?" She asked rapidly.

He waved her down and took a deep breath.

"She'll be alright, eventually. She had an allergic reaction to something she ate but she'll need to be monitored just to be safe."

She nodded her understanding and glanced to the dining room where Fred and Donna were watching the proceeding with curious looks. She turned back to her son and smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"You look after her, alright? We'll watch the baby tonight."

That's what he needed to hear. He muttered his thanks and good nights and made his way back upstairs. Once in his room, he pulled out the various hypos that he'd need and laid them out along his bed along with a biosensor that was programmed to alert his tricorder of her readings. He set up the respirator mask and added the beta-agonist to the mask. He also had the hydrocortisone dermagel ready by the time Jim came back from the restroom.

Her swelling had increased again and he quickly pulled her to his bed. She was wearing the tiny cami and shorts he had seen her in the morning that they had left the academy. Her chest was a mishmash of hives and angry red blotches that went up her neck. Her arms and legs were quickly becoming covered and he knew he had to speed it up.

"Ok, Jim. I'm going to have to give you a few shots. Normally they're introduced via IV but I don't have that. It's probably going to make you sleepy."

He quickly started injecting his stores of antihistamines, cortisol and anxiolytics along with a light sedative. He wanted to minimize her scratching at the rash and control her body's sympathetic reactions, keeping her heart rate steady. He placed the mask over her face and turned it on. The smoky gas started to flow and he nodded his pleasure that so far everything was working. He carefully placed the small biosensor strip on her forehead and saw her breathing stabilize, her heart rate and blood pressure steady and the level of inflammation stopped rising.

He started manipulating her limbs to apply the dermagel when he saw her start to pull at the mask.

"Jim. Stop that." He admonished and he heard a muffled _I hate doctors_ while he carefully started to rub the cream into her skin. He laughed a small laugh at her impertinence and moved up her body.

Once he got to her back, he moved to sit behind her, his legs on either side of her and she tried to pull away but a firm hand on her shoulder stopped her. He gently pulled up her shirt. With the bright red of the hives, it provided a sharp contrast to the white crisscross pattern of scars on her back. She tensed as he ran his hands over them.

"What are these from, Jim? You never told me."

He felt her start to relax under his hands and a sigh of relief from the gel and most likely the medications poured out of her. She leaned back, her eyes now no longer swollen were half-lidded.

"Made example 'f me. Some 'r from Frank and some 'r from Kodos and his men."

A sharp intake of air from him and he stopped what he was doing. The implications of her statement made a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Frank didn' like it when I fought back and with Kodos..." Her eyes started drifting shut. "...I wouldn't tell him where my kids were. I never told him no matter what he did. They all tried to break me but I never let 'em."

His hands were shaking at the thought of what her words meant. He knew that something bad had happened but hearing her say it made it all the more real. Kodos meant Tarsus and the thought of her being tortured and who knows what else made his stomach churn. She had to have been only thirteen. And he thought back to the limited information on her chart. The broken bones, contusions, concussions and various hospitalizations from five to eleven. That explained this Frank. Where was her mother during all of this? To have left a little girl to suffer for most of her life when she should have been protected is unimaginable. It was then that he understood why Jim pulled away from him. She'd never had anyone be there for her and the few people that did turned around and either left her or betrayed her in some of the worst ways possible.

"'m tired, Bones." She slurred.

He patted her shoulders and tried to moved out from his position behind her where she was laying against his chest in between his legs but her hand flailed up in a drunken motion and landed on his. He felt his heart break at the gesture.

"Don' go. I like it here. I like hearin' your heartbeat. It's good."

He smiled and kissed the top of her blond head. She sighed into it and nestled onto his chest, settling when she felt his arms wrap around her.

"It's ok, Jim. I'm not going anywhere."

He had just started to doze when he heard a gentle knock on his door. He looked up to see his mom hesitantly enter and smile warmly at the two of them wrapped up together.

"Just checking to make sure everyone's alright." She whispered.

She came over and sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes on Jim's sleeping form, Jim's hand gently fisted in his shirt. McCoy blushed at his mother's knowing look.

"She's fine. I was...uh...just getting up. I'll move to the couch."

He carefully tried extricate himself from Jim but the moment she felt him moving she started to whimper and grip him harder causing Eleanora to chuckle.

"Oh, Leonard. You always were so clueless."

Eleanora stood up and patted his hand.

"I don't think you're going anywhere. I'll see you in the morning."

Jim woke up to sunlight streaming in her face and a warm body surrounding her. She could hear a thumping noise under her head and feel warm breath tickling the back of her neck. She had a crick in her neck from the awkward position and looked up to see Bones. His arms were wrapped gently around her and he was in a slight sitting position with his head slumped forward with her in between his legs. At her movement she felt his hips jerk forward and small moan escaped his lips as he tightened his grip on her. She immediately felt heat flood her cheeks when she realized that he was hard under her and then the alarms started beeping from the tricorder next to her.

McCoy jerked awake and Jim flung herself off him. Her face was still flushed when he grabbed his instruments and started scanning her, a panicked look on his face.

"Jim? Are you alright? Your heart rate is elevated and you seem to be running a slight fever."

He placed a hand on her forehead and she tried to shrug it off.

"I'm fine. Just a little embarrassed." She mumbled.

"Oh."

He closed his tricorder with a look of understanding. He probably thought she meant last night. Truth be told, she didn't really remember anything after his barrage of hypos. She let him go with that as an explanation.

"Oh, Jim. You have nothing to be embarrassed about." He pulled the adhesive biosensor off her forehead and put it in the case next to his tricorder.

He sighed deeply and reached out to hold her hand. She let him, feeling her small hand in his strong grip.

"Someday you're gonna realize that I'm not goin' anywhere. I'll be there for you to help you and support you in whatever way you need."

She smiled and squeezed back.

"Thanks."

The rest of the holiday weekend passed in a blur. Jim really enjoyed the feeling of family apart from Mrs. McCoy's continuous knowing glances and not so subtle hints. Thankfully, Bones intercepted a lot of them and together they laughed them off with good humor but she noticed that he had a tight expression with each subsequent instance. The offer of spending the Christmas holidays had Jim tempted but again Bones stepped on that one with a polite 'we'll have to see.'. She decided to not touch that one with a ten foot pole and settled for a hug from each of them at the shuttle pad.

"Now I want lots of pictures of that baby! And I'll be checking in with both of you on a regular basis!"

McCoy's face was a brilliant shade of scarlet at his mother's statements. Jim moved away to give him a little privacy when he was roped into a hug by Donna. Fred standing next to her smiling brightly.

"Jim, I'm so glad we got to meet you and our niece. I wish there was more time."

Fred stepped forward and shook her hand.

"I'm glad you visited, Jim. It takes some of Eleanora's focus off of us. Sorry about that but it looks like you're her new project." His gaze slid over pointedly to where Bones and Mrs. McCoy were talking. They kept shooting glances their way and Bones became progressively redder as their conversation continued.

Jim laughed uneasily but it sounded shrill in her ears.

"Glad I could be of service." She saluted to their amusement and with one last round of hugs they were off.

She leaned over Ella to talk to McCoy who was gripping the armrests on the shuttle with a white knuckled grip and closed eyes.

"So, what were you and your mom talking about?" She tried for casual but it was hard to do. He opened one eye and looked at her.

"Nothing. Why?"

He was deliberately being evasive and Jim knew it.

"It was just something Fred said. About being Eleanora's latest project. She doesn't hate me. Does she?" She asked unsure.

Maybe she had read the situation wrong.

"No, Jim. She doesn't hate you. If she did, you'd know. She hated Jocelyn. Wouldn't even come to the wedding. You, she doesn't hate."

Jim let out a deep sigh of relief.

"Although..." And then she tensed at McCoy's addition. "She's never nearly killed anyone at a dinner before. Interpret that however you like." And she punched him in the arm.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Alrighty, first sort of fight. Also, as anyone who has kids knows...teething sucks! I swear that I thought my son was possessed and I was waiting for him to start speaking in Latin or backwards because then I could get an exorcism! Does anyone want anything special to happen? Any special ideas or wants? Criticism and reviews help make me a better and happier writer! Just, if they're serious flames, please PM me.**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Twelve

McCoy was loading another viral sample slide and sending through the machine to see it's reaction on andorian tissue when he felt a set of eyes on him. He looked up and saw a young brown-haired cadet smiling at him. Her brown hair twisted up into a bun and vivid green eyes made him feel a little nervous as she walked over. He'd seen her around the labs before but they had never made an effort to talk to each other. She was cute in the sense that her small spattering of freckles across her nose and the way she moved reminded him of when things had been good with Jocelyn.

"Hi. I'm Nancy Smith."

McCoy stuttered before remembering that she was talking to him.

"Uh...McCoy, Leonard McCoy." He pulled his hand out of the glove connecting to the containment area and carefully shook her hand. She beamed with the contact and took the stool next to him.

"I've seen you working here a lot lately. Have a fight with your girlfriend?"

McCoy frowned and thought about how to answer. The truth of the matter was that his 'relationship' with Jim had been becoming a bit of a standstill. Since their trip to Georgia, she'd been more evasive and withdrawn. He didn't get it and he wasn't about to push the issue but she seemed to be struggling the last couple of times he'd seen her in passing. She'd talked about Christmas and to be truthful, he hadn't celebrated the holiday since before Jo had died.

His reaction had been to close himself off and focus on his work. His failsafe that he had used in the past and it helped ease the pain. Last week would have been Jo's third birthday and he'd spent the weekend holed up in his quarters missing out on his time with Ella. When Jim had seen him the next day in the mess hall sporting an impressive hangover, she'd walked right past him to her customary seat with M'Ress, Gaila and a few of her classmates. He just turned around and left.

The following week was packed with exams and so he didn't have a chance to talk to her at all. She'd started to look a little more worn and weary but the few times that he talked to her she'd responded in monosyllabic answers and seemed to be running on autopilot.

"I don't have a girlfriend." He finally answered.

He typed in his orders and set the experiment to run. He was about to leave when he found his path blocked by the brunette.

"Since you don't have a girlfriend, I was wondering if you'd like to come out with me." She smiled nervously. "You know, for a drink?"

He frowned at her, almost feeling bad.

"I'm not really looking for that kind of relationship right now."

Her smile faltered for only a second but she just shrugged.

"It's just a drink, not a marriage proposal. Besides, I need help on finding the right medium for my samples. I can't seem to get the ph balance right for the bacteria to grow."

He thought about it for a minute. Tonight was normally when he'd pick Ella up from daycare but Jim had been so distant lately. He'd see them tomorrow.

"Fine. Just because I don't want you messing up your experiment and blaming it on me." He grumbled.

Jim was exhausted but finally free of her round of exams. She'd picked next semester's classes and was excited to finally get weapons training and shipboard tactics among them. They were still beginner classes but she knew far more than what was standard. She was also excited to be getting basic engineering for shuttlecrafts. Next semester she'd get to be trying it out. To be able to go out into the black was an exciting prospect for her. She knew McCoy's opinion on the matter and she was determined to help him when he would be learning those skills next year but until then...

"Kirk!"

Jim froze in her tracks before slowly turning around. She saw his blond head and icy blue eyes watching her with a frightening leer.

"Finnegan." She greeted with her teeth clenched.

He walked up next to her and reached behind them grabbing at her but she efficiently sidestepped the contact.

"Oh come on, James. I heard about you and Chris."

She frowned but kept walking. He leaned closer and whispered.

"I can tell you like it rough. Maybe that's why Chris struck out. He wasn't man enough for you, Kirk."

She whirled around, teeth bared and barked out a laugh.

"And _you are_? Stay away from me Finnegan before I rip your balls off and shove them down your throat." She looked him over with a feral smile. "That's _if_ I can find them."

"Oooh, Kinky!" He laughed.

She spun on her heel and stormed away. She could still hear his laughter as she turned the corner but she ignored it as best as she could. Even when she picked up a screaming Ella from daycare, her mind was still fuming on Finnegan's taunts.

Ella was in the midst of teething. Her incisors were coming in and as a result this past week had been hell! Trying to study with a wailing child all night and then attempting her exams on less than an hour or two of sleep a night really sucked. Also, she'd noticed that since the Thanksgiving trip with Bones, he'd been pretty much absent. Only visiting once a week or so, even with Christmas fast approaching. In a way she was grateful for the lack of drama. On the other hand...she was really tired and wanted a break. Even when Ella finally passed out at night from her bouts of crying with her teething, Jim was so wound up, she couldn't sleep. She'd jump at every small noise waiting for Ella to start crying again. However, it did provide ample decorating time for her quarters.

With Christmas the day after tomorrow her home was garishly decorated with lights everywhere and a small tree in the corner. She'd had fun finding the most unusual ornaments. Gaila had helped decorate and being orion, she had found the experience entertaining. Uhura had tried to make things a little more tasteful but had given up when Jim had taken down the sparkling silver garland and added popcorn and cranberries on a string around the tree.

Jim did have one special ornament that was hidden deep in the back of the tree. It was a hand-made ornament with a still picture of her and her brother, a small wreath of tinsel surrounding the image. It was one of very few images that she had of Sam. Her mother had destroyed pretty much all of them upon her return from Tarsus minus her brother. Her reason being that it was too painful. Jim had rescued a few and kept them hidden from Winona's purge.

Jim was prepping dinner for her and Ella when her door chimed. She looked over to see a red-eyed Ella sniffling near the gate that separated the tree from her grabby hands and quickly walked to the door.

"Yeah." She answered.

Gaila shuffled in along with Uhura. Both women were looking at her with an expression akin to pity and Jim didn't feel like dealing with whatever it was that had instigated this meeting.

"_What_?" She snapped.

She knew she must look a mess. Her normally smooth hair had become frizzy and was fighting it's way out of it's ponytail. Her eyes were red-rimmed from lack of sleep and she was grateful that she was brighter than average otherwise she'd have failed her exams.

"Kirk, I just want to say that..." Uhura bit her lip and looked around the room for a moment before shifting her gaze back to her.

"You look like crap. Are you ok?" She asked. Her tone reminded Jim of one that was typically used for someone on their deathbed not one of a friend. She raised an eyebrow and leaned back, crossing her arms.

"Thanks, Uhura. At least I can always count on you to not sugarcoat it. I'm fine, though. Why wouldn't I be?" She asked warily. She could feel a headache brewing.

Gaila tugged on her arm and pulled her to the couch where both women sat on either side of her. Gaila pulling her to her and stroking her hair and Uhura started rubbing her arm. Ok. That is just weird.

"We saw Leonard out on a date last night with some girl who's on the science track. A Nancy or something. She was all over him. I know how you like him and that has to hurt." Uhura explained.

Jim shot up. She felt her face grow hot and her hands balled into fists. He'd seen Ella maybe once in the past two weeks and the one night he is supposed to pick her up and spend time with her he flaked! Citing something to do with helping a lab partner! He'd been weird about the whole Christmas thing and had pretty much disappeared. Jim got that. But to blow off your daughter for a date?

She shook her head in disbelief. Her heart was pounding and Ella's pitiful whimpers were making her anger build. She knew that he was free to date whomever he wanted but it still hurt especially when it interfered with her hard work at letting him build a relationship with Ella.

"I don't care who he dates."

Gaila put her hands on Jim's shaking shoulders. When had she started shaking?

"Why didn't you tell us, Kirk? That must be why you've been acting like a zombie this past week. Why don't you get the Paris family next door to watch Ella and come out with us? It'll take your mind off of it?" Uhura suggested.

Jim shook her head, her mind elsewhere like ripping Bones in half.

"Huh, what?" She asked in a daze.

The two women exchanged curious glances and turned back to Jim. Gaila moving into Jim's line of vision.

"You did know about McCoy going out with Nancy, didn't you?"

Jim shook her head.

"No. That's not why I've been struggling this past week. Ella's teething and that combined with exams was a bit much. I actually haven't seen Bones for more than a minute these past two weeks."

Both Uhura and Gaila's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I thought he was coming around regularly to see his daughter especially now that Christmas is only two days away." Uhura said quietly.

That statement hurt Jim just a little more.

"No. He's been closed off since I mentioned the holidays." She shrugged tiredly.

"I guess I got used to him being around and as a result when he wasn't there, it suddenly got a lot harder." She finished with a whisper. She could feel the burning prick of tears wanting to fall but she pushed them back violently and took a deep breath. The effort didn't go unnoticed. Gaila pulled Jim to her and ran a hand through her hair and for a moment she felt relaxed and then her door chimed a second time.

Jim quickly pushed away and wiped her face to hide any sign of distress. Gaila reluctantly released her and Uhura pursed her lips at Jim's effort to shield her feelings but didn't say anything.

She slowly got up and answered the door. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Leonard on the other side. She waved a hand to let him in. He looked and saw two sets of eyes watching him with matching glares and he wondered what he'd done to piss them off.

"Looks like an elf threw up in here." He commented as he looked around.

She snorted as Gaila's jaw dropped at his description. Both women stood and looked to Jim to see if she was alright. She nodded that it was ok and they slowly left but before they stepped through the door Uhura turned around and smiled deviously at McCoy but addressed her.

"Oh and Kirk? We'll see you tomorrow night for end of exams slash Christmas party. M'Ress has a really cute Caitian that wants to meet you. He's never dated a human before."

Jim actually did a double-take and almost laughed as Uhura sauntered off. She wondered if Uhura was serious. Jim was most definitely not into fur and tails. She waited until they were gone before walking to the replicator and ordering two servings of macaroni and cheese.

"What Bones? I'm a little busy tonight." She wasn't feeling particularly friendly at the moment, maybe because of Finnegan's latest harassment or her severe lack of sleep or the fact that Bones has been off doing his own thing (with a certain Nancy, if rumors were to be believed).

She picked up Ella and put her in her highchair, placing the bowl in front of her and started feeding her. She could feel McCoy's eyes on her but she frowned and kept ignoring him.

"You look like hell, Jim."

She aimed a tired glare at him and continued to feed a very cranky Ella who proceeded to spit out the food into her face. She closed her eyes and counted to ten before wiping the mess off and trying again only to have her start wailing. The pitch sent her close to tears. She took away the bowl and picked up the screaming child in an attempt to comfort her but it wasn't having much affect. She started her usual pacing and jiggling but the screams just escalated. She'd tried teething rings, cold cloths, numbing ointment, basic pain meds. The only consolation was that eventually she'd have to stop. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jerked to a stop.

"Here...let me try."

She scowled and continued pacing pulling away from his touch.

"I'm fine. Just leave, Bones." She snapped.

Ella's screams became louder and Jim could feel her blood pressure rising with it but she'd be damned if she was going to accept his help now. He'd been pretty much absent these past two weeks and she'd been an idiot to have gotten used to his help.

"Dammit Jim! You're being an idiot. You look like your dead on your feet and I don't have clinic tonight."

She rolled her eyes and continued pacing, Ella's sobs starting to turn to muffled sniffles as she was falling asleep on her shoulder. On her return walk she saw that he was standing with his arms crossed across his chest and frowning at her. She drew a hand viciously across her throat to make sure he understood to shut up because she didn't want another screaming episode from the baby.

Once she was sure Ella was asleep, Jim carefully laid her down in her crib and went into the front room to see McCoy sitting on her couch with a severe expression lining his face.

"_What_?" She hissed.

He just deepened his frown and she waved it off and went to dispose of the food that went unbeaten and wipe up the table. She finished quickly and flopped onto the couch, pulling out her PADD to look at the new text materials for next semester. She felt the air next to her stir before she saw that he had moved closer, his dark brown eyes scrutinizing and assessing her and it was driving her up the wall.

"Bones...back off. Go out on a date with that Nancy girl you've been hanging around with, go watch a movie, go back to your labs. I really don't care right now. You've been avoiding us for the past two weeks. What's different about tonight?"

Jim jumped and stilled as she heard movement from Ella's room. She hardly breathed as she waited and when no further noise was heard she returned to her PADD to look at the mechanics of a phaser rifle. The words on the screen were leaving her with a tension headache and the fact that Bones was still there was making it worse. She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose willing him to go away.

A whirring sound next to her caused her head to snap up and she practically snarled at McCoy who was hovering his tricorder over her.

"Jim. Nancy is just a lab partner and you're being an idiot. Your readings are all over the place. Your cortisol and epinephrine metabolite levels are through the roof, heart rate is showing signs of temporary cardiac arrhythmia from the adrenaline overload and your melatonin levels are through the floor. These symptoms are signs of stress that are alright in small bursts but when they're continuous it can cause damage."

She waved him away and went back to her schematic but his movements next to her were really distracting her and caused her to grit her teeth in annoyance.

"Bones, back off. I don't need a damn lecture. I have enough on my plate."

She heard him rustling in his bag and she decided he wasn't going to be leaving any time soon so she decided to leave.

"Jim! Where are you going?"

Jesus! Did he _ever_ let up? Just as he shouted for her to stop, Ella started her own screaming tirade. Jim threw him a filthy look and strode back to Ella's room. She picked up the crying baby and focused all of her stress and efforts to the back of her mind, drowning out McCoy's insistent hovering while she worked on calming the baby down.

Her headache was pounding in tandem with her heart by the time she laid Ella back down for the night. McCoy was scowling at the table with his arms crossed by the time Jim sat down.

"What?" She asked as she pulled out her PADD again to start reading again.

McCoy shook his head sadly and looked at her like she was crazy. In actuality she was still pretty mad at him. Since Jim had even mentioned Christmas, McCoy had clammed up and pretty much avoided her and Ella. She understood that it might be a sore subject because of his past but she has stupidly hoped that he would have been there for them. Instead, she had heard that he'd been going out.

"Put down the PADD, Jim."

McCoy pinched the bridge of his nose when he heard the clatter of the plastic hitting the table. He knew Jim was a masochist in the worst sense but seeing it like this...well, it was clear she was torturing herself. He felt partly responsible but also it was her fault for not saying something.

"Jim, what's wrong? You clearly haven't been sleeping."

Jim frowned at him and thought for a minute. She wanted to berate him and shout and generally be a bitch but at the moment she was just too damn tired.

"Ella's teething and exams and...I just don't seem to be able to stop. Even when I lie down I can't shut it off." She let out a deep breath and put her head in her hands.

She never realized how much she relied on Cathy's help before. She felt like she was literally on her own. It hurt that Cathy was going to Florida for the holidays to visit her son but at the time, she had expected McCoy to be there. It was stupid to expect him to be asexual or even interested in her but the simple fact was that she was a bit jealous of this Nancy being with Bones. McCoy was now a permanent fixture in her life because of Ella. He seemed to be picking up the pieces when she fell but wasn't there to stop them falling in the first place.

She felt a large hand rub in between her shoulder blades and she sighed and closed her eyes. It was a warm and comforting feeling. She was still mad but right now she was tired. She needed some comic relief to help her feel better and where better to get it?

"Hey, Bones?" Her muffled voice sounded so pathetic that she felt him tense up, probably in concern.

"Yeah?"

Jim smiled into her hands.

"Is it possible for a human female and a Caitian male to have intercourse?"

She looked up from her hands to see a thunderstruck expression on McCoy's face. It was a cherry red and his mouth was open in shock.

"What?"

Jim smiled and shrugged. "Just curious."

"_Dammit, Jim! _I'm a doctor not a sex therapist! Do you know what they have on the ends of their..."

Jim laughed and listened as he detailed every con of it in excruciatingly funny detail. By the end of it, Jim was in hysterics. When she could finally catch her breath she was able to talk.

"So...not a good idea?" She asked innocently. He just growled in response.

"Take a damn anatomy course. This way I'm not having to explain the birds and the bees or whatever they have on other planets to you."

She held up her PADD showing her next semester's course load which included alien anatomy and physiology. She figured it'd be useful in determining physical weaknesses and possibly in helping with first aid if needed.

"Got it covered, Bones." She smiled and pressed a hand to her temple as she started reading. She heard Bones rustle in his own bag and pull out his own work.

"Jim...we good?" He asked.

She looked up and tried to smile but it faltered with her headache that was still present.

"Yes, Bones. We're good but please stop hiding out from us like a hermit. I expect you, at the minimum, to be here on Christmas morning."

He frowned.

"On one condition."

Jim frowned back.

"What?"

He pulled her PADD away and walked over to the replicator, typing in something that must have been detailed because it was a while before he returned with a steaming mug that he put in front of her.

"You have to be there, too. Whole and rested. Drink this and go to bed, Jim. I've got Ella tonight. You should have said something. I just got wrapped up in my own shit and neglected what's important."

She held the mug and wrinkled her nose at it.

"Warm milk?" He shrugged and pulled out two small red pills, pushing them towards her. She sipped at the drink but scowled at the pills.

"I'm fine, Bones."

He shrugged but narrowed his eyes at her.

"Jim. I know you think you're invincible but I know what I'm talking about. I wouldn't give you something you don't need."

Jim stilled, like a frightened deer caught in the headlights as she heard Ella shift in her crib. She waited, stiff in her chair until the sounds stopped. When she met Bones' eyes he had an eyebrow raised up high and his arms crossed.

"Fine." She tossed back the pills. "You know if you keep making that face it's gonna freeze like that."

He threw up his hands and looked skyward. "Unbelievable!"

McCoy finally shuffled Jim into her quarters when Ella started her fussing. He sighed and was thankful that Jim was out cold. There was no way she would have been up for another night of this. He hadn't noticed how bad it had gotten and berated himself again for not paying closer attention.

It was a rough night for them and he fell asleep on the couch with Ella on his chest. He woke up to her twitching and noticed that it was morning. He put her in her playpen to let her rest a little longer while he put on some coffee. He yawned and went to scan Jim, pleased that her readings had normalized with some sleep. At this point she was now in a natural sleep and he wasn't going to wake her. Stubborn woman wouldn't ask for help even if it was dancing right in front of her.

He finally left by the afternoon when Jim dropped Ella off at her neighbors for the night. Jim was still planning on going to the holiday party and McCoy was out of excuses to dissuade her from going. His last argument had been that she needed another night of rest and observation. Jim had snapped back at him, hair up in some bizarre contraption to make it curly and a towel around her waist that if he was that worried then he could 'observe' her at the party.

The holiday party was being held in a reserved room at some club in the mission district. He felt out of his element in the loud, flashing room. The thumping music and outdated decorations just added to his discomfort. He held his ridiculous Christmas-themed drink in his hand and stood with his back to the wall. The writhing mass of young cadets made him feel old and he kept his eyes open, yet to see Jim when he felt a hand on his back. He turned and saw Nancy smiling and holding a sprig of mistletoe over him. She quickly pressed a kiss to him before he could protest. He pulled back.

"Looking for me?" She purred. She wrapped an arm around him possessively and he tried to extract himself from her grip when he saw Jim enter.

A dark-haired man had his arm wrapped around her waist and she was smiling nervously. Her hair was falling in waves down past her shoulders and she was wearing an off the shoulder red sweater with jeans that were tight in all the right places. A piece of holly was on her shoulder and she looked excited to be out. It was the same look that she had had when she would take him out on her excursions in Seattle so long ago. He saw the dark haired man lean over her and whisper something in her ear and her grin widened. He tried to move towards her but Nancy was attached to him like an octopus.

The night wore on his nerves and no matter how much he tried to dislodge Nancy from him, he wasn't successful. She was literally hanging off of him at this point after multiple drinks. He was about to give up on his efforts when Jim appeared next to him, face flushed and looking at him with smug amusement.

"This Nancy?"

The brunette attached giggled and McCoy scowled.

"Who's _your_ date, Jim?" He grit out.

She shrugged. "He's in my command class. Gary Mitchell. He had to leave. Early shuttle in the morning to go to see his family for the holidays."

McCoy felt a little more relaxed that he'd left but a wandering hand from the human octopus attached to him made him jump.

"Having fun, Bones?" She asked with a leer at his now red face. He felt drunken, sloppy kisses now on his neck and he kept trying to pry her off much to Jim's amusement.

"I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone, shall I?" She grinned evilly and started to walk away when he desperately shouted out.

"Don't you _dare_ leave me like this?"

She just waved behind her and walked off. He felt his ire rising when a moment later he saw Jim walking up with Gaila in tow. Between the two women, they managed to pull a very drunken Nancy off of him.

"You got her?" Jim asked.

Gaila giggled as Nancy now attached herself to the orion girl.

"Yeah Jim. I'll get her home."

McCoy felt a surge of relief and Jim was watching him with a satisfied smirk.

"Come on, Bones. You owe me and it's time to pick up Ella. The Paris's will be going to bed soon and I need to put out the gifts."

She linked her arm in his and dragged him out into the cold night air. A quick taxi ride later and they were back on the campus. They had Ella quickly tucked into bed and Jim was arranging a small set of gifts under the tree. He recognized the neat scrawl of his mother on several and was surprised. His mom hadn't said anything about sending something. Jim stood up and smiled at him. The sight of her under the twinkling lights was beautiful. The colors danced on her skin making her look more ethereal. Her hair was slightly covering her eyes and he moved closer to her, feeling the crackle of electricity. Maybe it was the fact that both of them had had a few drinks that made him feel a little more confident. Maybe that was what was causing the pink flush on her cheeks as she looked up at him.

He moved a hand and gently brushed the hair behind her ear so he could see both of her bright blue eyes. Her arm came up and he followed the movement and saw a small bundle of mistletoe held in her fingertips. She hesitated before slowly leaning in and he moved forward, his heart pounding in his throat until he felt the kiss on his cheek instead of his lips.

"Merry Christmas, Bones."


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Ok. Sorry for the long time in between updates. My daughter was in the hospital and that took priority. She's fine(ish). We're adjusting meds to try and control new seizures.**

**Anyway, I am posting this chapter and the next will have Bones POV and the end of the night. I was going to include it in this chapter but I didn't want to flip-flop with so much going on with Kirk and I didn't want to make you all wait another day. Please let me know what you all think and anyone have any ideas of how you want it to go? :)**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Thirteen

Jim carefully focused through her eyepiece at the target, her hands carefully holding the phaser rifle. She mentally counted and took a deep breath in and slowly let it out as she squeezed the trigger.

"Nice shot, Kirk."

Her head snapped up and she tried to pull herself up quickly from her prone position on the ground. Captain Pike was looking at the target and not at her. His stance was stiff but not overtly so. She stood at parade rest in front of him and waited patiently. He turned to survey her with a sad look and that just caused Jim to tense up further.

"Thank you, sir. Is there something wrong?" Kirk's head tilted to the side as she surveyed her mentor.

Since coming to the academy six months ago she'd found Pike to be a grounding presence in the chaos of her life. A steady rock that never changed even through the turbulence that was her. He guided her through the courses needed for her to graduate and even took an interest in Ella and her personal life. He found excuses to schedule their meetings when Jim couldn't find childcare and tended to dote on Ella much like a grandfather would a favorite grandchild.

She wasn't sure why Pike was so invested in her and she tried to get it out of him but he just dismissed it with a wave and refocused the conversation.

Jim liked to think she was incredibly skilled with computers. She prided her abilities to hack any file and system even when it took a while longer than she anticipated but apparently Pike knew of her skills. Her first six attempts to hack his file had been unsuccessful. On her seventh attempt, she thought she had succeeded only Pike had been one step ahead of her and when she opened the files she received a computer virus that translated her entire computer texts and files from standard to Andorian. It had taken her two days to completely rid her system and she had had to retranslate all of her essays and reports manually because the translation software had also been deleted. She knew Pike had probably known but didn't comment. She could tell by the glint in his eye and the smile tugging at his lips the next day when she shuffled into class with bags under her eyes from staying up all night to re-do her papers.

It was after that incident that she resolved to go about it the old-fashioned way and keep needling him down. He seemed to enjoy her curiosity and even encouraged it by entertaining her with stories of his own travels interspaced with his own inquiries about her past. She was as tight-lipped as he was with some subjects.

Pike placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled slightly.

"Let's take a walk." He said quietly.

Now Jim was starting to worry. She palmed her comm and saw there weren't any messages so that ruled out Bones and Ella. The only other concern was Cathy. She started to feel sick at the thought and tried to swallow as she caught up to Pike and walked alongside him.

"Captain?" She asked and she was thankful when he slowed once they were outside of the firing range facility.

"Jim, I received a call from the USS Rotherham."

_Shit._

"From your mother."

_Double shit._

"She's determined to contact you. She wasn't too happy about finding out you joined Starfleet."

Jim continued walking in silence not knowing how to reply. Her and Winona never got along well. Jim reminded her too much of what she had lost the day she had been born. Something had snapped inside her that day. Then the loss of her second husband when she caught what he had been doing to Jim the time she had come home early on leave had made things harder between them.

_Her body ached from Frank's latest round. Her legs shook as she stumbled from the farmhouse. Sam had left her, not being able to stand it anymore. His last attempt to protect her had resulted in a broken arm on his end and a more brutal assault on her._

_"I'll get help. I promise." Sam had said but this morning had been the breaking point for her._

_She was dressed in Sam's old clothes, a pair baggy jeans and a flannel shirt to hide herself and Frank's marks. She had her hair down to hide as much of her bruised face as possible and the tears from the pain that she could no longer tolerate._

_She was standing hunched in the front yard, looking at the long road and thinking about running. She wondered if she'd get far. Sam had. The slam of the rickety screen door from behind her caused her to flinch instinctively and clench her fists._

_"Get that car cleaned, girl. I've got a buyer picking it up tomorrow. How much do you think I'll get from selling the car of a failure. Couldn't even save himself."_

_A harsh laugh and then she heard the clatter of the plastic pail that was tossed next to her._

_"Then again, with you as a daughter, maybe he didn't want to. Get on it!"_

_The sponge bounced off the back of her head and fell to her feet. Her fists clenched in anger but that was all the defiance she could muster._

_She cleaned the bright red corvette to shining glory, it's gleaming red surface so polished she could see her reflection. She moved inside and was dusting the interior when she pulled the visor down and the keys fell into her lap. She stared at them, her heart pounding, insane thoughts racing through her mind. Her eyes darted to the house. There was no sound from inside and Jim wasn't surprised. Frank was probably passed out. She needed a way out and the weight of the keys in her hand gave her a sense of calm, an escape. Sam wasn't going to save her. No-one was._

_She turned the ignition and had to stretch to reach the pedals. The roar of the engine poured into her and as she pressed the accelerator she felt a thrill run through her. She flipped the stereo on and sped down the dirt road, windows down and music blasting. She almost felt free but not quite. She needed more. She reached up and flipped the toggles. The roof came flying off and then she felt it. The wind flying through her hair and she was flying. She pressed harder on the accelerator and the speedometer climbed higher. She saw a classmate walking along the road and waved to him as she sped past._

_The comm in the car went off. She saw it was Frank and briefly considered ignoring it but curiosity won out._

_"Are you out of your mind? That car's an antique! You think you can get away with this just because your mother's off planet? You get your ass back here. You live in my house. My house. My ru-"_

_Jim hung up and cranked the music louder, the sounds vibrating in tandem with the engine as she sped up. Soon a whirring caught her attention and a flash of blue and red from behind her. Wide-eyed, she chanced a look behind her as the highway patrol cycle caught up with her._

_"Pull over citizen."_

_If she pulled over, he'd take her back to Frank. She feigned ignorance and jerked the steering wheel to the right, smashing through an old wooden gate, the sign informing her of the Iowa Mining Company's Quarry. This was it. All she had to do was keep going and let gravity do the rest. He'd never touch her again. She'd never see the distant looks her mother would give her, silently blaming her for her husband's death because if she hadn't been pregnant with Jim then they wouldn't have been on the Kelvin. They had needed the money._

_She saw the drop coming closer and her heart pounded in anticipation...but she couldn't do it. At the last second she gripped the wheel, hit the brakes and flung herself out of the car. For a moment, she really was flying then the hard slap of the ground hit her and her fingers scrabbled at the red earth, dirt flying as she pulled herself up from the edge. She saw the 'vette soar over the edge and she watched as it landed and burst into flames. A perverse pleasure surged through her at it's destruction. Frank had taken almost everything from her. He wasn't going to take this._

_"What is your name, citizen?"_

_The uniformed officer stood tall, his helmet hiding his reaction to her. She straightened her shoulders despite her body's pained protests._

_"James Tiberius Kirk."_

_The ride back home had been silent. Jim had provided monosyllabic answers. The officer had about her injuries but she remained silent. Frank put on a good show when she had been returned, acting the part of a concerned parent until the officer had left before he unleashed his wrath._

_Jim had been on the floor, bleeding and her clothes in shreds with Frank above her when the door opened to reveal her mother and Sam. Her next memory was waking up at Riverside General with her mother and Sam next to her. Frank had gotten ten years and for six wonderful months Winona was a mother then she started to fall back into her old ways. Sam and Jim could see she was despondent. Whether it was through guilt for what Frank had done or because she started to remember her old feelings of resentment about them she didn't know. She soon left and sent them to Tarsus IV where they suffered a worse horror._

Jim shrugged in response. At sixteen Jim had cut all ties and became an emancipated minor. There was nothing left for her anyways. Winona had made that clear after her discharge from the hospital in San Francisco. The woman had alternated between overbearing, angry, indifferent, drunk or attached to her like she was a lifeline. It was too much for her. She couldn't take the mood swings.

"Jim, she is trying to get back to Earth to see you."

Pike's quiet voice and calm voice was a stark contrast to the roiling emotions she was feeling. She wanted to scream and rage. How dare she think she can dictate her life. The woman was in Starfleet herself, the hypocrite. She had used it to run from her every chance she got and when she had to return she was all over the place. She had no right. Jim clenched her hands into fists, her jaw tight as she worked out what to say.

"I have nothing to say to her. My comm is unlisted." Jim managed.

Pike sighed and she saw that he had stopped walking. She paused in her pace and waited when she felt a hand grip her shoulder. It was a comforting gesture, one meant to comfort and the tension slowly drained away leaving her shoulders to slump and her head to hang.

"I told her the same thing but you know she'll find it eventually." He stated.

Jim nodded, knowing that he was right. Winona was a commander in the science division and as such had earned enough respect to be able to have contacts.

"I just wanted you to be prepared. If you need to talk, you have my comm number."

"Thanks, Chris. I just need to..." She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath to center herself.

"I understand, Jim. Do you need me to run interference?" He asked quietly.

Jim shook her head. "No. She'll just have one of her episodes and really latch on if she thinks she's lost me to the 'fleet. She does this every once in a while. She probably doesn't even know about Ella."

Jim turned around and saw Pike's eyebrows shoot up in surprise but it quickly morphed into something else, a look of concern and trepidation. Jim felt dread pooling in her gut.

"What else?" She groaned and Pike pulled out a small PADD and typed in something, handing it to Jim after a minute. A tabloid headline with a picture of her holding Ella in her cadet reds and smiling with Bones walking next to her was splashed on the front.

**"Kelvin baby has baby girl and is now bravely following in her father's footsteps!"**

The story continues outlining her recent life including Ella's name and date of birth. Somehow they had accessed her course list and grades. It went on to describe her as some tragic survivor, a brilliant single mother bravely joining the organization her father had died in service of. Bones had been identified as Ella's father but the relationship was unknown. Jim gritted her teeth in frustration. So this was how Winona had found out.

Jim took several deep breaths, gripping the offending PADD with white knuckles as if she could crush it into oblivion. Gentle hands pried it out of her grasp.

"It was going to get out sooner or later. I'd suggest you warn Dr. McCoy and try to keep a level head."

Pike put the PADD back into his pocket and gestured for Jim to keep walking. He led her back to her dorm. She spun on her heel and tried to smile but it was strained, a mirror image of Pike's.

"Thanks for the warning. I'll call if I need anything." She said mechanically.

Pike nodded and left. Jim slowly walked up the steps and was thankful that it was Saturday and she didn't have any classes. She didn't have anywhere important to be and Bones had Ella for the day. She sent a message to him telling him she needed to talk to him and was surprised when he responded immediately that he was home and for her to come over. She had been hoping for a little more time to process everything but life liked throwing her curveballs.

She made her way to the elevator and pressed the button or the eighteenth floor. At Bones' door, she rolled her shoulders and gave herself a mental pep talk before depressing the buzzer. A muffled 'come in' and she stepped through the door. McCoy was sitting on the floor behind Ella who was playing with a set of blocks. Jim smiled at the sight and joined him on the floor but she felt a pang of guilt for, yet again, dragging him into her mess of a life.

"Hey Bones." She mumbled.

He smiled but as he saw her face it turned into a frown, his eyebrows drawing together.

"Jim, what's wrong?" He glanced up at the chrono on the wall and turned back to her, his frown deepening as he realized she was home early. Jim rubbed her face with her hands, closing her eyes as she tried to rub out the lines of stress before answering McCoy.

"I just found out that we..." She waved a finger between the three of them. "...are celebrities."

McCoy's head jerked back in surprise and he laughed nervously.

"What?"

Jim stood and walked over to the desk and picked up the small portable computer. She returned and slid back down, quickly pulling up the article for Bones' perusal. He moved from his seat behind Ella and started to read. Jim watched as his forehead shot up and his jaw went down. Indignant sputtering followed as he gestured at the screen.

"I'm sorry." She muttered.

McCoy's hand came near his mouth, the fingers resting on his chin and he looked at her. She was surprised because it wasn't a look of anger, it was one of irritated concern and sad frustration.

"Jim, why the hell are _you_ sorry? You didn't do this."

He laughed and shook his head.

"It's not like you went out and advertised." He shrugged and wrapped a strong arm around her, pulling her close and for a moment she leaned into his touch before she remembered that he was off limits. Nancy and him had started dating two weeks ago. She couldn't continue to drag him through this mess that was her life. She cleared her throat awkwardly and pulled away, not looking at him and failed to see the hurt look flash across his face.

"Are you ok?" He looked at the article again and tilted his head.

"How did you even find out about this? You don't read the tabloids?" He asked.

"Pike told me." She answered.

"Oh." He paused. "Has anyone else, you know, contacted you because of this?"

She shook her head. Technically, Winona hasn't contacted her and so far neither had any reporters. She knew it was a matter of time.

"Pike suggested to let it run it's course. It's a fad and people will lose interest. They'll try again in June on the Kelvin anniversary but that should be the limit of it."

McCoy nodded and looked at Ella. He took a deep breath and seemed to be boring holes into the wall above Ella's head, clearly deep in thought.

"Is it alright if you take Ella tonight?" She asked. He didn't respond and Jim had to wave her hand in front of him. He jumped and faced her.

"Sorry. Uh...sure." He looked at her closer, his dark eyes assessing her.

"What are you going to do?" He asked suspiciously.

Jim rolled her eyes and laughed nervously.

"Jeez Bones, I just want to have some time to myself. I have some things to sort out."

His eyes narrowed and he moved closer to her.

"Jim..." He warned and put a hand on her arm which she promptly shook off with an irritated huff.

"It's not the article. It's...something else." She told him. He opened his mouth and Jim knew he was going to demand an answer. She put up a hand to stop him and his mouth snapped shut with an audible click, his face turning red in anger at her dismissal. Bones didn't need to be pulled in to her craziness or rather her mother's craziness. Why did Winona always have to swoop in and ruin everything? If he knew everything about her, would he even stay? Or would he just stay because of Ella? He seemed to be having a good thing going with Nancy. Jim didn't like her but maybe that was because she thought McCoy could do better.

"Drop it, okay?" She pleaded and McCoy's chest puffed up and that was when she knew she had said the wrong thing. Ella stopped playing and was watching their interaction with wide eyes that darted between them.

"Would it be so bad for you to open up and let me in? I've told you some about my past." He stood up and brought his hands to his chest, his face growing redder as his volume rose. "Hell, you've even been to my childhood home and met my family! In six months I have yet to hear you talk about anything prior to the academy."

He flung an arm to indicate Ella, who at this point had her bottom lip out and tears were forming in her big blue eyes.

"The only reason I know about Ella is because you got sick and from what Cathy sent me! I've been patient and tried to respect your privacy but I can't take it anymore!"

Jim felt furious indignation rise within her and she stood quickly, coming almost nose to nose with McCoy. She jabbed a finger to his chest and used it to punctuate every word. Though her volume was low, the amount of anger behind the words was not diminished in any way.

"How _dare_ you!? You think you could handle my past? I can't handle my past. You think I keep things from you for selfish reasons?" She shook her head and could feel hot tears in her eyes, an almost hysterical laugh bubbled out.

"You know what? Maybe it is for selfish reasons. Because I know that if you _really_ knew everything then you'd leave just like everyone else. You'd finally see just how messed up I am." She ended the sentence with a watery hiccup and Ella started crying.

"Jim..."

McCoy moved forward with a pained expression and Jim startled. It was the breaking point.

"I have to go."

Her instinct of fight or flight struck full force and because she cared too much she chose flight and practically ran from the dorm, McCoy's arm still reaching out to her and Ella's cries echoing in her head.

She made it to her quarters before she broke down. She sank slowly to the floor, her stomach twisting at the memory of Bones' face. He had looked so hurt when she wouldn't talk to him but what do you say to someone who has had a normal family, one that loved and cherished him. To tell him the horrors of her past and that part of that past that she wants to stay hidden is possibly on it's way here? She decided to curtail that part right now.

She shook herself and wiped her face before moving to her computer. She accessed the subspace communications array and was able to locate the _Rotherham_. She hailed the ship and almost immediately she was face to face...well to viewscreen with an andorian woman. Jim smiled tightly.

_"This is the USS Rotherham. Ensign Talas speaking."_

"I'm trying to reach Commander Winona Kirk, please."

The woman finally looked at the screen and did an almost comical double-take. Clearly, she had read the article. Jim tapped her fingers nervously on the desk while she waited.

_"She's just coming off shift, Miss Kirk. I'm putting you through now."_

Jim nodded tersely and waited and soon the image changed to that of her mother. Jim's hands twitched and she pressed her lips into a thin line at the sight. Winona Kirk was an amazingly beautiful woman even though she was in her fifties. Her long blond hair that was pulled up into a loose bun was liberally streaked with grey, her face was lined with age but she was still young enough to turn heads. A smile erupted when she saw who was calling her and Jim tried to smile back.

_"Oh, Jamie! I saw that article and I'm so worried. What are you doing?"_

Her eyes were practically flashing as she started in. Jim knew this was coming and steeled herself.

"Mom, I decided to join Starfleet to do something with my life. To be someone my daughter could be proud of."

Jim watched as her mother drew a shaky hand across her face and was pulling at he hair to let it loose. Probably to give herself time to think.

_"You didn't even tell me I have a grandchild? What are you thinking?"_

Her pitch started to rise and Jim started to worry. It was never good when she got like this.

_"You can't be serious about this? Who is going to watch your child when you ship out? The article was pretty clear that you're a single mother and on top of that how could you forget that your father died in the service. What'll happen to her if you get hurt or even killed?"_

Jim felt her heart rate rise and was beginning to get angry. Now she cares?

"Look, I won't be leaving my child behind with some perverted abusive drunk or dumping her off with relatives on a distant colony where help is nowhere to be found." Jim could see how her words stung the other woman but she was gaining momentum.

"And how _dare_ you question my mothering? You were never there for me except when your guilt became too much. Then you would latch onto me like a leech every time your mistakes cost me a little more of my childhood or innocence. Then after six months or so you lose interest in me again and start seeing dad in my eyes or my face and leave. I can't do this."

Jim wiped away angry tears that were spilling down her front and took a deep breath before she could continue.

"She's coming with me when I ship out. If I do happen to die then she's got her father or Cathy or his family. I have a support system."

Winona leaned forward, a look of desperation twisting her features.

_"Jamie, please leave the academy. I'll come home and help you. I'll get a planet side posting. I don't want your child to go through having a broken family. I...I can't lose you, too."_

Jim felt a pang of pity at Winona's words. Her and her father's work in the service had caused her to pretty much lose everything. Her dad died saving the Kelvin 800, including her and her mother. Then Sam had been killed on Tarsus and very nearly Jim when Winona had returned to active duty. She'd seen Jim broken on her kitchen floor when she'd come back from a tour early. Jim, on accepting Pike's proposal had made a promise to herself that Ella would never suffer the same fates.

"Mom..." That got Winona's attention. Jim had not called her mom in years. The woman turned back into the viewscreen with red, watery eyes, biting her lip to stop it trembling.

"Mom, _nothing_ is going to happen to me. I don't need you to come here. Please don't. I'm having a hard enough time keeping my past away from here." Jim pleaded.

Winona looked away for a moment, fear flashing across her face and then she looked back towards Jim.

_"I can't let you do this, Jamie. I can't let you make the same mistakes I did."_

Jim wanted to punch the screen but she withheld the impulse. Bones'd kill her if he had to patch up her fist.

"Stop. Just stop. If you want to visit..." God, she couldn't believe she was telling her this. "...then you can during Spring break but I am not leaving. I'm happy here. Let me have this. Nobody knows about anything and I want it to stay that way."

Winona pursed her lips, a slight frown appeared and Jim wondered if, for once, she'd listen.

_"We'll see."_

It was better than she'd hoped but left much to be desired in the way of a response. If anyone at Starfleet really knew Jim then she'd be out faster than you could say discharge.

"Thank you."

Her mom cut the transmission and Jim still felt a sense of foreboding but she pushed it away. Since Bones had Ella, she needed to work out the tension this caused. Dealing with Winona brought back memories she thought she'd buried long ago. She grabbed her sweats and headed out to the gym.

She was glad that the gym was abandoned when she went in. It was late in the evening and most of the campus was out enjoying the Saturday nightlife. She walked up to the punching bag after doing her stretches and let everything out. Punch after punch, kick after kick she let them fly. Her knuckles were bruised and bleeding and her legs ached from their assault on the bag. She was breathing heavily and was covered in a sheen of sweat when she heard the door open. She kept at it, punching the bag with her fists until she heard the footsteps behind her.

"Nice, Kirk. Really nice."

She spun around, her arms in a defensive posture to see Finnegan standing directly behind her, his arms crossed and his eyes lingering on her body.

"What do you want, Finnegan?" She snarled.

She was getting tired of him. He smirked at her and walked closer to her.

"I was just admiring the view." Gross. "Where's your boyfriend, Mitchell? Or...is it McCoy now?"

God, she wanted to punch him but she couldn't afford the demerits.

"They're not my boyfriends. Gary's just a friend and Dr. McCoy is also just a friend." _Sadly_. She added mentally.

His smile widened and it made her tense further.

"That's because they're not man enough to handle you. I am." He leered.

Jim rolled her eyes. Not this again. This was all she needed to top off an already crappy day. She'd had a fight with Bones, was in the news, dealt with Winona and Finnegan just plain creeped her out. Every chance he got, he would grope her or harass her in some way. It was never ending.

"Oh _my god_! Do you even _hear_ yourself? You're pathetic!" She replied with as much disgust in her voice as she could manage. An ugly look of rage twisted Finnegan's face. He uncrossed his arm and he matched Jim's stance.

"I'd suggest you take that back, James." He growled.

Jim had to resist the urge to wave her hands mockingly with her words like a teenager would but she managed. Bones would be proud.

"_Ooh_. Or what?"

He pointed a finger at her.

"You're going to regret turning me down. _Nobody_ turns me down."

Jim scoffed.

"Yeah? Well, looky here. Here's me...rejecting you!" She pointed to herself and him with her statement and stormed off to the lockers to have a shower and she knew she wanted to go out, get drunk and for once, be irresponsible.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Hi everyone! Sorry it's taken so long to update. I want to say a huge Thank You to everyone's kind thoughts and words. Also, thank you for being so understanding and patient. My daughter is slowly doing better. She was classified as well enough to start back with her physical therapy and normal activities.

I hope this chapter was worth the wait! As always, I adore hearing from everyone and ideas are always welcome!

Tishbing

Chapter Fourteen

McCoy watched in horror as Jim's eyes widened in fear and pain before she fled his dorm. He tried to stop her, to tell her that he cared about her no matter what. She was his best friend, the mother of his child and that he would accept every part of her if she'd just _let him in_. He let hand fall to his side in a fist. _Damn it, Jim._ Why did she have to be so goddamn stubborn? Did she think that little of him? That he'd run away? He had a general idea of her past through her records and then the one time she she talked over Thanksgiving. He needed her to tell him, though. She constantly held him at arm's distance and no matter what he did, she still didn't respond.

He could read most of her signs. He could tell when she was lying, the way her eyes slid over and to the left and her ears turned red. He could see when she was excited by the way her hands twitched and she practically vibrated, bouncing on the balls of her feet. When she was happy, her eyes practically glowed and her smile was all encompassing. When she was hiding things...now that was a frequent one. She would bite her lip, a slight frown causing a line to appear in-between her eyebrows and her lips would have a slight downturn. That look was a frequent one. Any time he talked about the past, that look would appear and she would shut down and become more tight lipped than an aldebarean shellmouth.

He wanted to follow her but his responsibilities to Ella tethered him. He was angry at Jim but at the same time he wanted to help her. He picked up the crying child who's cries turned to muffled sobs as she snuffled wetly into his shoulder. He rubbed her back until she slowly fell asleep and he was able to put her in the crib.

He stood and paced, thinking furiously about what to do. How to handle this. Clearly something had happened. The article was just part of it. He thought back to their discussion. She had found out about the article...from Pike! He swiftly moved to his computer terminal and typed in the comm code for Pike but received no answer at his office. He nearly punched the terminal in his frustration when his eyes landed on the floor. He spied Jim's personal communicator.

It meant two things to him. One, Jim didn't want to be found and that worried him and two, he now had access to Pike's handheld number. He flipped it open and scrolled through the contacts pausing at Uhura's name. First things first, he commed Uhura.

_"Uhura here."_

"It's McCoy. Ny, can you possibly watch Ella tonight?"

A pause.

_"Why? Are you going out with Nancy again?"_

He rolled his eyes.

"No. Just do this for me?" He pleaded.

_"Wait a minute...why do you have Kirk's comm?"_

He sighed and gripped the device tighter.

"She left it here earlier. Something happened and she left upset. I'm...worried. I need to find her."

_"Alright. But you owe me."_

McCoy could have cried in relief.

"Thanks. I'll see you in a bit."

He closed the line, thankful that he had Ella situated. Now for Jim. He scrolled to Pike's number and hit the call button. On the third ring, he answered.

_"Pike here."_

"It's McCoy. Jim left here pretty upset and won't tell me why. I'm worried."

A pause.

_"I figured she'd do that. Are you going to go after her?"_

McCoy had to bite his retort, remembering that even though he was talking to Jim's friend, he was also a commanding officer.

"Of course I am! I just need an idea of what's going on. I do know it wasn't just the article that set her off."

_"No. It wasn't but that's something for her to tell you. If my suspicions are correct, she'll be trying her damnedest to do something stupid."_

McCoy gripped the communicator tighter in frustration Pike's words. He already knew this.

_"I don't know the whole story so I can't tell you what I don't know."_

The unspoken "and I wouldn't tell you if I knew" hung in the air. Pike continued while McCoy pulled on his boots one-handed.

_"Her mother's been trying to contact her. I doubt it's to congratulate her on her career choice."_

McCoy snorted in disbelief. He knew from personal experience how difficult mothers could be but clearly there was more to Jim's relationship with her mother than met the eye.

"Thank you, sir."

_"Good luck, Doctor."_

He shut the device with a click and was relieved when he heard the chime of his door. He quickly released the lock to see a very irritated Uhura on the other side holding an overnight bag. He pulled on his leather jacket and tucked his and Jim's comms in his pockets. Uhura was settling herself on his couch and pulling out a large leather bound book. It was in Vulcan if he could trust his eyes.

"Thanks, Ny. I just have a bad feeling about Jim going off on her own when she's as upset as she was."

Uhura breathed a deep sigh, her brow furrowed as she looked at him.

"Leonard, she might just need space and..." Uhura looked distinctly uncomfortable with what she was going to say next but she quickly got over it. "Don't you think that it looks a little suspicious?"

McCoy was taken aback by her statement. He paused in his rifling through his drawers for his ID.

"Suspicious?" He asked.

"Yeah. Don't you think that Nancy will get upset?" She tried to explain and McCoy felt a surge if irritation at Nyota's insinuation.

Nancy was a nice girl and they had tried a few dates after the fated Christmas party but he didn't think it'd work out. Maybe if Jim had never been in his life then they would have worked out but he had consistently found himself subconsciously comparing her to Jim. Whereas Jim was pulling away, Nancy was pulling him closer with an iron grip. It should have been everything he wanted. An open and honest girl willing to share her past with him unlike Jim but it only frustrated him. Jim had even taken to throwing Nancy and him together at every opportunity and it just served to cause him to want to shove Nancy further away.

Jim had had valid points in trying to get them together. They worked in the same field, she wanted a family, she was emotionally available, she was stable, attractive...the list went on and on but the simple fact was that she wasn't Jim. Though Jim had her faults she was what he wanted. Jim had this ridiculous idea that he wanted the white picket fence, the two point five children, the dog and wife at home but no matter what he said it didn't stick. He had had that with Jocelyn and it hadn't worked. Just like Jim wasn't the type for a normal life neither was she and standing there, holding his ID chip about to run after the one woman who drove him crazy with her unavailability and her stubbornness was when it hit him. He loved her. She was the one who he was supposed to follow anywhere and be beside.

"I don't give a damn what Nancy has to think about my motivations." He snapped and was surprised when Uhura smiled knowingly at him. He didn't say anything further and went off in search of Jim.

He tried everywhere on campus for Jim before moving on to the local night life that was just starting as the sun went down. His only hint of where she had been had been when he had run into Gary Mitchell. He had seen her leaving the gym several hours ago and was clearly still upset. Mitchell had said that she hadn't even responded to his shouts to attempt to gain her attention.

After the third bar search turned up fruitless he was starting to get worried and irritated. He was a doctor not a damn bloodhound. He decided to change tactics and went into the establishments not normally frequented by cadets. His hunch was proven right on his first attempt. He walked in and immediately spotted Kirk. She was standing at the crowded bar in tight jeans and a tight plain t-shirt with a pair of black boots. Her hair was in a loose ponytail and she looked like anyone else, almost like she was trying to hide in anonymity. Trying being the operative word. He saw that there were very few women in the bar and as a result quite a few men were watching her but not approaching her. Maybe it was the angry vibes that she was sending off. She downed the rest of her beer and was turning to leave the bar when the bartender called her back. He slid a glass in front of her with another drink and Jim's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He watched as she said something to the man behind the bar who shrugged and indicated the crowded corner at the back of the room. McCoy couldn't see who was there and was pretty sure Jim couldn't either but she just shrugged, smiled slightly and sat back down but not touching the drink.

McCoy moved through the throng of people and sat on the stool next to Jim. She turned and upon seeing him frowned.

"What are you doing here?" She ground out.

McCoy took the glass in front of her and held it. He wanted her to be sober to talk to him.

"I wanted to talk to you but you left before I could say anything." He started. Jim rolled her eyes and put a hand up to signal another round from the bartender who supplied Jim with another beer. McCoy sipped his pilfered drink and waited a moment.

"What?" She asked around the rim of her drink.

"I think this would be better done at home." He hedged. Jim shrugged and put down her drink. McCoy shook his head. It had clearly been a while since he'd had a drink if one was making him fuzzy. He waited while Jim paid for her drink and she stomped out with McCoy following her.

Once outside Jim started walking quicker and he found he was struggling to keep up, his thoughts becoming sluggish. They were walking across a park when Jim suddenly whirled around, her posture tight.

"Why are you here?" She hissed.

McCoy was shaking his head which Jim must have taken as a no rather than him just trying to clear his thoughts.

"I just for _once_ wanted to go out, have..." She threw up her hands and looked up at the darkening sky, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

"Look...I'm sorry, Bones. I don't want you to get involved! I've dragged your life off course enough-"

McCoy pulled on his reserves, his irritation giving him a boost, and gripped Jim's arms hard and pulled her to him, chest to chest. Her face flushed and she tried to push away but he held her tighter.

"Bones!" She weakly tried to pull away again and that's what he had hoped for. He knew that Jim could easily have been able to best him in hand to hand if she really wanted to get away.

"Jim, you are a goddamn idiot!"

"If that's your way to woo a girl, you really have a way with words."

He gripped her tighter and looked into her eyes, they were dilated and her breathing was quicker with fear and excitement. Her hands spasmed where they were pressed against his chest and that was when he knew. He wrapped a hand around the back of her head and tugged her to him. A muffled protest was the only sound before he roughly pressed his lips to hers in a desperate kiss. She stiffened in his arms before sighing and wrapping her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

When he finally pulled away their foreheads were pressed together, both of them breathing heavily. Her breath mingling with his as they held each other.

"Jim, I don't care about your past. It's you I care about. I just want to help you and be there for you but I can't do that if you don't let me in." He pulled back and put a hand on her cheek to brush the hair that had fallen into her face. "I love you."

He could see the edges of his vision darkening and his legs started to wobble. Something wasn't right. He saw Jim's face contort in worry and her mouth moved but he couldn't hear the words before he started to fall with the darkness taking over.

Jim saw Bones' eyes roll back and he fell. She quickly clutched at him to stop his head from hitting the ground.

"BONES!"

She started shaking as as she laid him down. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. She looked around for help and couldn't find anyone. She frantically reached into her pockets for her comm when she realized she had left it at McCoy's place. Jim stopped to think before almost slapping herself for her stupidity and dug in Bones' pockets. He had her and his comms. She flipped open the device with shaking hands and called for an ambulance, her thoughts jumbled and panicked at seeing Bones on the ground.

It's three in the morning before she hears anything. Her head is in her hands and she doesn't know what is going on. The doctors won't tell her what happened to McCoy and her thoughts strayed to what he said to her before he collapsed. He loved her? How could someone like him love her? Was it some sort of breakdown? What was he even doing there when she had left him at home with their daughter? She gripped her hair tighter and let the pain focus her, force her to not cry in frustration and worry.

"Miss Kirk?" A quiet woman's voice broke through her thoughts and she lifted her head.

"Yes?" She asked.

A civilian police officer took the seat next to her in the plastic waiting chairs that she had been stuck to in Starfleet medical. The woman had curly black hair and very kind dark eyes that seemed to suck her in.

"I'm officer Kestra Elbrun. I talked with the doctor and he assured me that your friend is going to be alright but I just need to clarify a few things."

Jim let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding and tried to relax but she didn't understand what a police officer was doing here. She swallowed thickly and nodded. Officer Elbrun pulled out a small PADD and typed with her stylus.

"You said that you were at the Last Call Bar and about to leave when someone bought you a drink?" She started. Jim nodded to confirm.

"And that was when your friend, Leonard McCoy came over?"

Jim frowned and rubbed her forehead, the adrenalin draining, her shaking becoming a lot worse.

"Yeah. He grabbed my drink and so I ordered a fresh one and we talked for a bit before we left and on the way home he collapsed. Why?" She needed to see for herself that Leonard was okay.

The policewoman typed something and looked at Jim again.

"Did he drink your drink?" Jim nodded again, a sick feeling worming it's way into her stomach.

"Did you see who purchased it?" She asked and Jim thought hard. The bar had been so crowded that she hadn't seen who it had been. Her thoughts flashed to Finnegan and his threat earlier. That drink had been meant for her and because she had been stupid McCoy had been hurt. She shook her head no. The officer typed in her response. Jim spoke up, the knowledge of what was being said hitting her hard.

"There was something in that drink, right? Something that was meant for me?" She supplied.

The woman put down her PADD and reached over, laying a hand on Jim's arm gently, her eyes sympathetic. Her heart started to thump and her mouth became dry as the realization hit her. Had Bones not come looking for her...

"Yes. The doctors found traces of flunitrazepam in Mr. McCoy's blood. It's a central nervous system depressant that acts as a sedative. It causes sedation, acts as a muscle relaxant, causes memory problems. It's a common drug used in cases like this. A date-rape drug. You don't normally go out? Is there a possibility that there was someone who wanted to hurt yourself or your friend?" Elbrun asked carefully.

Jim started to shake her head thinking that it was random when Finnegan's words came back other._ "You're going to regret turning me down. Nobody turns me down."_

His features had been twisted into an ugly grimace and there had been a promise in his empty blue eyes. She had thought he was all talk, that she could handle him and she had dealt with jerks like him. Maybe it was time to finally tell someone about him. The fact that people were getting hurt in his rampage...

"There's been another cadet-he's been-uh-bothering me for some time. His name's Sean Finnegan. He threatened me before I went out because I wouldn't go out with him but I didn't see him there. I don't know if he would have gone to that extreme. He's just a bully but-"

Officer Elbrun put up a hand to stop her rambling and put her hand on Jim's giving them a squeeze. Jim felt her eyes beginning to burn with tears and she tried to blink them away.

"Miss Kirk, every person is a suspect. I'll look into it and let you know but in cases like this it's hard to find the culprit with as little evidence as we have. The bartender couldn't remember who ordered the drink because of how busy the bar was and the security cameras weren't functional but I'll try my best to get this predator off the streets. In the meantime be careful."

One final squeeze and the officer left. Jim wiped her face angrily and sniffed to try and look presentable. She saw Nora, the large nurse from her first visit, walking over. Jim squared her shoulders and stood to meet her.

"Is Bo-Dr. McCoy alright?" Jim asked.

The larger woman wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back past the large double doors to the emergency department. She walked past the multitude of biobeds to the private rooms where Nora paused.

"We were able to flush the drug from his system and there may be some memory loss from the evening but he'll be fine. He'll probably have a minor headache and be tired but he'll be fine. He'll need someone to watch him tomorrow..." The implied request was there and Jim quickly accepted.

"Of course but you're releasing him _now_?" Jim was surprised. If it had been her, McCoy would have kept her stuck here longer. Jim heard muffled shouting coming from the room.

**"Goddamnit! Where the hell are my clothes? Nora!"**

McCoy's voice rang out and Nora sighed and rolled her eyes, thumbing the key to open the door to a very red faced McCoy who had a blanket around his waist and a backless gown on. He saw Jim and Nora. He nearly dropped the blanket from his hips and he looked like he wanted to run over to her but the moment was over quickly as he turned to the nurse next to Jim.

"I can't believe you put me in one of these ridiculous damn gowns, like I'm a patient!" He growled with as much vitriol as he could manage while he was half dressed. Nora just smirked and walked over to the cabinet to pull out a pair of scrubs for him and pick up his sneakers from the floor. He took them one handed and pulled a curtain around himself so he could change.

"Alright Jim, here's Leonard's discharge instructions. The memory loss may be temporary and he'll need to take it easy for the rest of the day. Lots of rest and fluids to flush the remainder of the drug from his system." Nora pulled up McCoy's file and transferred a copy to Jim's comm. She paid close attention and Nora seemed satisfied at her level of attention. Nora looked closer at Jim's pale face and pulled her into a rough hug.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"Yeah. Just shaken up." Jim admitted.

"You able to handle him? We could admit him for observation if you're not sure." Jim shook her head but a sharp voice behind her made both women jump.

"You damn well won't! I don't need a babysitter." He snapped. Jim smiled at the sight. If he was this grumpy then he was alright.

"Oh Bones, you're turning down pretty nurses for me? How romantic!" Jim quipped in an effort to ratchet down the tension. McCoy rolled his eyes, grunted his displeasure and left the room with a final glare at Nora who smiled sweetly back and shouted 'You're Welcome!' to his retreating form. He threw a wave over his shoulder to which Nora snorted a laugh and shook her head.

"Is he always like this with you guys?" Jim asked.

"Oh yes. If he was calm and sweet I'd be more worried." She smiled but turned serious. "He was really worried about you. He knows that this was meant for you and..." She shook herself and put a hand on Jim's shoulder.

"It was a large dose. He should be fine by tomorrow to be able to go back to classes Monday morning. He's not going to like being weak so...good luck taking care of him."

Jim grimaced a smile and left Nora with a hurried thanks to see Bones standing at the entrance. He must have found his jacket and he was pale. She quickened her pace and put an arm around his waist to steady him to the shuttle stops. While they waited for their ride back he took to looking Jim over.

"We need to get you to bed. You look ready to keel over." His gruff analysis caused a shaky laugh to erupt from her.

"Are you serious? Come on Bones. I'm in charge." She manhandled him into a waiting shuttle back to the academy. His strength was not up to fighting her and he let her continue to pull the shots all the way back to her dorm where she sent a quick reply to Uhura's messages on McCoy's comm.

McCoy sat heavily on her couch and Jim went to her kitchenette to get some tea from the replicator for them.

"Sit down before you fall down, Jim." He snapped from the couch.

Jim brought the steaming mugs over and handed one to Bones who took it. He was watching her closely and she met his gaze with equal fervor.

"Do you...uh...remember what happened?" She asked, wondering if he remembered his kiss or confession. He shook his head with a frown. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed. Maybe it had been a product of the drug making him say those things. Her heart clenched and she squeezed the mug, trying to draw warmth from the ceramic to help her ground herself.

"I remember going to get you to try and drag your stubborn ass back to talk to me. I was worried and as you can see..." He waved a hand between them. "...I had good reason to be."

He put the mug down on the coffee table with a small bang and ran a hand through his short hair with a sigh.

"Dammit Jim. This could have been you and I don't even want to think what could have happened if I hadn't been there."

His face looked so sad and worried that Jim hesitated in telling him her suspicions. He looked scared enough that she didn't want to add to it. The authorities knew.

"But you _were_ there. I'm _fine_ and thank god you are too." She stated emphatically.

She stood up and pulled on his arm.

"Come on. Time for bed." She ordered and he looked like he swallowed a lemon at her bossing him around.

"We _are_ talking in the morning." He stated and Jim agreed pushing him to the spare bed in Ella's room just to get him to go to bed.

"If you feel up to it. We'll see." She placated.

Bones just glared before rolling over and falling asleep almost instantly. Jim watched him for a moment and pulled the covers over his shoulders. She wondered again if he had really meant what he had said. She didn't want to say something and it be awkward if it had been just the drug that had been influencing him. She'd see how he felt tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: hi! Well, I was gonna draw out Finnegan's evil tirade but I figured I'd up the crazy a bit. Do you want him to be figured out sooner or later? Do you think Jim should come clean about her past yet or tell McCoy about Finnegan terrorizing her? Or should Finnegan have another chance at Kirk before getting caught? Ideas and wishes of my readers are always welcome!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Fifteen

Jim jerked awake from her position on the couch when she heard her door chime ring. She rolled her shoulders as she got up trying to loosen the tense knot in her neck as she stood and went to the door. She had been up the rest of the night, not trusting the doctor's evaluation of McCoy and had been checking on him constantly to be sure he was fine. The bright February sunlight streaming into her living room indicated it must be mid morning and she realized she must have fallen asleep about an hour ago.

She pressed the release mechanism on the door and saw a very tired Uhura holding a very alert Ella who was wriggling in her grasp. Jim immediately shrugged off her tiredness and pulled her smile onto her face, making sure to beam at the darker woman.

"Fancy meeting you here? Two beautiful ladies on my doorstep. I am a lucky woman." She winked while Uhura scowled and thrust the happy child at her.

"Mama! Mama!" Ella squealed and began pulling at Jim's academy sweater trying to pull closer. Jim pressed a kiss to the child's brown hair and hugged her tightly. She quickly turned serious and stroked her daughter's hair.

"Hey, sweetie. I love you." She murmured and hugged her tighter before turning to Uhura and stepping back to let her in. They moved to the kitchenette where Jim flipped the switch on her coffee maker. She hefted the child on her hip and leaned against the counter.

"Hey. Thanks for looking after her last night." She said seriously and Uhura just shrugged tiredly and her eyes slid over to the closed door of Ella's room, a sad, worried expression on her face.

"Is he ok?"

"Yeah." She put Ella on the ground and proceeded to pour both of them a cup of coffee. They sipped the bitter brew in silence before Uhura spoke again.

"He was really worried about you." She said slowly, watching Jim intently for some sort of signal that Jim didn't want to think about.

"Yeah."

Uhura seemed to be waiting for more.

"He's a good friend." Jim supplied and Uhura frowned slightly. Clearly not what she had been hoping for but she wasn't sure what to say.

"Are you _sure_ that's all he is?" She hedged and Jim snorted, rolling her eyes.

"_Yes_. He's with Nancy. I'm not a poacher and she really cares about him." She felt uncomfortable discussing this with Bones in the next room and tried to steer the conversation away only to have Uhura steer it right back.

"Nancy called a little while ago. She was pretty upset that she wasn't called." She said tentatively and Jim snorted into her mug.

"Well, the next time he gets drugged I'll be sure to call her to play Florence Nightingale." She snapped and put her mug on the counter when Ella started pulling herself up on Jim's legs to try and stand. She carefully held the tiny hands to help her stay steady on her feet. She tried to focus on the tiny feet that were lifting and lowering but dark thoughts kept intruding and she could feel Uhura's gaze on her.

"What?" She bit out and the other woman knelt down to be at Jim and Ella's eye level. She let out a sigh and gave Jim an almost pitying look.

"If he was only a friend then he would have let you be, not been pushing for more and if you consider him to be only a friend then you sure wouldn't have stayed up all night watching him when he was safely released from medical." She countered. Jim swallowed her retort when she noticed Ella's movements became purposeful rather than the experimental lifting and kicking. She lurched forward towards Uhura.

"Oh my god! Her first steps!" Jim squealed. She reluctantly let go of Ella's hands and held them protectively around her waist to prevent her falling as the child teetered and moved slowly to Uhura. Uhura gasped and beamed as Ella reached out and landed in her arms. Jim laughed, their current discussion pushed to the back of her mind at this new development.

"I'll be right back! I have to get Bones!" She practically shouted and rushed across the room to get to Bones. She went to the bed and roughly started shaking the lump.

"Bones. Bones! You have to get up!" A muffled moan and half-hearted swat that Jim easily dodged and she started pushing at him again. "You have to see this! It's Ella!" Those words had the magic effect and he jolted out of bed, a wild look in his eyes that was magnified by his hair sticking up in every direction. Before Jim could say another word he had run across the room and into the living room in a blind panic causing Jim to have to chase after him. He stopped suddenly and without warning and she ran right into his back.

Uhura was trailing behind Ella, hands held out protectively as she teetered on unsure steps. Kirk slipped around him to his side and watch him as his panic ebbed and took on a much happier expression.

"She's walking?" His voice was rough from sleep and a smile cracked his face. Ella heard him and her head snapped up to see him, her vibrant blue eyes lighting up and she giggled.

"Dada!" Her hands made grabbing motions and she tried to turn to him but promptly wobbled and fell on her butt, the blow softened by Uhura's hands on her sides. Ella looked around, eyes wide and her bottom lip trembling when she settled on her father. McCoy was there in an instant, dropping to his knees with a bone-jarring thud and scooping up the child who started crying at the attention.

McCoy held her tight and rubbed her back, saying soothing words but everyone could see he was beaming rather than concerned for Ella. He pulled Ella away and held her at arm's length with a proud smile.

"Look at you! Walking like a big girl!" He exclaimed.

The moment was ruined when her door chimed signaling another visitor. Jim walked to the door, her eyes firmly fixed on Bones and her daughter on the floor. He just looked so _right_ there. His hair was messy and he needed a shave making him look scruffy but he was happy and Ella squealed excitedly at her father's attentions now that she realized she wasn't hurt. His happiness only made him look more handsome. It took a huge effort to tear herself away from the sight and she eventually opened the door to a haughty and concerned looking Nancy. Her green eyes flashing with anger when she saw Jim.

McCoy didn't see Nancy, being too focused on his daughter and Nancy used that to her advantage to pull Jim into the hallway.

"Just what do you think you're playing at, Kirk?" She hissed. She put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot in an annoying rhythm. Jim resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'm not _playing_ at anything. I don't know what you're talking about." Jim met her glare evenly and leaned her back on the wall.

"He's _my_ boyfriend. _I_ should have been called to take care of him." She vehemently pointed at herself and Jim frowned. Even though Nancy was right that statement still stung.

"And just what the hell was he doing out with you?" She grit her teeth and her body went tense. "It's your fault he got hurt. He had no business being there." She practically snarled and Jim clenched her jaw and took a deep breath.

"Look Nancy, I didn't ask him to come out after me. I would never try to come between you two." Jim raised her hands to try and placate the incensed woman but to no avail. It just seemed to send her into more of a frenzy. She laughed almost hysterically.

"Oh right! Because you're _so_ innocent!" She moved into Jim's personal space and jabbed her forefinger into Jim's chest. "He had no business being there...with _you_!" She punctuated her last words with a harsh stab of her finger and stepped back, Nancy's face was flushed and she was still angry but she smoothed her hair and stomped around Jim, entering her apartment without asking. Jim had to take a moment to collect herself before she followed at a much more sedate pace.

"Oh, _Lenny_! I heard and I was so worried about you!" Nancy flung herself into a very surprised Leonard McCoy's arms almost knocking him into Ella who was right next to him. Fortunately, Uhura pulled the startled baby away before she was knocked over.

"Uh..." McCoy managed before she pressed a kiss to him, Nancy's eyes still open and glaring at Jim as if she was staking a claim. Jim shot an incredulous look at Nancy and mouthed _what the fuck?_ to Uhura who was watching the scene unfold with her mouth hanging open.

Jim and Uhura moved to the small kitchenette with Ella in tow to give the couple some privacy. Jim was pissed. She was mad about the little display and mad at Nancy basically bowling over a baby to fight for McCoy's attention and she was really pissed that it wasn't her kissing him. She shoved these thoughts as far down as she could and pushed Bones' confession from last night down just as deep. She tried to make some noise to drown out her thoughts and McCoy's voice but her hands were shaking with suppressed rage and she dropped a mug, shattering it across the tile.

"_Damn_." She grumbled. Uhura carefully stepped around the mess and placed Ella in her highchair and returned with a dustpan and broom to help clean up the mess.

"Is everything ok in there?" McCoy's voice rang out. Jim jumped up and stepped to the entryway.

"Yeah. Fine, Bones. Just dropped a mug." She said in a falsely cheery voice that quickly morphed into a stifled curse as she stepped on a piece of ceramic.

"_Shit!_" She grabbed her foot and fell to her butt.

"Kirk? You ok?" Uhura quickly procured a towel and pressed it to her foot. She hissed through her teeth at the discomfort.

"Yeah." Jim shook her head and laughed hollowly, wrapping her foot more securely while the other woman quickly cleared the mess.

"I just realized that I really hate Nancy." She grumbled and Uhura started to laugh. Jim looked up surprised.

"_What?_" Jim asked, annoyed now at Uhura's laughter.

"You just realized that?" She asked with a smirk and sat down next to Jim who bumped her shoulder in a friendly gesture. Jim huffed a small laugh and looked down.

"I also think I love Bones." She whispered. Uhura wrapped an arm around her and squeezed.

"I know you do and..." Uhura laughed again. "...you _just _realized that?" She repeated with a smile. Jim shoved her playfully with her free hand.

"Shut up." She laughed and Uhura smiled. Jim smiled as well but quickly grew serious.

"Do you think you can get the first aid kit from the bathroom?" The towel covering her foot was steadily getting redder. Uhura stood up and nodded but Jim stopped her before she left.

"Do _not_ let him see you." She whispered harshly.

She watched the other woman leave and leaned back against the counter, closing her eyes to think about what she had just stupidly confessed. Uhura was never going to let it go now that she had said something. She couldn't let Bones know since he was still with Nancy. What he said last night had probably been a result of the drug. Even if they got together there was no guarantee they could stay together. It was rare for couples to be posted on the same assignment and with Bones' abysmal scores in combat training and basic shuttle piloting there'd be almost no chance he'd be on a ship like Jim. He was destined to be dirtside.

"Jim?" McCoy's voice carried from the living room and Jim flinched, quickly tucking her injured foot under her and looking up as he entered. She plastered on her most innocent smile and he walked in red-faced with a slightly irritated Nancy on his heels.

"I need to head back to...what are you doing on the floor?" McCoy tilted his head and it was hard for Jim to not compare him with a curious puppy but the way Nancy was standing behind him did kind of make the comparison more real.

"Nothing. Uhura and I were talking and since you were busy in the living room we were hanging out here. I just didn't want to bother you." Jim smiled almost manically and both McCoy and Nancy narrowed their eyes at her. Whereas McCoy's looked more concerned, Nancy's looked downright threatening. Jim needed to cut that off right now.

"Anyway, what were you saying?" Jim asked innocently.

McCoy shook his head. "I was just saying I need to head back to my quarters. Nancy and I need a moment alone."

_Ouch._ That kind of hurt. Nancy looked smug behind Bones' back and Jim really wanted to punch her.

"Sure but you're _supposed_ to be resting." She reminded him. He nodded and gave Jim a calculating look.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine. I'll see you later." She needed him to leave. She didn't want to talk about what he wanted to talk about, she wanted to kill Nancy...well, at least punch her and she could feel her pant leg getting wet from her foot.

"She said she's _fine_." Nancy snapped.

McCoy turned and frowned at the woman but eventually started to follow. When Jim heard the whoosh of the doors she breathed a sigh of relief and pulled her foot out from under her with a hiss.

"Kirk? They're gone?"

"Yeah."

Uhura came by and helped her patch up her foot silently, a look of disappointment on her face. Jim tolerated it until her third tch.

"_What?_" She snapped.

Jim finished wrapping her foot in a thin layer of gauze. Even though the regen sealed the cut it was still sensitive. Uhura rolled her eyes and helped pull her up.

"Why didn't you say anything to him?"

"Like what?"

"Oh...I don't know. Like you hate Nancy and you want him for yourself because you like him, maybe even _love_ him?" She said with unveiled sarcasm.

Jim snorted. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. It's beneath you, Uhura."

They moved to the dining table and Jim released Ella who promptly curled up and held on to her. The weight was comforting and helped ground her against her thoughts.

McCoy walked into his quarters with Nancy following. His head was still pounding from the drug last night and he was pretty overwhelmed with everything that had happened. He couldn't believe it. His little girl was walking and he had seen it! He had missed JoJo's steps because he had been so focused on finding a cure for his father.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

He was frustrated at Nancy barging in like that. He didn't miss the fact that she had nearly bowled over Ella and her little hallway chat with Jim was pretty obvious. He hadn't heard what they had said but he could hazard a guess. He was also really mad that he couldn't remember last night. It was slowly coming back to him but it was like a fog was between him and the memories. Every time he'd reach out to grasp it it'd move further away. He couldn't shake the suspicion that there was something he needed to remember. That it was important.

He shifted and let Nancy in, gesturing to his couch where she sat down with a smile and he joined her. Her behavior towards Ella lately had been cold and that alone was reason to not continue their relationship. He also couldn't take the jealous behavior every time he mentioned his friends, mostly Jim.

"Nancy. We have to talk." He put a hand on hers and she perked up.

"Yes, Lenny?" She said breathlessly. He struggled to not cringe at the nickname.

"Things have been strained for a while between us." He started and Nancy's face fell.

"I think we're in different places."

Her fingers clutched at her knees and her vivid green eyes darkened.

"It's not you, it's me." He continued and she abruptly stood, her face twisting in anger.

"No. It's not _you_! It's _her_." She snarled. She started pacing and clenching her fists.

"It's always her! Oh, Jim recommended this restaurant. Oh, Jim recommended this picnic area. Oh, Jim this and Jim that! I'm tired of hearing about her." She stormed to his door and whirled on her feet. "She's not that special! You even told me that she won't talk to you. _Screw you!_" She spat and left before he could say another word.

"Well that could have gone better." He grumbled.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jim took to avoiding him again and it was frustrating him. Their only conversations were revolving around Ella's first birthday party. Catherine was coming to San Francisco and he was nervous about meeting her. From their few conversations, he'd found the woman to be as formidable as his own mother. Her opinions were often sharp and intuitive. It was always amusing to watch her go at Jim when she called and he happened to be there.

"Doctor? We have a young man here. He was sent to us by his hand-to-hand instructor." Nora stuck her head around his office doorframe. He nodded and picked up his PADD to pull up the chart.

McCoy quickly walked down the clinic hall and was still looking at the admit information when he arrived at his patient.

"Ah, Mr. Finnegan. And what brings you to us today?" He looked up and saw a blonde cadet reclining on the biobed with a black eye and a smile.

"Nothing really doc. The TA got a little enthusiastic when I got her in a hold." He laughed and shrugged. Leonard knew there was only one female that was a hand-to-hand TA and he was surprised that Jim would actually lose focus enough to cause harm to a student.

"Hmm..." He ran his scanner over the injury while the young man smirked.

"She's a real firecracker. Nice rack, even nicer behind...I'm looking forward to hitting that-_ouch_! Watch what you're doing!" McCoy pressed the deep tissue regenerator a little too hard at those words.

"I'm sorry. My hand slipped. My grip must have slipped." He said curtly.

He sped up the repair to get rid of the kid and his PADD beeped with a message. He glanced down at the screen and put up a finger to forestall Finnegan leaving.

**J Kirk to L McCoy**

**Hey Bones! Can you pick up Ella tonight? I need to practice my shuttle flight sim and I'll be late. Probably around 11. My orbital maneuvers need some work if I'm to be successful to be able to try for the flight squad next year. I owe you big!**

**JTK**

McCoy rolled his eyes. Of course Jim would do this! This was the third time he'd tried to talk to her. He quickly typed out his reply, stabbing the screen a little harder than he should.

**L McCoy to J Kirk**

**Sure Jim. I'll see you tomorrow morning in the mess. We're still going to need talk though.**

**LHM**

McCoy put the PADD on the tray next to the bed and went to pick up his scanner to check his work on Finnegan but it was gone. He looked around the room.

"Everything alright, Doctor?" Finnegan asked. McCoy shook his head and his brow furrowed in confusion. He _never_ lost anything before.

"Hmm...my medical tricorder's missing. I'll be right back."

He went to storage and signed out a replacement to finish the cadet's treatment only to find he'd left and his original tricorder next to his PADD on the biobed. He scowled at that and shrugged. That was weird but he had other jobs to do. He closed his message screen and typed up Finnegan's visit notes.

This standoff with Jim needed to end. He pulled up another message screen.

**L McCoy to Gaila Vro**

**You busy tonight?**

His PADD buzzed immediately causing McCoy's eyebrows to shoot up to his hairline.

**Gaila Vro to L McCoy**

**Depends. Uhura said you have a stash of Ghirardelli chocolates.**

McCoy snorted and typed his reply.

**L McCoy to Gaila Vro**

**They're yours. I need to talk to Jim and she's avoiding me. She's claiming to need to redo her orbital maneuvers in the shuttle sim. I plan on ambushing her to get her to talk to me. You in?**

**Gaila Vro to L McCoy**

**Of course! She's been driving me and Uhura crazy. There's only so much studying we can take. She doesn't even need to!**

**L McCoy to Gaila Vro**

**Thanks.**

McCoy smirked to himself. This time Jim would have to talk to him.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kirk walked to the shuttle Sim Lab on the east campus, her messenger bag laden with her materials. She needed her sim to be perfect. She was scheduled to do her first solo flight in two weeks for this semester's final. She knew it was cowardly to schedule it when she was supposed to meet with Bones but he'd started pressuring her to talk to him about that night and about her past. She didn't want to embarrass him or herself if she told him what he'd said to her and he didn't mean it. She also didn't want his pity over her past. She'd lived through it once. She didn't want to live it again.

Jim passed through the doors and typed in her access code to Sim Room Three and was about to put down her bag when she was grabbed from behind. She kicked back and felt a sharp prick to her neck.

"Hello, James. I told you nobody says no to me."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: this chapter contains an attempted rape and discussions of past rape and torture and neglect. Warnings for potentially triggery material. **

**As always, I appreciate reviews and I hope this chapter lives up to expectations. **

**Tishbing**

Chapter Sixteen

Jim felt the effects of the drug quickly. Her legs wobbled and gave out. Her arms failed to follow the commands her mind was practically screaming at them. Even her breathing was strained. The man behind her laid her out on the floor and stepped around her body to where she could see him from her position on her back. She couldn't make out his face as it was covered in a knit ski mask but his voice supplied her with the answer.

"Your..._friend_ has an interesting array of knowledge on his PADD."

Jim moaned and tried to move but all she managed was a weak arm twitch before she felt the cold steel of a knife on her cheek. It stopped her as effectively as the drug pumping through her body. Her thoughts were muddled and uncoordinated but the underlying knowledge that she was scheduled for three hours in the sim room sent her heart pumping in fear.

"No no no, _James_. You see, we're going to take this nice and slow."

The flat of the blade travelled to the collar of her cadet reds and she felt him flick his wrist and the uniform started to tear under the sharp instrument.

"You see, I want to _savor_ this. I realized my mistake in the bar was that I wasn't..._direct_ enough with you."

His voice was calm and it seemed to pierce through the haze in her mind. She heard the rest of her dress rip at the word 'direct' and felt a gust of cold air hit her body. Goosebumps erupted on her flesh and she tried to move again only to have her attacker straddle her.

"Oh James, look how reactive you are." His hand brushed her hair away from her face and then moved down her neck to cup the side of her breast through the thin fabric of her bra. Jim could see his cold, blue eyes raking over her and a hardness at her hip sent a surge of adrenalin through her causing her to weakly buck. It didn't do much but cause him to moan and grind down into her.

"My second mistake was that I don't want you unconscious. I want to see it in your eyes when I take you. For you to know who exactly it is that is that broke you."

He pulled off the mask and Jim could see Finnegan's sweaty face, flushed with triumph, hovering over her. A flash of silver and she felt the right strap to her bra be cut.

"And you're not going to say a word because that little girl of yours..." The left strap was cut. "...may meet with an unfortunate end." The middle cut, exposing her top to him.

"Possibly during your survival training next month. After all, security can only do so much." He said as he laid the cold blade on her belly and pressed his mouth to her chest, sucking a bruise onto her collarbone, groaning and rutting against her. His words had an effect though. Jim started fighting and moaning, trying to coordinate her hands to get the blade, to kill him for even thinking of threatening her little girl. _You bastard!_ She thought and he laughed as his hands roamed down her sides, coming to rest on her hips. He groaned and pressed against her harder.

"Oh James, do you realize how perfect you look right now? You're practically _writhing_ under me and your eyes are just...well, let's just say they're vivid with your anger. It's beautiful." He groaned as he ground against her again and Jim struggled not to think _Not again, please God, Not again!_

"Mmph...fuu yugh." She tried to say but her tongue was heavy in her mouth and Finnegan definitely got her message from the glint in his eyes. He smiled down at her.

"No James, I think I'll be..._fucking_ you." He sat back on his heels and picked up the blade, running it up her thigh and started to cut at the last scrap of fabric when a banging caused his wrist to jerk and the knife slipped, cutting into her thigh.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

McCoy made his way across the quad and to the east campus, his feet slapping against the pavement. He had dropped Ella at Gaila and Uhura's dorm a few minutes ago and he had wanted to leave the moment he had gotten there but he held back because he didn't want to confront Jim too early otherwise she'd just skip out of her sim time and avoid him again.

He came up to the building and was glad when he stepped in. The warm air surrounded him and took the February chill from him. McCoy went to the access terminal to pull up the operator schedule and saw where Jim was. Just down the hall in Shuttle Simulation Room Three. He took his time walking to the room. The shuttle sims creeped him out. It was a large hangar-like room with a perfect replica of a standard shuttle on hydraulics, the screens inside mimicked conditions of an actual flight perfectly and his last experience on one had been disappointing to his instructors and horrifying to him. He was assigned remedial classes upon exiting his failed attempt. For someone who had always been at the top of every class in college and subsequently medical school, it had been a massive blow to his ego.

When he'd complained to Jim about it she'd turned serious.

_"Why the hell do I need to learn this crap! I'm a damn doctor not a pilot! My job is to heal people not go out like some fancy ass flyboy!" He snapped._

_Jim's gaze darkened and she shoved a PADD at him to stop his tirade._

_"You never know what you're going to encounter out there in the black. What would you do if you're on on of those shuttles and the pilot was injured or sick and not able to fly?" She ground out._

_McCoy snorted and tapped the PADD against the table._

_"I'd set it on autopilot and focus on him." _

_"And what if the autopilot is busted? You can't take that risk. It's important to cross-train, at the minimum, the basics. You think I like being stuck learning the first aid training to be a medic?"_

_She stood up and began to pace, her fists clenched and brow furrowed._

_"What if I had the same attitude? What I'm learning could save the life of one of my fellow crewmembers! Learning to pilot a shuttle is the same as learning first aid! It goes hand in hand with being able to save lives."_

_McCoy grunted and crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair and Jim sighed and flopped down in the chair again, her expression almost pleading._

_"Bones, let's try this scenario. Say we're on the ship..." She waits and he nods._

_"...and we come under attack." He nods again and she waves a hand to Ella's room. "...and there's the order to evacuate. What if Ella's on the shuttle with you or another crewmember who had the same attitude? Would you be alright with knowing that she could __**die**__ because someone didn't try to learn this skill...worse yet, because __**you**__ didn't even try to learn this skill?" _

That had hit him hard when Jim had said that. The harsh reality that not only was Jim going into space but so was their daughter and if he wanted them in his life then he was going to have to buckle up and overcome this roadblock. He'd been taking the extra courses and Jim had been enthusiastic about helping him even letting him help her with her first responder courses. Although, he could have done without the quips about her playing 'doctor' with him.

McCoy tore his thoughts away from the past and walked down the empty corridor and came to Sim Room Three. He pressed in the code to open the bay door and walked up to the "shuttle". It was still and silent. He frowned at that. The sim should be active by now. Jim had been scheduled to start thirty minutes ago. That was weird.

He walked up to the back door of the shuttle and peeked in the window. What McCoy saw sent his blood boiling and a surge of fear through him.

"Oh, God!" He saw Jim on the floor of the shuttle, almost completely naked, with a blonde man in black straddling her with a knife in his hands. She was moving weakly and her face was turned away, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes. He was frozen with fear and anger. He saw the blond man move lower and start to cut away her underwear. That was when he knew he had to move. He banged on the shuttle and started inputting his medical override code.

McCoy kept his eyes on the man as his fingers fumbled on the keypad and when the blond looked up, it hit McCoy like a freight train. Finnegan! He recognized him from when he had treated him earlier.

The door swung open and adrenalin flooded McCoy's veins. Finnegan charged at him, his blue eyes flashing with unbridled fury and McCoy swung his fist, missing the man who easily ducked his uncoordinated attack and rammed himself into McCoy's middle. He was knocked into the wall of the shuttle and his breath left him in a whoosh from the blow. He staggered to regain his footing only to see that Finnegan was gone.

He got to his feet and took another look around. _That bastard was gone!_ He quickly dropped to his knees at Jim's side. He saw a small cut on her thigh and her pupils were blown wide. Her body was covered in goosebumps and Jim's clothes were in shreds around her.

"Oh Jim. God!" His throat tightened when he placed his hand on her cheek and she closed her eyes in relief.

He pulled off his jacket and covered her.

"Jim, I need to leave for just a minute. I need to call help." He reassured her.

McCoy saw a desperate look cross Jim's face and her mouth moved but he couldn't understand her. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and ran out of the "shuttle" hitting the security alarm button.

_"Academy security. Thomas here."_

"This is Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'm in Shuttle Simulation Room Three. There's been an attempted rape..." He paused, sickened by the thought. "...possibly an actual rape on a female cadet by Sean Finnegan. He got away. I need security and a medical team with a stretcher."

_"We'll be right there. Thomas out."_

McCoy ran over to the console at the entrance to the bay and pulled out the emergency kit from underneath and ran back to Jim who'd begun to shiver and was trying to sit up. He opened the bag and pulled out a silver thermal blanket. He wrapped it around her shaking shoulders.

'He...threatened Ella, Bones. Please get security to her." Her speech was slurred and her body was listing to the right. McCoy was in shock himself. He was torn between contacting security again, going after Finnegan, making sure Jim was alright and making sure Ella was safe with what Jim was telling him.

He was saved from the decision by the sounds of running feet. A team of five security guards and two paramedics with a stretcher arrived at the hatch. They quickly loaded Jim onto the stretcher despite her protests and transported her to Starfleet Medical across the bay. She'd only settled down once the security officers assured her they sent a team to Uhura and Gaila's dorm to make sure Ella and the other women were safe.

Jim had her face turned away from him during the entire ride, her jaw was clenched and a frown marred her features. The only sign of weakness that she allowed herself was her vise-like grip on McCoy's hand.

Once they moved her into a private examination room she released his hand and wrapped the thermal blanket around her tighter. McCoy's hands shook and he walked over to the cabinet to retrieve the tools that the on-call doctor would need. As much as he wanted to be the one to heal Jim's hurt, he couldn't. His hands were shaking and his vision was blurred with tears.

Dr. Simon, an older woman he'd worked with before, came in and asked him to leave during her exam. McCoy looked to Jim who gave him a curt nod to let him know she was ok.

He left her and he sagged against the hallway outside her door. His throat constricted and his chest felt like it was being squeezed as he fought back tears that threatened to break through. His hands were in fists and he desperately wanted to go and kill Finnegan but he was needed here. McCoy took a shaking breath to control his anger and heartbreak at what had happened. One of the security officers that had remained with them moved forward at seeing him.

"Doctor McCoy?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"I need to ask you a few questions about tonight."

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After he finished, the door to Jim's room opened and Dr. Simon stepped out.

"Cadet Kirk refused a rape kit. She said she wasn't raped." McCoy let out a breath of relief. "Here's a copy of her exam. I've recommended to her that she stay the night to allow her body to fully process the drug in her system and to let her process what happened. She was dosed with a high potency muscle-relaxant. She should be fine...physically." The doctor told McCoy and Security Officer Wallace.

"Thank you, Doctor. Is it alright if I ask her a few questions?" Wallace stepped through the door at Simon's nod and McCoy followed.

Jim was in a pair of blue scrubs, her hair hanging limp around her face. There were tight lines around her eyes and lips and her normally bright eyes were dull and almost lifeless.

"James Kirk?" Wallace started.

"Yes." Her voice was low and defeated. Jim described everything that happened. The doctor had collected samples from under her nails and photographed the evidence.

"Have you ever had any problems with Cadet Finnegan before today?"

"Yes."

McCoy's head snapped around at hearing that but he bit his tongue to let her continue.

"He's grabbed at me and made lewd comments multiple times, mostly during our Combat classes. The worst threat was a couple of days ago." Jim swallowed and pressed the heels of her palms to wipe away silent tears. "He came up to me while I was in the gym and said that nobody turns him down. That night somebody spiked my drink when I went out but it was Dr. McCoy that drank it."

She took a shuddering breath and fisted the sheet in front of her angrily. "He also said he found out where I was tonight because he read Dr. McCoy's messages on his PADD. I don't know how he got access to that."

Wallace stopped writing his report and turned to McCoy.

"Doctor?" He asked.

A sick feeling spread through him. The room seemed to tilt as he remembered his earlier meeting with Finnegan.

"I treated him earlier today for a black eye. I left the room because my scanner went missing. He must have hacked my files when I stepped out to get a replacement." McCoy saw Jim's eyes flick to him in shock and it was like the rug had been pulled out from under him. Finnegan had planned this.

"Oh God, Jim. I'm so sorry." He moved closer and wrapped a hand around hers but she made no move to acknowledge his touch.

"It's not your fault, Bones. He's a twisted stalker." She said hollowly. He felt like someone had stuck a knife in his side and twisted at her obvious dismissal.

"I think we have enough to go on for now, Miss Kirk." The young officer held out a hand and Kirk shook it.

"Don't worry. We'll catch him. Until we do, we'll be increasing campus security."

"Thank you."

Once Wallace left, McCoy turned to find Jim standing up and pulling on the sneakers that had been loaned to her.

"Just what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" He snapped.

Jim succeeded in getting one shoe on before McCoy angrily snatched the other away.

"What does it look like? I'm going home." She practically snarled as she grabbed at the sneaker in McCoy's hand. He deftly avoided her and Jim glared at him.

"Now, look here! Simon is a trusted colleague and my superior and she recommended that you stay here tonight."

"_Recommended_ being the key word, Bones. I'm not the only person here. I'm not hurt and Uhura and Gaila still have classes tomorrow. I need to pick up Ella." She ground out.

McCoy let out a shocked snort and Jim grabbed the other shoe, quickly slipping it on. She stood up on shaky legs and started for the door. He moved to stand in front of the door, blocking her escape.

"Are you _serious_? You can't just pretend this didn't happen!" He spread out his arms to stop her. "_I _can't pretend it didn't happen! I _saw_ it and it hurt me. I can't even imagine what's going through your mind. You need to talk about this." He pleaded and he saw Jim bite her lip in thought. She looked away from him and he couldn't help but feel guilty pressing her but she'd pushed him away for the last time.

McCoy placed a hand on her shoulder and pulled Jim to him. He was surprised she let him. Jim wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shoulder. Tears wet his shirt and he still held her as she finally broke and started to cry.

"It's okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You need to let me in." She held him tighter and he stroked her hair until she calmed down.

"Alright. But not here. I want to go home and Ella can't stay at Uhura's. I'd feel safer if she was with me." Jim's voice was muffled against his shoulder.

"Anything you want." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and was glad when she didn't pull away.

McCoy was able to sign her out with instructions for Jim to see a therapist as a follow-up. Dr. Simon prescribed a sedative for tonight and she sent a note to her instructors and academic advisor to let them know not to expect her tomorrow. He put the pills in his pocket and gathered Jim to take her home.

Gaila was waiting at their door with Ella asleep in her stroller and a security guard next to her. She seemed to take the hint that Jim wasn't up for talking and gave her a hug before leaving. The guard remained outside their door.

Once Ella was tucked in, McCoy went into the living room to find Jim sitting on the couch with a mug of tea. He sat next to her and she sighed.

"Why didn't you say anything about Finnegan?" He asked carefully. She put down the mug and looked at him, a sad expression on her face.

"I've dealt with men like Finnegan before. I thought I could handle it and I didn't want to drag you into my problems." Her eyes slid over his shoulder and her hands twitched in her lap. He wanted to pull her to him and tell her everything's going to be alright but he knew that it would only cause her to procrastinate in opening up. He waited for her to continue.

"The first was my step-father, Frank. My mother was always a free spirit. She couldn't stand being tied down and I think she blamed me for my father's death. They'd needed the extra credits when they found out Winona was pregnant and my father signed on to the Kelvin." Tears started rolling down her cheeks but her voice remained steady.

"She was never...right after he died. She became flighty and depressed. She went through a string of boyfriends and she settled on the one who payed the most attention to me and my brother, Sam." She took a shuddering breath. "She thought she'd found a dad for us. That way she could leave. She always said I looked too much like my dad and it hurt her." Jim's hands turned into fists and she scrubbed at her face.

"Frank was nice...at first and when Winona was there but when she left...he was different. He drank a lot. He blamed me for her frequent absences that would leave him with two children to deal with. It started with him disciplining us. He got more violent every time she went away. When I got older...it changed. He stopped focusing on Sam and really started in on me. I guess he liked little girls." She said bitterly. McCoy placed a hand over her clenched fist and she looked at him, grateful for his unspoken support.

"Sam went for help when he saw the extent of what Frank was doing. I thought he was abandoning me so I thought about ending it. He was gonna sell my dad's car so I drove it off a cliff. I almost went with it. The cops brought me home and Frank was furious. Winona came home early on leave and Sam told her to hurry home. She walked in on it. He went to prison for ten years and I went to the hospital with a broken arm, dislocated jaw, concussion and...other injuries." McCoy's grip on her hand tightened and Jim gasped at the pain. He quickly opened his hand and gently patted an apology.

"After that, Winona was around for about six months before she fell back into her old habits and shipped us off to Tarsus IV. You know about the famine?" She asked. McCoy nodded. He was struggling to hold in his shock at the horrors he was hearing. He had had some clues but it was harder hearing it directly from the source.

"I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle. Sam came with me. We were happy. Uncle Tom and Aunt Clara were amazing. They couldn't have kids so they treated us like we were theirs." Jim smiled sadly at the memory.

"The crops started failing about six months after we arrived. A fungus destroyed them. There was an emergency meeting and a new governor was appointed. Kodos. He instigated rationing and declared martial law. A month later he requested a meeting with half the colonists in the town square."

Jim's eyes grew distant again and she fisted the hem of her scrub top.

"He said...he said that our continued existence threatened the survival and well-being of the more valued members of the colony. That our deaths would save them. It was then that we all realized we were surrounded like cattle for the slaughter. My aunt and uncle shoved Sam and me down when the soldiers started firing. We ran." She hiccuped a sob and ran her hands through her hair. McCoy's jaw was clenched so tight it hurt.

"Sam and I hid in the woods. We survived on whatever we could find. Sometimes we want back to the colony and scavenged and that's how we found other kids that had missed the initial executions. We hid in the caves. The first kid to die of starvation was a little boy. He was two. That was when Sam and I started making more trips. Sam, another kid called Thomas and I went back to the colony and we got caught. We were beaten and tortured in the public square for weeks for information on the remaining survivors. Sam died of infection from his wounds and Thomas nearly didn't make it. At night, Kodos' men would give me _special attention_ and in the day they left me chained to a post next to Tom. A sign was placed next to us. "For the greater good." It said. It was a warning to the colonists left."

Her body shook and Bones couldn't hold himself back any more. He moved closer and wrapped an arm around her.

"Starfleet came. They covered it up. Come to find out, Kodos was a Starfleet official that had been sent to help establish the colony. They didn't know that he had genocidal tendencies. He killed those that didn't fit in with his personal eugenics beliefs; the old, the sick, aliens, and those who would challenge him. Winona lost it after that. She wasn't really there. She burned almost every picture and reminder of Sam and couldn't even face me. I left and applied for emancipation after that. Cathy took me in."

Jim smiled a watery smile and McCoy rubbed her arm.

"She helped me finish my schooling, got me into some college courses and got me a job. Then I met you on vacation and then came Ella and then Pike." She finished and looked at Bones, searching his face.

He quickly dragged her into a hug.

"I don't know why you couldn't tell me these things before. It's a part of you. I'm thankful that you felt you could trust me enough to talk to me now." He leaned back in his seat and pulled her chin up so that he was looking directly into her eyes.

"Jim, I love every god damn part of you. The good and the bad. I have for a while." She smiled at him and a warm feeling settled in his chest.

"Why do you think I keep chasing your stubborn ass down? You're stuck with me kid, whether you like it or not." He moved closer. He could see each tear clinging to her eyelashes, her freckles on her nose and cheeks and smell the scent of apples in her hair.

"I love you, Jim." He whispered and her breath hitched.

"I love you, too. That's why I didn't want to hurt you with this. I couldn't put this on anyone and I didn't want you to think less of me for my past."

"Jim?"

"Yeah."

"Stop being an idiot." She choked out a laugh and he surged forward to claim her lips. It was gentle and desperate and raw and everything they both needed. The sedatives from Dr. Simon lay forgotten as Jim fell asleep in Leonard's arms. He held her, promising to himself that he was never going to let her go again.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Alright. I'm so sorry I have no descent excuse for the delay in this update. I'm not too sure about this chapter so input would be really welcome. I wanted to make it longer but I felt bad delaying putting something up. Currently, I'm hooked on Heroes thanks to Netflix. Zachary Quinto is Sylar and let me just say this...he plays emotionally unstable scary man well...just like how he played Spock! **

**Anyhow, I hope this chapter lives up to expectations and I absolutely live for feedback. If it's bad PM me, good...please review. Suggestions are gold! Thank you for reading!**

**Tishbing**

Chapter Seventeen

Jim woke up the next warning with a start. The sun was shining through her blinds and she saw that it was 0630. She kicked off the covers and frowned. She didn't remember getting in her bed. Her head pounded from the lack of sleep and Jim saw that she was still in the hospital scrubs from last night. She had never talked about her past to anyone before and she wondered where Bones was.

Jim turned to the night stand and saw a glass of water, the bottle of pills from Dr. Simon and a note next to them. She picked up the note.

**Jim,**

**I'm sorry I'm not there this morning. I had an early Xenochem class and sick call at the clinic. Ella's at daycare and security has been heightened so there's no need to worry. If you wake up before 0900 Dr. Simon and I agree that you need more rest. Take two of these with a glass of water and get your butt back in bed. You're off classes for the rest of the week. I'll be by to check on you around noon.**

**LM**

Jim snorted and put the note back down. She wasn't about to sit around and do nothing. She wasn't going to let Finnegan win. She had a field engineering class at 1000 and a tactics Sim this afternoon.

Jim quickly got ready and was heading out the door, coffee in hand and messenger bag swinging when she ran head first into Captain Pike's chest. Fortunately only a few drops of her coffee spilled onto his grey instructor's uniform.

"Oh, shit! I wasn't paying attention." She stumbled and stepped back. Pike was regarding her with a severe look and a tilted head that was eerily reminiscent of McCoy. Clearly not the apology he was expecting. Jim straightened.

"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't expect you to be there." She tried again and Pike's frown deepened.

"Cadet, I was under the impression that you were on medical leave." He said evenly and Jim flushed. Of course he would know. Whatever happened to patient privacy.

"It was a recommendation, sir. I don't feel inclined to need the time off." She said evenly. She was glad that she had answered formally because in the corner of her eye she saw a security guard shift uncomfortably at the hard look that Pike was currently giving her.

"Let's take this discussion somewhere more private, Kirk." He said curtly and held his arm out to guide her back into her dorm. With the steely look in his grey eyes, Jim had no choice but to turn around and go back.

She waited until the door shut and flung her bag down on the couch. Jim put down her coffee and turned around with her arms crossed. She knew she was bordering on insubordination with the glare she was shooting Pike but right now she didn't care.

"What the _hell_...sir?" She added reluctantly. Pike indicated she sit and he followed suit in the armchair facing her. Jim noticed that he looked tired. There were bags under his eyes and he let out a deep sigh.

"Jim, there is more going on than you know about right now. Cadet Finnegan was caught quickly but was bailed out after only an hour." Pike pinched the bridge of his nose and continued.

"The charges of attempted rape and kidnapping were lowered down to attempted assault and assault." He said with resignation.

Kirk let out a sound between a growl and a furious squeak.

"What?" She hissed. Pike leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees to look Jim in the eye. She saw how sorry he looked but she didn't understand why.

"Sean Finnegan has an uncle from his mother's side in the admiralty. An Admiral Alexander Marcus. Marcus used his influence over the JAG to get the charges against his nephew all but dropped." Pike said sadly.

Jim was shocked. To say she was mad was an understatement. She clenched her hands into fists and glared at the wall behind Pike as if it had been responsible.

"So he's getting off Scot-free with what he did." She grit out. It was yet another screw up covered up by Starfleet that had directly affected her. First Tarsus and now this. People like Finnegan were supposed to have been weeded out by the entrance medical and psychological exams.

Pike reached out and gripped her fists. Jim swung her head to look at him and she could see the concern in his face.

"I know. It's wrong but he's not completely off the hook. He's lost his commission and place at the academy and he'll probably get a year in jail. He's not allowed on the grounds unless accompanied by security."

Jim twisted her hands in Pike's soft grip, gritting her teeth to try and stop furious tears from leaking from her eyes. She wanted to jump up and stomp her feet. She wanted to scream how unfair it was and that Finnegan was a predator. There was no way that she was his first and probably wouldn't be his last. But she remained still.

"Well, I guess that's that." She said thickly and pulled her hands out of Pike's grip. Surprisingly, he let go and Jim couldn't look up. She was so angry and disappointed at the system. She went to grab her bag, her head down to hide her furious flush and the tears building up in her eyes making the world blurry.

"Jim." She froze at Pike's pleading tone but quickly recovered and started to get ready to leave again.

"Sit back down. We're not done yet." His plead turned to a commanding voice and Jim obediently dropped back into her seat, wiping her eyes surreptitiously.

"I want to know why you didn't come to me with this problem earlier." Pike surveyed her with a serious look and Jim bit her original retort back and settled on a more PC approach. She breathed out slowly to stop her voice from trembling. She would not let this break her.

"If what you say is true and Admiral Marcus is using his power to protect Finnegan then what could you have done with the more minor infractions? They would have been dismissed by Marcus before they could be filed." Jim reasoned in a detached voice. God, she hated it when men in power abused their position. Kodos had done it and now Marcus was doing it for just as dishonorable reasons. No-one should have that kind of authority.

"But I would have known and could have prevented it from going this far." Pike lowered his head to look at her and get her to respond. Jim stared ahead blankly, her anger smoldering in her chest but she refused to let show more than what she was.

"Don't you think you've been through enough alone?" He asked and Jim snapped out of her daze and her eyes narrowed at Pike.

"What do you know about what I've been through alone?" She challenged and Pike paled slightly at the accusatory tone in Jim's voice. If he knew about her past then Jim could probably kiss her career goodbye especially if she showed weakness with this latest incident. The older man swallowed to give himself time to answer and Kirk tilted her head suspiciously, her anger at Finnegan and Marcus forgotten in the face of this new puzzle.

"Just that you've been on your own with Ella. That's a lot of responsibility for a young woman." He answered and Jim looked at Pike closer. She evaluated his stature and his eyes. He was sitting too stiff and his eyes were staring directly into her own. Most people who lie make this mistake. Watching the person they're lying to to watch their reaction. To see if they buy it. Pike was a bad liar.

"I wasn't alone then. I had Cathy. What do you _really_ mean?" Jim's voice lowered to dangerous levels and Pike's face suddenly became pained. Guilt and sorrow prevalent.

"I just mean that you have friends here. Myself included. I know that your friend McCoy cares a great deal about you and you have a good support system now. Use it. There's a time and a place to play the lone wolf. This isn't it." His voice turned gravelly and thick and as much as Jim wanted to push him, she knew that whatever it was that Pike was hiding, it was painful for him. She reached across the coffee table and gripped his hand.

"I know that. It just takes some getting used to." Jim gave a tight smile that Pike returned. They looked at each other for a moment and Jim wondered vaguely if this was what it was like to have a father. Someone to support her and care about her.

"Take your pills and go to bed. You look like hell, Jim."

And just like that it was more like an annoying mother. She rolled her eyes and sat back against the couch.

"I've got class in an hour and a half. I'm _fine_." Jim went for her bag again.

"You're _not_ fine, Jim." Pike said firmly. "But you will be if you listen to the people who care about you. Medical may be a pain in the ass..."

Jim snorts a laugh as Pike continues.

"...but they _do_ know what they are talking about. You need to get some rest and talk to somebody about this and I mean _really_ talk. Not just outsmart and bullshit the therapist." Pike moved from his chair to sit next to Jim and she couldn't help the instinctive flinch at someone being so close to her. She was tired from only getting an hour or so of sleep and everything was still so raw. The knowledge that Finnegan was out and had the support of someone in the 'fleet was extremely worrying.

"I'll do the required therapy but I _can't_ just sit back and rest. Finnegan is _out_ _there_ and he has threatened my family. I can't show weakness now. Also, I can't have people finding out about this." She grimaced at the thought of something happening to Bones or Ella and the thought of the press finding out made her feel sick.

She must have been deep in her thoughts because the next moment Pike was pressing two red pills and a glass of water in her hands.

"I'll make you a deal. You rest today and agree to see the therapist tomorrow and I'll talk to Simon and get you cleared. Security is still on high alert so Ella will be safe. And lastly, the people who know what happened have been instructed to keep this quiet to respect your privacy." Pike watched her and Jim hated to admit that he had the basics covered. Her thoughts were too muddled to really try and connect the dots but something was niggling her about Pike's interest in her family. Pike was clearly done talking for now.

She gave a reluctant nod and threw back the pills and water. Pike nodded his satisfaction at Jim's acquiescence and leaned back in his seat. Jim looked at the glass in her hand and twirled it in thought.

"I'm asking you as a friend and not as my mentor. There's more to what you said about me doing things alone isn't there? You know more than what you're saying." The pills were taking effect quickly and Jim maybe had another fifteen minutes.

"You _know_, don't you?" She asked quietly. Jim wasn't sure if she meant Frank or Tarsus or just the whole mess of her past but when she looked up and saw the older man's grim expression, she knew. Not only did he know but he had been involved somehow.

"We'll talk about it when you get up. I think it's time for full truths." He said quietly and Jim couldn't think. The sedatives were clouding her thoughts but he _knew_. Her glass slipped from numb fingers and bounced across the floor, her mouth dried and she moved away from Pike in a clumsy shuffle.

"You _knew_? There's more than just you knowing isn't there." It wasn't a question. The implications were making her head spin or maybe it was the damn sedatives. She gripped her head and felt a gentle hand on her shoulder causing her to start and jerk back.

"Were you _there_? Was Starfleet watching me? I always thought it was damn weird that you found my records so quickly back in Riverside." At this point she was rambling. Her thoughts were everywhere. Flashing from Frank to Kodos to Finnegan and swinging around to Winona and back again in a whirl. She felt the beginnings of panic.

"_Nothing_ like that, Jim. I promise you that. I was a friend of your father's back in the academy...and after. I promised him I'd keep his family safe." Pike pulled her hands down from her head and held them gently. "And I tried. _God, did I try._" Pike choked a little and Jim saw his eyes were red with held back tears and full of regret. Jim frowned tiredly and tried to tell him it was ok but her mouth wouldn't work. She blinked slowly and Pike patted her hand.

"We'll talk about this later. C'mon kiddo." She let him haul her up and she clumsily kicked off her boots as she settled in her bed. Before her eyes closed she could swear she felt him brush the hair from her face and pull the blanket up higher, tucking her in.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

McCoy went back to Jim's quarters at lunch. He had finished his class early and after checking on Ella at daycare he grabbed soup and sandwiches from the mess and made his way across campus. He keyed in Jim's code and stopped at the entryway when he saw Captain Pike sitting on the couch.

"Sir?" He leaned against the wall to toe off his boots and let his bag drop to the floor. Pike looked up from what he was reading on his PADD and placed it on the table.

"Doctor." He greeted.

McCoy scowled and looked around the apartment for signs of Jim.

"She's asleep. Nearly bowled me over on her way to classes this morning." He supplied and gestured to the couch for McCoy to join him.

"Sounds like her." McCoy snorted and took the seat next to the older man. "Stubborn as hell."

Pike chuckled lightly. "She's her father's daughter. Smart _and_ stubborn. She's tough as nails, too."

McCoy wondered about that statement. Most cadets saw their advisors maybe once a semester and never for very long. Suspicion loomed in his gut.

"And what would you know about that?" He hedged and Pike's previous welcome demeanor turned darker.

"Probably more than you. Probably more than her. James Kirk has been through much worse than what happened yesterday and she came through it alone then. Scarred but stronger. She'll come through this as well but she needs support and understanding."

McCoy bristled at the suggestion.

"Just what do you think I've been doing?" He growled at Pike. The older man sighed and stood up.

"Falling in love with her. Trying to protect her." Pike glanced over to Jim's room, a far away look in his eyes.

"You've got your work cut out for you. Somehow trouble finds that girl like she's a damn lightning rod." He shook his head sadly and collected his PADD to leave. He started for the door but stopped and turned to McCoy.

"Just a heads up, Leonard. She heals best when she is able to get back in the game. She's stronger than you think. I've talked with Dr. Simon. She's back to classes tomorrow."

McCoy sputtered and tried to object but Pike turned and left before he could form a word. He considered going after the man but thought better of it and went to check on Jim.

He walked back to her room and saw that she was sound asleep. It was for the best. Last night had been taxing for everyone, most of all her. Turning around, he spotted her pajamas on the floor. He went to pick them up when he heard a rustling sound.

"'ones?"

_Damn._

"What're you doing here?" Jim's voice creaked.

McCoy went to her side and perched on the edge of her bed. He wasn't too happy when he saw she had on her uniform. At least Pike had done something right in getting her to go to bed but going back tomorrow was too soon. He'd had trouble focusing all morning. Images of last night crept into his mind every time he let his thoughts wander. Of Jim laying mostly naked underneath Finnegan, her blue eyes wide with fear and the silver knife, so close to her, being used to cut away at her.

That image had morphed into what he imagined she must have looked like during her time at Tarsus. Starved, beaten and chained to a post with untold horrors written on her young face and body. The nightmare swimming around to an even younger version of her as she fought against a large man hidden in the shadows. Someone who had been entrusted with her safety and well-being. Taking advantage of a child. It made him sick. He'd seen cases of abuse and rapes in the ER at Atlanta General and he'd always been able to go home and get away from it. This time it was different. It was here. He'd witnessed it almost happen and had heard that these horrors had happened before.

"You're thinking too hard. I can feel your scowl." She mumbled sleepily and rolled over to get up.

"I'm just checking up on your stubborn ass. I see that you had to be corralled into taking a nap." He grumbled and moved closer to her. Jim's hair had halfway fallen out of her bun and her face was puffy from sleep. Right now she reminded him of Ella. Fragile.

He reached out to tuck away a strand of hair to distract himself from the burning in his eyes and the tight feeling in his throat. If he had been any later...

"Bones. _Stop it._" She gripped his hand and held it to her cheek.

"I'm _fine_." Jim reached up and pulled him to her and he couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arms around her. He gripped her hard and buried his face in her neck, a broken sob pushed through and Jim squeezed him back.

"Are you ok?" She asked and McCoy laughed bitterly. Jim was the victim and here he was breaking down and she was asking him if he was ok.

"I don't know. I was so damn scared. What if I'd been just a minute later? I'm just glad he's going to go away for a long time." He mumbled into her shoulder and pulled back when he felt her tense under his hands.

"What?" McCoy asked. He held Jim's shoulders and looked at her closely. She was biting her lip and looking a strange mix of sad and angry.

"What?" He asked again with a little shake and Jim's blue eyes shot up.

"Pike was here earlier."

"Yeah. I know. He left as I got here."

Jim rubbed at her face and her lips thinned.

"He came by to tell me Finnegan was arrested and then bailed out. The charges were lowered to assault and attempted assault."

There was no way that Jim just said that. Disbelief flowed through him. It must have showed on his face because Jim started patting his arm.

"How?" He whispered. Kirk sighed and sat back, pulling her legs out of the blanket and tucking them to her chest like she was trying to make herself as small as possible. She rested her chin on her knees.

"He has an uncle in the admiralty that used his influence to get the charges lowered. He's been booted out of Starfleet and he'll serve some time but..." She waved a hand vaguely and scowled. McCoy's jaw dropped.

"You...you _can't_ be serious?" He jumped up and started pacing angrily. His hands opened and closed in loose fists. He imagined wrapping them around Finnegan's neck. He'd always used his hands to heal and comfort but now he thought of using them to kill or maim. He was still furiously pacing when a pair of surprisingly strong hands spun him around and he was suddenly face to face with Jim. Her bright blue eyes were wide with worry.

"Bones. It's _ok_." He struggled in her hands and tried to pull away but Jim clung to him tighter and in her grip he slowly let some of his tension drain away. She was stronger than he thought and he gave in, letting her wrap her arms around him.

"If he comes near you or Ella again, I'll _kill_ him. No admiral will be able to keep him safe." He growled. Jim sighed and stroked the back of his head.

"No you won't, Leonard, because you are a good man. You're a doctor through and through. You took an oath to do no harm. Taking a life would change you in ways that you cannot even begin to realize. It would break you and haunt you to your dying day even if the person deserved it." Leonard frowned at her words. She was right and he hated to admit it. His father's death, though it had been a mercy, still made him sick with guilt. Guilt at not finding the cure and guilt at his weakness in giving in to his father's pleading for it to end. Her hand twisted in the fabric of his shirt.

"_I_, on the other hand, have no such qualms. If it came to it then I would end him but I would prefer to watch him fell himself with his own sword. The same goes for his protector, Admiral Marcus. I'm sure they'll be the end of themselves with their arrogance but I will protect my family if I have to."

And McCoy realized with a shiver that Pike was right. Jim was far stronger and smarter than he thought.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Jim's arms were getting tired. They had been walking for what felt like hours through the hot and smelly jungle. She felt the gun press into the back of her skull and quickened her pace behind her team. The cardassian thug behind her nudged her to move faster and she gritted her teeth as she complied. A small, gray building came into view. It looked like an abandoned bunker. It had creeping vines covering it and was severely rusted, the door hanging off at an angle. Two more cardassians shoved the four members of her team through while the man behind Jim gripped her ponytail and "helped" her into the room.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness and when she did it was frightening. Jim watched as Bones, M'Ress, Livingston and Thalen were forced to their knees. Unlike Jim, their captors didn't have guns, just knives and angry leers. Their mission had been a simple one. An easy planetary survey and collect the information in the bunker's automated scanners. Unfortunately, someone was already there.

The second they had beamed down Jim knew someone was watching them. It was a gut instinct. The telltale prickling on the back of her neck was the only warning before they were ambushed. They had been successful at destroying their attacker's weapons but at the cost of their own phasers. When Jim had straightened up after their fight, she had felt the press of the gun to her head and her team had quickly surrendered at the sight of their captain being taken hostage.

"Now that we're here, you are going to give me the codes or I am going to kill each of your crewmembers slowly." The voice breathed in her ear and Jim stiffened. She watched as the two cardassians unsheathed their knives and pressed them to the necks of Bones and Livingston. McCoy's eyes bulged and he shook his head.

She had two options. Give the codes to the enemy who could then transfer them to his ship using the computer technology in the bunker or...let her crew die and be tortured for the information after. She kept her hands on her head and thought. There was no way that her team could do anything. Their hands were tied literally and figuratively.

She slumped slightly and looked at Bones.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. McCoy, true to form, immediately started to struggle.

"Goddammit Jim! Don't you give them those codes! They'll-" his captor tightened his grip, the knife pressed harder against his neck and Jim could see a drop of blood well on his neck. He stilled at the unspoken threat and Jim glared at Bones' outburst. She turned her head to the man with the gun to her head. His smile was predatory and the ridges on his head and neck just made him look all the more reptilian and frightening. It was very much in place with the hot, almost primordial jungle they found themselves in.

"What guarantee do I have that you won't kill my crew once I've given you the codes to the Endeavor?" She forced out and the man's smile grew wider, a sharp flash of white that made her feel sick and her heart pound in her chest.

"My good word, little lady." His voice was like oil, slick and unnerving. It only made McCoy struggle harder.

"Don't do it!" He shouted desperately. Livingston started his own struggles against his captor.

"Captain! You can't be serious! What's five lives for five hundred!" They both started pulling and tugging to get away. The cardassian holding the gun to her head looked to the display her crew were putting on. He used his gun to point at them angrily.

"_Shut them up!_" He snapped and that was what Jim had been waiting for. She brought her hands down and spun, using her momentum to grab her captor's arm and shoulder to push him down. Bringing her foot up to kick at his arm. She cringed when she felt his wrist snap but she kept her movements fluid and quick as she pried the gun out of his now limp hand and flipped the setting to stun. He growled as he tried to get up but Jim was faster. She pulled the trigger and he went down.

Jim swung her arm to the two men now standing behind Livingston and McCoy. M'Ress and Thalen forgotten as they held still where they were kneeling. The one holding McCoy glared at Kirk.

"You may be able to shoot one of us but you won't be fast enough for the other. He'll slice your friend's throat before you can aim again." He snarled. Jim's hand fiddled with her gun and her fingers twitched on the settings. He was right. She tilted her head and smiled coldly, her eyes like daggers.

"You're right."

She pressed the trigger and watched as a wide beam erupted from her gun enveloping everyone in the vicinity. Everyone, her crew included dropped to the floor like stones.

"That's why I used the wide beam setting, dumbass." She growled. She ran over to her team and checked their pulses before grabbing the fallen knives and cutting them free. She then went to work tying the cardassians up and securing them far away from her group.

Once that was done, she flipped open her communicator.

"Kirk to Endeavor, I need security and medical to these coordinates. We were ambushed by cardassians." She said calmly. A groan from Thalen made Jim smile. The andorian had been saying for weeks that he was too tough for the stun setting of a phaser.

_"Endeavor here. Acknowledged. We'll be there in two minutes."_

"We'll see you then. Kirk out." She flipped the comm shut and moved to help her now sluggishly moving team. The cardassians were still out cold. McCoy was holding his head and shooting Jim a dirty look while Thalen was checking on M'Ress who's landed on her tail wrong. The middle was swollen and it looked like a bad sprain. Livingston was looking at Jim like she'd grown a second head.

"Everyone alright?" She asked.

Low groans answered her and she heard the whine of the transporter as a team of five beamed down. Three security and two medical. As they arrived, the lights in the room brightened.

"Good work, Cadet. Unusual solution but effective nonetheless." A hidden ramp from the back of the room lowered and Jim straightened respectively at the sight of her advanced tactics professor. An older black woman, Captain Graves, holding a PADD walked down with a medical team following her. They immediately went to the other participants in the tactics sim. Jim was about to reply when a low voice interrupted.

"I guess this is what I get when I switch from a first to a third year sim in the middle." Jim turned to see Lt. Graves, her instructor's husband and also the assistant instructor, give a tight smile. He'd pulled off the mask and was cradling his arm which prompted a surge of guilt to flow through Kirk.

"I'm sorry, sir. I only meant to take you down not out." She grimaced. Lt. Graves patted her on the shoulder, his brown eyes fond as he talked to her.

"I should have rolled with it. It's fine Kirk. You passed with flying colors. You knew your team well, their strengths and their weaknesses. You adapted to the change in the situation and did not show weakness. You played on your enemy's distraction which was tactfully created by your use of your team members and used it to gain the upper hand. You had a loss of zero and only minimal injuries to your team. I'm impressed." Jim beamed as the lieutenant was finishing his assessment. Captain Graves was watching the other members of her team. McCoy was shoving the medic's scanner away and grumbling. The older woman chuckled.

"Your team did good. I don't think McCoy will be wanting to join you on any more sims in the near future." They watched as McCoy snatched the regen unit out of the medic's hand and went about showing him the proper way to treat M'Ress's tail.

"Probably not." Kirk agreed.

A glare shot her way confirmed it but Jim just smiled back and winked. McCoy rolled his eyes. Jim swore she could see his mouth form the words "show off" and probably a few other choice words but Jim's attention was brought back by Graves.

"I look forward to seeing you next semester. You're taking the survival course next, right? Meaning the practical will be this summer?"

"Yessir."

"The two week trip will be in June."

"Yes."

"On your birthday."

Jim gritted her teeth at the instructor's careful tone.

"Yes."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather postpone this credit until the fall quarter?" She looked down at Kirk with a sympathetic expression. Jim shrugged and smiled.

"You know me, sir. I'm a glutton for punishment."

Graves smiled back and patted her on the back.

"That you are. I'll see you after Spring break. Dismissed."

Jim nodded and stepped out of the simulation room but waited for her team. First out was Livingston, his brown hair mussed and he was pale but smiling. When he saw Kirk he quickly joined her.

"Hey John." Jim said. "How'd it go?"

Livingston shrugged. "Good, I guess. Graves said my self-defense and response to my senior officer being taken hostage was spot on according to regulations." He grimaced and shifted his stance, eyeing Jim warily.

"Would you have given up the codes?" His voice was quiet. Jim shook her head.

"Even if it meant we'd die?" He asked and she nodded solemnly. Livingston rubbed behind his neck nod blew out a breath.

"I honestly thought you were going to. You looked so believable, Kirk. I think you shoulda gotten a career in acting." His face had a look of awe and Jim gave him a playful shove.

"And miss all this? No way!" She joked. Livingston smiled.

"Well, I've got to run. Heading back to see my family in New York. Shuttle leaves in a couple of hours." Jim waved as the young man ran off. Thalen came next and gave a curt nod of respect before leaving himself. Her and Thalen had a mutual respect for one another but never really became friends. The andorian didn't take too well to a female being in a position of authority but he was grudgingly accepting it. M'Ress was next. Her tail was bandaged and Jim could see her whiskers twitching in discomfort but with a wave of her claw and a hurried hug, she was gone. Poor M'Ress. Her tail was always catching on something.

Jim looked at her watch and waited. McCoy's debriefing was taking longer than it should. She tapped her boot and leaned against the wall and when the door opened to admit McCoy Jim was almost sorry she waited. His face looked thunderous. His whole frame was taut with anger and he was looking at the ground like it was to blame. He stormed out of the observation lounge without looking up and Jim had to jog to catch up.

"Bones? Hey, Bones!" She shouted. He continued walking and didn't stop until Jim had grabbed his arm. He spun around, a snarl on his lips and Jim quickly let go with shock.

"Wow. What's your problem?" She snapped. McCoy's features softened when he realized it was Jim. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I can't believe you shot me!" He exclaimed and Jim smirked.

"Well, now you can say I've stunned you in more ways than one." Jim quipped and McCoy shook his head at her bad pun but Jim could see there was more to it than that.

"It was only a tiny shock. Not a real stun so what's really bothering you?" She asked.

"Graves said I need to take remedial hand-to-hand and weapons combat training." He said slowly.

"So." Jim shrugged. McCoy sputtered, his face turning a ruddy red.

"So? _So?_ I'm a doctor not a soldier!" He snapped and started walking again, his heels clacking on the pavement.

"Well, here you're both." She explained and Bones grunted and shook his head. Jim rolled her eyes and caught up to where she was walking next to him.

"Bones, the other side isn't going to always play fair and not hurt you simply because you're a doctor. Not everyone follows the rules of engagement and some people may see you as more of a threat because you can heal the people they're trying to kill." McCoy just growled at her words and kept walking, moving off the pavement and onto the grass. Jim decided to try a different approach.

"Besides, I'm in charge of the green class for hand-to-hand. I can help you." She tried and McCoy narrowed his eyes at her. Jim waggled her eyebrows and leered.

"I'd be your teacher. You have to be good otherwise you'd get...detention." She finished suggestively and was rewarded when she saw McCoy's neck and ears flush.

He'd been so busy this past week that Jim and him had only spent an hour here and there together. What with her course load and his as well as her mandatory therapy sessions they only saw each other when passing Ella between them. Everyone had been busy with exams and finals before the two week spring break. Even Uhura and Gaila were flustered the last time she had seen them. They hadn't even been able to talk about what had happened and she could see that their concern was warring with their sense of responsibility. Pike had also been called away with something and had been absent since that morning in her quarters. He'd left her a message promising to talk as soon as he got back.

Now that it was Friday, there wasn't anything for anyone to do. Ella's party was tomorrow afternoon and Jim was excited. Cathy had arrived last night and had completely taken over. Bones had yet to meet her and that was going to be fun...she hoped.

The campus was already mostly deserted as almost everyone had somewhere else to be. Jim had opted to stay. Most of the families decided to stay as well. The Paris Family was staying and Jim was grateful for it. Their son Michael had a project on medieval history for his history class that Jim and him were working on. Jim smirked. She couldn't wait to finish it. She laughed and continued walking to her dorm with McCoy.

"What's so funny, Jim?" McCoy asked warily. Jim waved her hand.

"Just thinking how much fun Michael's report is. We came up with a physical aspect to show which we're testing tonight." Jim's grin turned downright devious and McCoy moved away.

"Isn't it supposed to be a history report?" He asked with a frown.

"Yes but I thought we'd be a little creative for extra credit." She said airily.

"What did you do?"

"Wanna watch?" Her grin widened showing all of her teeth. It reminded McCoy of a shark.

"Watch what?" He asked suspiciously.

"You'll see." She replied vaguely.

They made it up the stairs to Phlox Hall where a young boy with blond hair was waiting. He smiled at seeing Kirk and waved.

"It's ready!" He shouted and ran over. McCoy gave a puzzled look at Kirk who clapped and rubbed her hands together.

"Let's go!" She exclaimed. McCoy had no choice but to follow. The two were practically bouncing as they entered the gym at the upper level. McCoy frowned when he saw a sizable wooden contraption. A large carton of water balloons sat next to it.

"What's this?" He indicated the thing while Jim and Michael started winding and loading it up with balloons.

"A catapult. What's it look like?" She whispered and just then McCoy heard sounds below them. He peered over the edge and saw Jim's class that she TA'd. They were sitting and talking peacefully but they each had a bulging bag next to them. Jim knelt down and adjusted the aim of the catapult. The young boy was vibrating with excitement.

"FIRE!" Jim shouted. McCoy watched in dawning horror as the balloons sailed over the edge and down into the group of people below. Jim's shout had given them just enough warning to look up but not avoid the splash as the balloons burst over them. They scattered and looked around as Jim and Michael ducked to re-load.

"Now I know you're a child, Jim! They're gonna kill you!" He hissed. McCoy ducked down to avoid being seen. He heard shouts below him but they didn't sound angry. On the contrary, they sounded...organized. McCoy peered over the edge and saw Kirk's class in groups of two and three. Some holding what looked like a longbow with foam arrows and others with handheld slingshots, loading their own water balloons. Others had slings and were swinging them in an effort to fling water balloons. But all of them were waiting and watching. Their bodies tense with waiting for the next attack.

McCoy stared open-mouthed at Jim as her and the boy adjusted the angle of the catapult and let loose another volley that took out three team members holding a slingshot. McCoy peered over the edge and had to duck as a volley of water soaked foam arrows narrowly missed his head.

"What the _hell_, Jim?" He snapped. Kirk grinned back.

"Multi-tasking, Bones. My team was too spoiled with phasers and needed to learn how to target an enemy from the lower ground. Also, Michael can use this in his report. FIRE!" Jim hit the button after the young boy had finished winding the crank.

This shot missed and as Jim stood up to see her targets she was rewarded with a water balloon to the face. She smiled and laughed pushing the water off her face.

"I'm out. It's up to you, kiddo." She sat aside and watched as the boy fumbled and managed to take out another three team members before he was taken out by a foam arrow to the shoulder. Jim gave McCoy and Michael a sad look before waving their surrender over the edge.

"Great job, team! Let's get this picked up and go have a great break." She shouted over the edge. Jim heard the cheers from ground below and was proud to say that ten had "survived". She grinned as Michael started laughing and together, they got the gym quickly cleaned up.

It was early evening before they finally finished and had the catapult put away. Michael Paris was looking at Jim with awe and was sad to have to go home but Jim had to start preparations for Ella's big day. She was flushed and happy even with McCoy looking at her like she was crazy.

"I thought it'd be fun what with the end of term and everything." She explained with a carefree shrug and McCoy huffed a small laugh.

"Of course. Only you would start an impromptu water fight in the name of education." McCoy criticized. Jim wrapped an arm around him and shook her wet hair on him which caused him to shout and try to get away.

"But you love me for it!"

The lift pulled up to her level and she pulled McCoy out. She wanted him to meet Cathy. They had to be home by now. The woman had wanted to take Ella shopping for new clothes and knowing her, Ella probably has a new wardrobe that will put Jim's to shame. She pressed the entry code and released McCoy.

"Honey, I'm home!" She exclaimed and stepped through, arms wide and dramatic. McCoy muttered something under his breath about immature children and Jim winked back at him before freezing.

"_Winona?_" Jim squeaked. Her smile fell and she felt herself deflate. There was her mother...on her couch...holding her daughter with a positively hawk-like Cathy watching her. Ella was burbling happily on Winona's lap and both women were looking at Jim. While Winona was looking happy, Cathy was looking like she wanted to stick Winona with something sharp.

Cathy had her lips pressed in a thin disapproving line and her hands on her hips with flour dusting her clothes.

"We have a visitor, Jamie." She said carefully and Jim stepped into the living room in a daze. It was like the air had thickened to make everything slow.

"I see that." She said to Cathy but her eyes were fixed on Winona. McCoy stood awkwardly in the doorway. It had been a long seven years since she had seen her last. The years had clearly been rough. A comm conversation didn't show the lines around her eyes, the frizz to her hair as it turned gray and the sadness that permeated her even though she was smiling.

"Surprise!" Winona smiled. "The Rotherham was in for an upgrade at Jupiter station and it happened to coincide with your break and with Ella's birthday." She gave the baby a squeeze and Ella giggled and started to wiggle out of her lap. Winona reluctantly let go and Ella toddled to McCoy who promptly picked her up.

"And Ms. Jameson was kind enough to let me wait here until you got back from classes." She indicated Cathy with a wave. "And this must be your boyfriend, Doctor McCoy?" Jim started to feel a headache building behind her eyes.

"So...uh...how long are you staying?" Jim sat in an armchair across from Winona and gave her a tight smile, ignoring her question about Bones. McCoy and her hadn't even figured out yet what they were. McCoy looked from Winona to Jim who jerked her head in a _don't you dare even think about it_ shake while she waited for her mother's answer.

"Just for today and tomorrow. On Sunday I have to finish overseeing the upgrades. I was hoping you and I could go out and reconnect?" She said hopefully and dammit all to hell if Jim wasn't a little curious. Jim spun in her seat to Cathy and Bones.

"Do you mind?" She asked. Cathy glared at Winona but nodded while McCoy shrugged his shoulders. She put up a finger to Winona.

"One minute. I just need to get changed." Jim rushed to her room and threw on her jeans and a shirt and ran a brush through her wet hair. When she came out it was to the world's most awkward room. Winona was smiling vaguely while McCoy was watching her like she was some sort of lab specimen that he was trying to understand. Cathy was wiping her hands on a towel and watching the group with a frown. Jim sighed and grabbed her leather jacket and slipped her wallet in her back pocket.

"You coming?" She asked curtly. Her mother stood gracefully and picked up her duffle.

"It was nice meeting all of you." She held out her hand awkwardly and Cathy nodded, not taking her hand. McCoy took her hand.

"Ma'am." He said politely. Winona smiled and waved at Ella before following Jim out of her quarters.

The other woman walked stiffly next to Jim and they walked across the campus in silence. It was deafening, seeming to press in on all sides. Winona quickly took the lead and Jim was left following as she hailed a cab that took them to the marina district.

"Why are you even here?" Jim asked harshly. Winona put up a finger to silence her as the cab pulled up to a small pub on Fillmore street. Jim stuck her chin out and scowled but waited until they both had beers and were in a quiet corner. Winona looked at Jim with a critical eye.

"You look happy." She said simply.

Trust Winona to spot happiness but never find it for herself.

"You don't. Why are you here?" Jim rebuked. Winona signaled for another two beers and Jim shook her head.

"Just one and a soda." She corrected to the waitress. Winona raised an eyebrow in surprise but held up two fingers anyway to override Jim's request.

"I heard that it was Christopher Pike that recruited you."

"So?"

Their beers arrived and Jim sipped at it slowly. Winona trailed a finger through the condensation, her eyes distant.

"I want you to stay away from him." She said quietly.

"What?"

Winona looked up and Jim could see her eyes had tears in them.

"I said that I want you to stay away from Pike." She said in a low voice that made Jim's hair stand on end. It was unnerving seeing the seriousness in Winona's eyes. The woman had never demanded anything like this before and it peaked Jim's curiosity.

"Why?"

"He's the reason you went to Tarsus." She said quietly. Jim choked on her beer and sputtered. Of all the things that her mother could say that was the last thing she expected. Jim quickly recovered and used napkins to wipe up her mess.

"What are you talking about? _You_ sent us there, Winona." Jim wondered if the woman had finally gone off the deep end. Winona sighed deeply and tucked an errant grey strand behind her ear.

"He's got some weird...obsession about you. It was the same with your brother after your father...died." She signaled for another round and Jim made a cutting motion to dispel it.

"_What_ are you talking about?" Jim could feel her headache coming back. Her tone was incredulous and Winona bit her lip and took a breath to calm herself.

"Jamie, he tried to steal you and your brother from me. Many times he appealed for custody. You see...after I lost George I went through a rough patch. We were friends back at the academy and he was Sam's and your guardian. He made the courts say you both needed stability and so I married Frank."

Jim's jaw dropped and Winona continued.

"Then after everything with Frank he tried again. He set up a court date and that was why I sent you two to stay with my sister. I thought it was better for you to be with family." Winona's voice was breaking and she was tearing the coaster into small pieces. It felt like she was tearing Jim's heart as well. Here she was saying that someone had wanted her and she kept him away because they didn't share DNA? Jim flung her hand up for another round.

"So, what you're saying is that you married Frank and dumped us off on a colony that killed Sam and nearly me just do you could keep us even though you didn't want us?" Jim's voice rose slightly and she quickly downed her beer and started on her third with Winona matching her.

"No. What I'm saying is that I would have _never_ married Frank or sent you away if he'd have just left us alone." Winona reached out desperately and clung to Jim's hand. She couldn't look up.

"Bullshit. You wanted to go out into the black to get away from us but didn't want the whispers of being a failed mother to a hero's children to follow you if you lost custody." Jim snarled but Winona ignored her answer. It seemed to go over her head and she continued as if she hadn't even heard her. It only confirmed that Jim was right.

"Did you know he was on the ship that was the first to arrive at Tarsus? He was the one that found you." And Winona choked out a sob. "He was the one that found Sam. He started petitioning the court for custody again but your papers for emancipation went through before his court date. He would have dragged you all over the galaxy and it's not right for a man to raise a little girl that's not his." Winona's twisted answer came through Jim's light buzz and it just made her angrier.

"But it was alright for Frank? Do you even know what he did to me every day?" She said in a dangerously low voice. Winona gulped and pulled away, her eyes pleading.

"I saw what he did when Sam got me." Winona mumbled and Jim laughed bitterly. It left a sour taste in her mouth and she took a long pull from her drink.

"That was one time, mother. I'm talking about every other day that you weren't there because you couldn't stand to look at me." She signaled for another and finished her drink.

"But Frank could. He looked at me like no one should ever look at a little girl." Jim was starting to feel floaty. She knew she should stop but she didn't know if she would have had the courage to really tell Winona everything. Already the older woman looked like she might faint.

"So did Kodos and his men, _mother_." She spat the title as if it was a dirty word and maybe it was. Winona had never deserved or earned the title of mother. "Was that _really_ so much better than Pike?" Jim spat harshly and Winona cringed. She'd never told her that part of the story and every time she'd tried to tell her Winona had run. Jim wasn't going to let her run this time. Winona's hands suddenly clutched at Jim's like she was drowning and Jim was the one to save her. Jim wasn't going to save her from her guilt.

"Don't you _see_ though?" Her voice was raising in pitch and tone, close to hysterical. "It was _Starfleet's_ fault! It was Starfleet that killed George, Starfleet that said I needed to make a better home so I had to marry Frank, Starfleet tried to steal you and Sam so I had to put you on Tarsus and now they're stealing you again. They'll never let us go Once they've got you! I _can't_ lose you to them and Pike!" She sounded absolutely convinced and that almost frightened Jim.

"Look, I...wow...I have no idea what to say." Jim finished her drink and stood up, shaking the hands grabbing her off.

"Winona, Starfleet isn't to blame. Some of it's your fault.." She shrugged her shoulders and laughed. "...hell, most of it's your fault but no-one is stealing me." She grabbed her jacket and started walking away but realized she had one more thing to say to the woman who had ruined her life.

"You lost me a long time ago."

**AN: Ok, how loony does everyone want Winona. Completely insane or just really awkward? I have plot bunnies for both. I also still have to work on McCoy and Kirk dating and the funny side that it's all backwards. You know...having the kid before the dating. :)**

**Ideas are always welcome!**

**Tishbing**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Jim took a cab to the far reaches of the campus, her head abuzz with what Winona had told her. She needed some time to process everything so she decided to walk the last mile back to let the cool March air help sooth her. She felt guilty for the things that he had said but at the same time she was angry and confused.

Jim walked slowly across the presidio and onto the main street towards the North entrance at the academy. It was a peaceful quiet that was only broken by the occasional car or couple laughing as they went home. For that Jim was grateful. She looked up and saw the stars that were bright enough to not be dulled by the city's lights and wondered if Winona was like that once. That when she had been happy she had been bright like those stars but her husband's death had the effect of overshadowing her brightness and hiding it much like the city's lights. Jim wished she could have known her then.

Sam had told her stories of before. When Winona had been like the sun and George and Sam had been lucky enough to have been in her orbit. He spoke of days that she would go out on a whim and surprise them with a day at the lake or find some random homemade ice cream place. That one night she had found an ancient film projector and had a movie party where she had invited the neighborhood kids and stayed up all night. He spoke of cookies and bedtime stories and hugs and kisses and love. These things were lost the day Jim was born and Winona had never tried to look for them. She had just ran.

Jim swiped her card against the gate and walked in past Archer Hall and the science labs and meandered around Crissy Field that was the center of the Academy. She watched as the last transport shuttle scheduled for the night took off at the south end of the campus. Jim took the long route home along the running track to give herself a little longer. She wondered if what Winona had said was true. That Pike had tried to adopt her and Sam. That...he had been on the Lexington. Jim stopped walking, her blood ran cold as she thought back to that dark time of her life.

She had been fourteen and so weak from her many months of hiding and then being tortured. A nurse was trying to get her to talk but Jim just shut her out and turned her back on the world and her. Jim wanted to die like she should have back on Tarsus with her brother and damn Starfleet wouldn't let her. They sedated her when she wouldn't eat and forced a tube down her throat to feed her and stuck IVs in her when she wouldn't drink. She fought with every fiber of her being. She scowled at the nurses who brushed her hair and healed her cuts. She snarled at the doctors who told her she was lucky. Jim punched at the officers who came to ask her what had happened.

After two weeks of this, Jim just lay there. It had been on day fifteen that she had met him. A young man that was only known as Chris. He started sitting in her room in his civvies. After three days of ignoring him Jim had asked him to go away. He'd laughed and said no. She then threw the PADD on the metal table at him and he just stayed there and watched her and waited.

On day eighteen he started reading out loud to her. Stories of magic and of pirates and love and hate. Poetry that made her cry and laugh. He'd read for hours and did not stop until Jim was asleep, dreaming of the wizard that stopped the man who killed his parents or of Captain Ahab who hunted the white whale until it consumed his life and destroyed him. She dreamt of stars and love that was as sweet and innocent as the words of long dead poets like William Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost. He filled her dreams with stories of others instead of the nightmares of hers that had been there before.

Jim had never asked who he was and never spoke to him. He understood and didn't ask anything of her. He just talked and let her stay silent. It was a further five days before the Lexington arrived at Earth where she was deposited into a facility for six months to regain her health. She never saw the brown haired Chris again. Jim had hidden those memories away and had always wondered who that man had been. She had assumed that he was a counselor that had been contracted through Starfleet. She had never seen him in a uniform. With Winona's confession she knew.

Jim wondered what it would have been like to have had someone like that in her life. Someone who knew to be there rather than to just be present. She thought of Ella and hoped that she was a good mother. She's tried her best to not make the same mistakes. To provide for Ella and love her. To not be selfish and always place her first. A lot of what Winona had said was ridiculous but some of it hit home. Was Starfleet going to suck her in to where her career came first and family second? Who would care for Ella if something was to happen to her? She knew that Bones would but what if the unthinkable happened and both of them died?

She barely noticed where she was when the steps to her dorm were suddenly in front of her. Her buzz from earlier was gone and she felt tired but she still had to wrap presents and probably some other domestic-y stuff. Jim typed in her code and quietly walked in to see Bones on the floor trying to wrap a ball in hot pink paper with little success. He was grumbling and sucking his thumb.

"Paper cut?" She asked quietly and he jumped and cursed. His face flushed in embarrassment and he waved a hand at the mess.

"God damn paper won't go around the ball." He grouched. Jim smiled and plucked a bow from the pile and stuck it to the ball.

"There. All done." She sat next to him and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

"Everything go ok with...you know?" McCoy asked.

"Yeah. I guess." She said quietly and picked up a stuffed cat. She picked at the ear and wondered what Winona had done on her first birthday. In twenty-two years she had never remembered any acknowledgement of it other than that of it being the anniversary of George Kirk's sacrifice.

"Is she coming to the party tomorrow?" He asked. Jim shrugged.

McCoy sighed next to her and stood up while she continued to poke at the toy absently. A steaming mug was placed in front of her and Jim smiled.

"Hot cocoa?" She asked and McCoy shrugged and sat back next to her closer than before, his thighs brushing against hers.

"Did you put the little marshmallows in?"

"I'm a doctor not a barista."

McCoy rolled his eyes and handed it to her and to her surprise he had got it right down to the extra spoonful of sugar. Jim smiled as she sipped knowing that he cared enough to remember even though he grouched. McCoy continued wrapping while Jim sipped at her cocoa and waited. He knew that she wouldn't talk until she was ready and for that Jim was grateful.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

McCoy watched as Jim sipped at the drink. Her shoulders were drooped and she fumbled with the last of the gifts and carefully placed them in the closet to prevent Ella from opening them early. Once they were finished she sat on the couch and stared. McCoy was unnerved. Jim was a person constantly in motion, hands waving, feet tapping and almost always smiling. To see her like this was very unusual. There was no expression on her face. Jim's normally bright blue eyes were a dull gray and her hair hung limp on her face. McCoy took a seat next to her and waited.

"Am I a bad mother?"

That was not what he had expected.

"_What?_ No. What the hell gave you that stupid idea?" He turned to Jim who was refusing to meet his gaze.

"Was it Winona?" Her silence answered his question.

"Now look here, that woman is a few knights short of a crusade if you ask me and..."

"It wasn't her outright saying it. It was more like a warning." She turned to him and pulled her legs up on the couch. "She said that Starfleet pulled her away from me. While I know that she chose that life for different reasons than I did, I do have to wonder if I'm making the same mistake. I spend so little time with Ella and I wonder if she'll resent me for that. Maybe, as she gets older, she'll think that I'm putting my career ahead of her."

McCoy rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"You're doin' what every parent has to do and that means getting a career and securing a future for yourself and her."

She mumbled in the affirmative but didn't move and McCoy felt a surge of irritation.

"Hell. I see her less than you do with my job. Does that make me a bad father?" He frowned and her blue eyes snapped up to meet him. Her eyebrows drew down and her mouth opened in apology and protest but McCoy continued.

"Cathy and I had a nice little chat while you were out and do you know what she told me?"

Jim shook her head in obvious confusion.

"She told me that you worked all hours at a dingy bar to make ends meet and spent every moment hitting the books at that community college to complete your bachelor's degree with a double major in Engineering and Computer Sciences. She said that you were well in your way to gaining a Master's but that they didn't offer the distance learning in that course; only an on-site program; so you didn't because it would have meant Ella was in a daycare facility sixteen hours a day."

"So?"

McCoy sighed in frustration. "The point is that you gave up your schooling to be sure that you would have been there for your daughter. The fact that someone with your intelligence was working a crappy job just to be sure that she would know her mother shows that you care."

Jim snorted. "Or it meant that I was just too tired."

"Look, she also said that you were miserable. That Riverside was too small of a town for you. That you needed more and so did Ella. You coming here and expanding your horizons was a healthy choice. One that a good mother would have chosen."

Jim's cheeks flushed. "But I chose a career that could leave her in the same position as I was with a parent dying in the line of duty."

McCoy took a deep breath and almost had to count to ten. The thought of losing Jim when they hadn't even scratched the surface hurt. "It could but it probably won't. We both know you're too stubborn to let that happen." He said gruffly.

Jim let out a watery chuckle. "More like you'd bring me back just to kill me yourself."

He breathed a sigh of relief and patted Jim on the shoulder. "There is that."

Some of the light returned in her eyes and Jim smiled brightly for a moment but there was still an undercurrent of seriousness.

"We do need to set up some paperwork though." At McCoy's scowl she waved her hands to try to placate him. "Just in case. I think that we need to set up a plan."

McCoy nodded thoughtfully. He wondered just what Winona had said to bring all this on.

"I think Kirk-McCoy sounds good on her." Jim said with a smirk.

"How 'bout just McCoy?"

"Don't push it, Bones." She laughed gently and patted him on the thigh. "I also want us to consider guardians."

McCoy leaned back at Jim's serious demeanor. "Alright. Anybody in particular?"

From what he had seen and heard of Winona, he didn't think she was stable enough. Cathy was wonderful. Stern but loving. She was also in her sixties like his mother.

"I don't know." Putting her head in her hands, McCoy could hear a muffled groan. "But I do know who I don't want."

"Winona?"

"Yeah."

Jim stood and stretched while McCoy looked up at the clock.

"It's late. We'll talk about this later. We're gonna have a very long day tomorrow." He felt his back pop as he joined her and thought to the day ahead. He still couldn't believe that his little girl was turning one.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jim and Cathy had turned the small apartment into a full-blown princess party complete with streamers, balloons and cardboard crowns for all the guests. Ella was in her element. Her giggles and shouts made her the darling of the party. She had a veritable mountain of new toys and clothes. Uhura had gotten her an interactive electronic board that encouraged learning new languages, Gaila had supplied her with enough bath toys to fill the tub til she turns eighteen. The Paris family had supplied holovids of a Ella's latest favorite educational program while Pike had had a set of printed books that had sent Jim into delighted squeals. He didn't know what "Harry Potter" was but he could see that Jim was going to love reading them to Ella when she got older. He wished his mom could have been here but Donna and her husband had taken her to Cerebrus to show off their new house.

The party was winding down and Ella was covered in chocolate cake. Her tiara was skewed as she wiggled away from Cathy who was trying to wipe her face. The only people left were Uhura and Gaila who had taken to hovering around the blond trying to get her to talk. Good luck with that! McCoy thought.

"So, what's up with Kirk?"

McCoy coughed as his punch went the wrong way with the sudden interruption. Uhura had her arms crossed and was watching Jim with narrowed eyes as she was cleaning up the ribbons and paper.

"What?"

"She's been avoiding us since...well, Finnegan and she won't talk to us."

McCoy scowled at his drink like it had personally offended him. He knew how hard it was to gain Jim's trust. It was clear that even though she saw Uhura and Gaila as friends that Jim still kept a lot to herself. He was curious if Jim's forced counseling sessions were actually being put to use.

"She's..." McCoy started.

"Don't bullshit me. I know who visited last night. I worked in the communications lab. Kirk may think she can hide her past but sooner or later it'll catch up to her." Uhura snapped and grabbed his arm to pull him out of earshot of everyone. He could see her eyes flashing with a mix of concern and anger.

"I just want her to trust us." Uhura whispered. Her eyes were wide with hurt and McCoy understood how she felt. It was a frequent issue with his dealings with Jim. Though she had told him a little of her past, she still kept a tight lid on things. Instead focusing on new projects or giving him the barest tidbits to satisfy his immediate concerns. It was a tactic his more difficult patients frequently employed to get him to leave them alone and it frustrated him to no end. An idea hit him.

"Ny, what are you up to during break?"

"Not much. My sister's going to be in town for a show with her acting troupe and I wanted to see it." She shrugged. "Other than that, I'm just studying. I'm trying to familiarize myself with the Reman and Romulan languages in comparison to pre-reform Vulcan."

McCoy noticed that the woman's cheeks flushed slightly as she finished but chose not to say anything. Instead focusing on a way to force Kirk to spend time with Nyota.

"I was going to ask Jim on...uh-to the annual Starfleet physician's charity ball and I figured that you and Gaila could take her shopping." He finished lamely. He hadn't wanted to go because of the awkwardness. He was in the unusual position of being a cadet and a licensed doctor. The only reason he had been invited by Piper was because he was a fully certified physician. Everyone else at the party would already have an officer position and posting.

"On a date?" Uhura's smile turned predatory and McCoy wasn't sure his idea of putting Jim and her together was such a good plan.

"So, you're finally moving things forward?" Uhura asked.

"Yeah. I figure we should do something other than the occasional coffee."

Uhura laughed and shook her head. "I'd hope so. Coffee at the mess hall isn't exactly conducive to romance."

McCoy was about to reply when the door chime sounded. They watched Jim wipe her hands on her jeans and shoot a questioning glance their way before pressing the button to admit the visitor. McCoy couldn't see who it was but it wasn't long before she returned with a hefty paper package tied with a length of twine. An envelope was tied to the top. Uhura excused herself and grabbed Gaila to leave with the promise to contact Jim to meet her next week before their date.

McCoy and Cathy came up behind Jim as she opened the letter with fumbling fingers. Like Kirk, he knew that paper documents were a rarity in this day and age. The rare times they were used was when it was something that was important enough to warrant a hard copy in addition to a digital version. The only times he had received official papers was his marriage and divorce papers, Jo's birth and death certificates and his degrees.

"Jesus, Bones. Back up." Jim snapped and unfolded the letter. She stepped away from them and tried to read. Cathy pursed her lips at her tone but backed respectfully away and went to tend to the baby. Jim's eyes roved over the paper in a blur. Her eyebrows drawn in concentration and once she was halfway through the document they shot up in surprise.

"What?" McCoy asked. Waiting for her to finish reading only made him more curious. Jim didn't answer and handed him the letter while reaching for the package. McCoy unfolded the letter and began to read.

_My dear James,_

_I cannot express how sorry I am that we can't be closer. Circumstances beyond either of our control made things so very hard for us, perhaps too hard for us to reconcile our differences. I still believe that Starfleet is the wrong choice for you. I only hope that if you continue this path that you will not lose everything like I did._

_I'm including your inheritance that was supposed to be allocated to you on your twenty-first birthday. You also inherited your brother's share in George's death benefits. It is a large enough sum that you could live comfortably with Ella without the need to risk yourself. I don't know that I could handle losing the last thing that George gave me._

_I will respect your wishes and maintain a distance for now but you are still my child and though you may not believe it, I do love you. I may not have been the best at showing it and I made some mistakes but I never did anything intentionally to hurt you._

_Winona Kirk_

McCoy finished reading the letter with a scowl firmly in place and put it aside while Jim looked through the stack of papers that were in the package. Her blue eyes were wide with shock as she flipped through the documents. He moved closer and put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped at the contact, so wrapped up in the new information.

"Jim?"

Her mouth moved silently for a moment before she was able to form words. "She wasn't kidding. There's more than enough here."

McCoy walked up behind her and spied the numbers on the papers outlining her inheritance. Someone (and he had a sneaking suspicion who) had highlighted the amount. It was enough for three lifetimes in plush comfort. He whistled at the sheer number of credits.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Nothing." Her jaw set in determination. "This is the first time in a long while that I've belonged. I'm not giving that up." The glint in her eyes showed that she meant it. McCoy had a feeling that Winona wouldn't give up but even though this battle was settled, the war was far from over. He reached out and grabbed Jim's hand. Giving it a squeeze, she smiled brightly at his wordless support. She leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. It was too fleeting. McCoy raised his hand, tangling it in her hair to pull her closer. He pressed closer and felt the softness of her lips moving under his. A surprised gasp and McCoy took advantage, pushing his tongue in to twine with hers and dominate the kiss, feeling her move against him. He felt the flutter of her fingers as they settled on his shoulders and he held her tighter.

He reluctantly released her, their foreheads pressed together and breath mingling.

"Maybe I should turn down being a kept woman more often if this is the reward." She laughed.

A high pitched giggle caused them to spring apart. Ella was standing in a clean blue romper and raising her hands to grasp at them. He reached down and held her close with one arm and Jim in the other.

**AN: I am so sorry for taking a ridiculously long time to update. With school starting, I have been super busy getting my kids situated. I figured I'd leave Winona...for now. I plan on bringing her back and exploring their relationship further as time goes on.**

**I want to explore Pike's involvement in the next chapter and McCoy and Kirk's date. I'm thinking I'll be wrapping up this installment in one or two more chapters and then fast forwarding to the third year and movie. Ella will become more interactive and much cuter.**

**I'm not sure how detailed readers will want the first time (wink wink nudge nudge) so input is requested. I will send virtual cookies and love for input on this chapter too! I do promise to be more on top now that things are settling into a rhythm. Thank you so much for sticking with me and this story.**

**Tishbing**


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